<p>My mother wants to come to my 21st birthday party?
I’m renting a party bus and hitting clubs downtown, My mom is 40+ and wants to come on the bus and hang out with me and my friends. I really love my mom but I think my friends will feel uncomfortable and weird with her there. I mean some of her friends are my friends too, but they are wayy younger than she is and closer to me in age. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I don’t know what to do. I thought about switching the location to bar hopping around the college scene (I live near my school) and that way she probably would back out and not want to go since she would be hanging around college age kids all night. What do you think? Is it rude for me to feel this way?</p>
<p>I don’t want my friends to feel uncomfortable and plus she’s going to be clingy the whole time. I’m going to drink, there’s no way around it. I don’t want her to be judging me the whole time and saying snippy things. My boyfriend is there to protect me and she knows my friends well, they can take care of me.</p>
<p>Tell your mom you want to have a fun night with your friends and you’ll celebrate with her at a different time. I don’t really understand why your mom would think it’s okay to come along with you and your friends bar-hopping, but it’s NOT. Try to be nice about it, but you’ve got to shut her down.</p>
<p>It sounds like you have a close relationship with your Mom. Being sensitive to her feelings, and those of your friends, is wonderful. In this instance, I believe your desire should come first. Do you want your mom to come? If you are clear about what you want, then those around you will pick up on this.
Let’s say—you want your Mom to come. Then tell your friends that, and then they can decide whether to celebrate with you on the party bus.
Let’s say—you don’t want your Mom to come. Then tell her, and then she can decide how and when to celebrate with you at a different time.
No wrong answer…afterall…it’s YOUR party, and you are paying for the bus.</p>
<p>APOL-a Mum</p>
<p>PS…I sent my DD a case of fine wines and a card.</p>
<p>ok, “some of her friends” are your friends too? , have you,your mother & these friends socialized together in the past? Is age alone the reason to leave your mother out? Do you really think you mother doesn’t expect to you to drink yourself silly? Could it be she just want’s to share in your fun & excitement on this special night? After all she was a main player in your first big day 21 years ago. Look, only you know how this all fits with your relationship with her and how much it might or might not hurt her feelings and if your feelings outweigh that. Just remember you won’t always be 21 and you won’t always have you mother either.</p>
<p>Just a little guilt trip from another mother ( one who does not have the type of mother/daughter relationship that would ever result in this type of dilemma)</p>
<p>I don’t see that you have a choice here. Your mother is being very inappropriate by inviting herself out with you and your friends. She should probably never invite herself out with you and your friends, but under these circumstances it is particularly inappropriate.</p>
<p>My advice would be to use this occasion to set some boundaries. If it isn’t now over this then it will be soon in the future over something else, so you might as well start now.</p>
<p>You are an adult. You might get married and you might have children. She needs to realize that you will not always be available to spend time with her. There will be Christmases when you need to go visit your in laws, there will be times when you and your family decide to go on vacation and that means only immediate family. Believe me, I’ve had to negotiate all of these things and that was with a mother and mother-in-law that understood boundaries, and it was still hard.</p>
<p>Yes, your mother won’t always be around, but hopefully she will be around for a long time. Setting limits doesn’t mean that you don’t love her and it doesn’t mean that you don’t want to spend time with her. It means you are a grown up with a grown up life. You aren’t a kid anymore and she needs to realize that.</p>
<p>My mom freaking clapped for me when she found out that I was drinking down in Costa Rica. It reassured her that I really was part of the family. </p>
<p>I could see my mom wanting to go out with me on my 21st birthday. Not to cling, but to ensure I drink and don’t take it too seriously. Ah well…</p>
<p>As for you, OP, I think you need to either not go with your mom’s friends and then explain to your mom that you’re only going with college friends OR allow both of them to come a long. I don’t really think you can do a mix and match here.</p>