My New Exercise Regimen

Parent Cafe
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<p>I wrote this for one of my regular homeschooling magazine columns, but thought you might enjoy.</p>

<p>My New Exercise Regimen</p>

<p>I was waiting for the service elevator in a wheelchair, ready and eager to leave the hospital, when I spotted a sign on the wall. “Did You Know?” read the headliner. “Using the stairs burns up to five times as many calories as taking the elevator.” A stick figure climbed stairs down at the bottom of the poster.</p>

<p>“Hmm,” I thought, and nodded to my wife. “That could be my new exercise regimen.” </p>

<p>“How’s that?” she asked.</p>

<p>“Well, I could ride up and down on the elevator five times and lose as many calories as taking the stairs. Do it often enough, and I’ll be a lean-mean-fighting machine.” Since I am temporarily required to use the elevator, this was a heartening thought.</p>

<p>When I arrived home, I e-mailed a homeschooling friend to see if her kids could figure out whether I was likely to lose more calories going up or coming down. Perhaps there is a sports physiologist out there who can tell me whether I am better off having the energy drink before or after.</p>

<p>All right. I was in the hospital because, having just returned from speaking at a homeschooling conference in Winnipeg (or ‘WinterPeg’, as the locals endearingly call their hometown) and while playing in one of my thrice-weekly squash games, I experienced a major heart attack. Would have won, too. We called 9-1-1 at 7:15, and I was in the emergency room at 7:30, and in emergency surgery at 7:45. Assuming I am still around by the time this column gets published (there is no reason to believe I won’t be, as, pace Mark Twain, reports of my demise are greatly exaggerated), this is a living tribute to a community that has worked together to make it possible for modern medicine to do its magic, and for which I am extremely grateful.</p>

<p>But the next day in the acute cardio-telemetry wing at the hospital gave me much pause for reflection. The weather being unusually balmy and dry (I’m not sure if there was a connection but…), not a single doctor, according to the nurses, had set foot on the floor, for any of the patients, the entire day. From what I could tell, the ward had become a revolutionary feminist commune, and, my wife being a nurse herself, I guess that’s not too shabby (though I think the contestants on Project Runway could have a field day with hospital garb, for nurses and patients alike.)</p>

<p>Around eight-o-clock, the cardiologist who helped save my life in the emergency room rolled into my room like a great ball of fire, and announced that he was going to treat my case “very aggressively”, and he already had a treatment plan. The off-the-shelf treatment scheme assumed I was an overweight couch-potato, with high blood pressure, diabetes or at least high blood sugar, out-of-control cholesterol, a weakness for nachos, potato chips, and fast-food, and a penchant for alcohol and tobacco.</p>

<p>There was only one problem: I have low blood pressure, normal blood sugar, moderate and controlled cholesterol, a hankering after sashimi and Greek salad, lost 10-12 pounds in the past year, don’t smoke or drink, and had my moment of excitement while burning 800 calories an hour playing a game against competitors barely half my age (and some older and in better shape than I as well). The reason he didn’t know any of this is because, in his smug omniscience, he hadn’t even bothered to ask. (The drug companies don’t seem particularly interested in folks like me either – there isn’t a single cholesterol drug on the market designed or even tested for individuals with my profile.) </p>

<p>Needless to say, I will not be availing myself of my former cardiologist’s services any longer. But what this reminded me of immediately was the school combine, where educational strategies are prescribed by national and state committees, curricula designed by immensely profitable publishing companies and purchased by school boards, and educational approaches implemented by well-meaning teachers without knowledge of, nor even the barest acquaintance with, any single child. We could all have a field day ruminating about the “side effects”. Fortunately, there are at least two million of us who have discovered we no longer require their services as well, and we’ve learned that it is in our children’s best interests to pull them out of the way of the onrushing public education steamroller.</p>

<p>Kat my personal doctor and perfectionist came in with a hangdog look. She felt like a failure in not preventing the incident. I, on the other hand, felt that the two of us were extraordinarily successful. I am the first male on my father’s side of the family not to suffer a major heart attack by age 39, or to live past age 55. From my point of view, this was going to happen sooner or later, it is better that it was later, and, as my good friend the homeschooling author Jean Reed (“The Home School Source Book”) quips, I can now take something off my To-Do list. As far as I’m concerned, we are both overachievers, imperfect to be sure, and when I see her next week we’ll have plenty to talk about, and perhaps I’ll bring a box of chocolates.</p>

<p>So next time you see me at a homeschooling event in your community, (and I plan to get around to you soon!), you’ll have to forgive me if I ask you to do the heavy lifting. My wife’s doctor, a friend with a great sense of humor and a limited color selection of v-neck sweaters, told me to “be careful”.</p>

