<p>^^^</p>
<p>I disagree. Some of the behavior that the OP has described is mentally abusive.</p>
<p>Only the OP knows…we do not know.</p>
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<p>Because they believe it is positive advice, just as you think your advice is positive. </p>
<p>I think it is fine to disagree with someone else’s advice, but it is arrogant to declare that other parents are giving “bad” or “negative” advice, or that other parents who are sincerely giving advice to OP are in need of therapy. </p>
<p>I would point out that in your first post on this thread, you say you pulled your own daughter out of college because you disapproved of her actions. I can understand how you might be inclined to sympathize with another mother who is threatening to pull her daughter’s financial support because she disapproves of her actions. </p>
<p>But please realize, not all of us are sympathetic towards the OP’s mother. OP has been mature, and gentle and kind to her parents, and she needs to be commended for that. But she needs people to remind her that it is her mother who is primarily the problem in the relationship.</p>
<p>nngmm: The advice re emmancipation was delivered in the conditional. If the OP wants to sever ties, she will have to deal with the issue of emmancipation in order to get financial aid. That is not advocacy, but laying out important details of one of OP’s options. Providing information is hardly irresponsible. It is clearly stated that if OP goes that route, OP’s parents should be told. How can that be irresponsible?</p>
<p>OP asked for information. It is being provided. That is why she came to CC Parent’s forum.</p>
<p>yes indeed vicariousmom—I did not threaten my daughter, I did pull her out. It was the best thing I ever could have done. That is why I can see two sides to a story. I would guess that a mother has reasons for doing the things she does unless she is trully unstable. I also know that a parent can seem unstable when their kid has gone off the loose end. I would like to give the benefit of the doubt in issues that involve parent-child relationships.
I have no doubt in my mind that my daughter thought I was crazy at the time when she was away at school. It was many things that led me to believe my daughter was not doing well, some small, some big, but when they were put together it was huge. </p>
<p>For parents that think the OPs mom is a control freak with serious issues think about a time in your own parental life that you might have been a little off. I can tell you that I was not myself, when things were not going right with my child. It is for this reason that I am willing to believe the OPs mom is acting in a reactive way. I do not know the moms side here so I can’t pass judgement on her behavior. Maybe I am being unrealistic, but don’t all parents want their children to be happy, healthy and independant thinkers.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, not all parents want their children to be happy, healthy, independent thinkers. Parenthood doesn’t automatically confer mental health on someone. There are plenty of sick people who also happen to be parents.</p>
<p>I don’t think that the OP really wants to cut off all ties now, and her mom seems to be making a little progress in letting go. It’s going to be slow, and it won’t be linear, but the OP will be much happier if she tries to develop an adult relationship with her parents. If it just won’t work, well then on to Plan B, but it’s much too early in the effort to make that determination.</p>
<p>Just want to share my own story here in hopes that you will gain some insight from it. In high school I was a top student and could have gone anywhere. All I wanted to do was go west and work in the mountains. My controlling mom had decided I was not allowed to go more than 6 hours from home because I was ‘too depressed’ - mostly from her control of my social and school life! I had to stay close or she would cut all funding and I would be forced to crawl back home and ‘bag groceries.’ After my first year I got an internship across the country and realized there were jobs out there where I could support myself. </p>
<p>Long story short, at 19 I dropped out, all funding cut. I did take several crappy jobs and some good ones. It was worth it for my freedom! It was hard because my family had considered me a helpless child and did not trust me to manage my own life. The learning curve from dependent child to independent adult was for me about a month. As my EFC (expected family contribution for FAFSA) was astronomical from my parents’ combined salaries I worked until I was 24