<p>I promised that I wouldn’t overdo the elevator thing anytime soon.</p>

<hr>

<p>P.S. With thanks to my homeschooling friend and fellow bird fancier Shell McCoy, I bought a canary! He has a haircut like one of the Beatles. (Okay, I know birds don’t have hair, but you can take a look – [Gloster</a> Canaries](<a href=“http://www.avianweb.com/glostercanaries.html]Gloster”>The Gloster Canaries | Earth Life) . As you’ll see if you visit the site, Gloster canaries make for a great lesson in genetics.) Turns out that he isn’t a John, Paul, or Ringo, not even a Herman. He informed me in no uncertain terms that his name is Barnaby. Go figure.</p>

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<p>Wow, mini. I’m so sorry to read about your heart attack but soooo glad that you are around to write this column and to continue posting on CC. You have a unique perspective and a great sense of humor! I wish you all the best in your recovery. Let us know what you find out about the elevator calories (up or down burning more). :)</p>

<p>p.s. don’t tell your new canary but I have an orange kitty named Barnaby, too. I doubt they would be friends, sad to say.</p>

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<p>Mini. You are in my thoughts and prayers for a speedy and full recovery. Please take care.</p>

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<p>And this is half-way down the post. That’s what’s known as “burying the lead.” I’m glad to see you back on CC, as full of P and V as ever. Was that bypass surgery? Hope you’re on the way to a full recovery.</p>

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<p>Mini, I was wondering what happened to you. Wishing you a full and speedy recovery.</p>

<p>I’m glad to see that you can still write. :)</p>

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<p>Yeah, squash can be a killer. It’s actually recommended that as people get older they should moderate their squash playing. Were you playing doubles or singles?</p>

<p>Anyways, good to know that you made it through and are still with us.</p>

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<p>This sounds like I’m committing either or both of the two worst sins of CC by being “gratuitious” or “disingenuous” but I have been walking around thinking, “Where’s Mini?” Every now and then, for the sake of your wife or perhaps some rare situation where your original comeback requires a pause for thought, you go a momentarily off-air. Maybe a week or month, but inevitably I read somone else posting “Where’s Mini”? Then another reports a “siting” somewhere, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I want to go on agreeing, disagreeing, shaking or nodding my head vigorously to Mini posts for years to come. I know you also are a great team with your wife and are there for her when she needs you, too. The arc of your spiritual journey tells me you are a completely original thinker with a great heart. Yours is not a heart for you to ignore, nor is it for a pharma-ignorant cardiologist to stereotype by pulling off the shelf some one-size-fits-all diet for sedentary A.K.'s. The nerve. Why didn’t he pause to ask you about you? You’d have told him. </p>

<p>Mini, thank you for posting and answering the question, “Where’s Mini?” Welcome back to the world you enjoy so fully. And as for elevators, don’t you miss those elevator guys? They were SUCH fun to talk with, those that talked that is…</p>

<p>OK, so you buried the lead, as Jazzymom points out wryly. Nonetheless, people keep reading. That should tell you something, too. This sounds pretty scary to me, to wake up in a hospital situation before you knew the outcome of the squash match. Was your D able to handle the news okay? Is she stateside or overseas these days? How’s the family doing with it? When did it happen, around Thanksgiving? Could anyone do CPR before the ambulance arrived? I’m full of questions but am glad you posted your headline news.</p>

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<p>Have missed you around here Mini. Hope you are feeling much better, and speedy recovery vibes coming your way.</p>

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<p>Best of luck with your recovery.</p>

<p>Look on the bright side: canary. Just make sure to tell us when it starts staging sleep-ins and marries a Japanese canary that can’t chirp well.</p>

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<p>Mini, I am glad things are going well after you heart attack. Listen to your doctors and follow their advice. To you and all I heatily(couldnt resist) the following web page. Use it in conjunction with the advice of you doctors mini. It is chock full of information to put you on the road to better health.</p>

<p>[Look</a> younger, live longer – RealAge](<a href=“http://www.realage.com%5DLook”>http://www.realage.com)
One of the main authors of this is Dr Mehmet Oz a cardiologist at Columbia Presbyterain in NYC. He offers sensible advice regarding all aspects of living. He has authored a few book recently which are also quite good.</p>

<p>And of course my thoughts and prayers for you and yours. Is you daughter coming home on semester break? i hope so for you and her’s benefit.</p>

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<p>Mini, I’m so glad you seem to be doing well. No doubt the speed with which you were treated contributed to the outcome.</p>

<p>When you’re up to it, would you mind sharing, for the rest of us 50-something males especially, what drug therapy you were on prior to your heart attack, if any. Such as aspirin (I take two 81 mg a day prophylactically) or a prescribed blood thinner. In retrospect does your personal physician think you shouldn’t have been playing a vigorous sport like squash, solely based on family history? Had you ever had a stress test?</p>

<p>I wish you a full and speedy recovery.</p>

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<p>Best wishes. Please be well. Your post is proof that a sense of humor is not located in the heart! Nothing wrong there. You’re still entertaining us.</p>

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<p>Mini…wonderful to hear that you are back…Sooorrry to hear that you went through a harrowing experience and are in recovery…we missed you…and I have confidence you will rally the best team to get behind you regaining your lifestyle and full strength.</p>

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<p>And, mini, could you add a control group to the elevator study? These would be folks who only post on cc and do not walk up or down stairs nor take elevators.</p>

<p>How many calories do we burn with all the finger tapping, cogitating, laughing and (occasionally) experiencing the slow burn? </p>

<p>Inquiring minds want to know.</p>

<p>Because I don’t want to have to go hunt down elevators in my relatively elevator-free corner of the world, if I can accomplish the same thing riding around cyberspace.</p>

<p>Thanks for the great read and l’chaim.</p>

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<p>Mini,
Sorry to hear the reason you have been “missing in action” here. That is too bad all that you have gone through but luckily survived and are on the road to recovery. Your family has had a rough time and I hope this is the end of that. Best wishes that you feel better each day and can go on doing what you do. </p>

<p>I always wonder when regular posters “go missing” and in that vein, I haven’t seen cheers on CC lately either.</p>

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<p>mini,</p>

<p>I’m glad you are on the road to recovery with your sense of humor intact…We’ve missed you!</p>

<p>Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.</p>

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<p>Mini, I am sorry to hear of your health challenge but surely it will be an isolated event and a diminishing spec in your rear view mirror very soon. </p>

<p>Sending you strength, recovery and every positive thought via cyberspace…</p>

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<p>mini, my favorite radical, take care of yourself. And as a bit of a squash player, mother of a college squash player, and wife of a life-long competitive squash player I have one word of advice:</p>

<p>doubles. </p>

<p>Sending good thoughts toward recovery – and continued sense of humor!</p>

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<p>Thanks for all your good thoughts. </p>

<p>Now for some of the questions:</p>

<p>“Was that bypass surgery?”</p>

<p>Stent, through the femoral artery. The major artery was 100% blocked. We really won’t know extend of damage for about three months. But I will be on the treadmill today for the first time since (which was about 11 days ago.)</p>

<p>“It’s actually recommended that as people get older they should moderate their squash playing. Were you playing doubles or singles?”</p>

<p>Singles. I’m on “a ladder”. (Actually there is 84-year-old in my group with a triple bypass who is in fantastic physical shape.)</p>

<p>“what drug therapy you were on prior to your heart attack, if any. Such as aspirin (I take two 81 mg a day prophylactically) or a prescribed blood thinner. In retrospect does your personal physician think you shouldn’t have been playing a vigorous sport like squash, solely based on family history? Had you ever had a stress test?”</p>

<p>Aspirin, Tricor 145 mg. (mostly for triglycerides), Coenzyme Q10, B-12, Folic Acid, Fish Oil (we’ve since upped the dose), Calcium Citrate (with Magnesium and Vitamin D), multi-vitamin.</p>

<p>Since incident, switched from Tricor to Zocor 40mg plus Zetia. Plavix. Increased Fish oil. Discontinuing Coreg and Lisinipril (lowered blood pressure and made me dizzy). </p>

<p>Personal physician thinks the squash was great, and I should get back to it. Oddly enough, when it started, I thought it was a reaction to paint fumes. (they’d newly painted the court). Stress test - I am (or was) in better physical shape than 90% of males my age (which doesn’t say much for them!)</p>

<p>“One of the main authors of this is Dr Mehmet Oz.”</p>

<p>He’s great. Been there, done that. </p>

<p>“And, mini, could you add a control group to the elevator study?”</p>

<p>Well, a second control group would be those stuck in the elevator, without it moving either up or down. ;)</p>

<p>“This sounds pretty scary to me, to wake up in a hospital situation before you knew the outcome of the squash match. Was your D able to handle the news okay? Is she stateside or overseas these days? How’s the family doing with it? When did it happen, around Thanksgiving? Could anyone do CPR before the ambulance arrived?”</p>

<p>Actually, I was awake the whole time until the hospital, when I went into V-fib. Warm and dark. No white light. No Shiva with a trident, Jesus with a halo, or Moses with a white beard. Not even my friend Lavanam from India, walking on hot coals yelling, “There is No God. There is No God.” Woke up to “305! 310! 320!”</p>

<p>Older D back at Smith working on her graduate school applications. (more on that another time.) Family is fine - this was/is harder on my wife than on me. My major feeling (other than fatigue) is major relief - it was going to happen sooner or later, and now been there, done that. Didn’t need CPR. They used a fentanyl drip (which surprised me, I would have assumed morphine.) Monday after Thanksgiving weekend.</p>

<p>In the hospital, I set up a cup for my dime-a-brick campaign (houses in India - 15,000 dimes makes a house), and charged the nurses a dime every time they came in, and an extra dime every time they wanted to look at somethun. Came home with a lot of dimes! :slight_smile: Also asked for dimes rather than shrubbery.</p>

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<p>Fundraising for India from your hospital bed – priceless</p>

<p>You ARE a rascal</p>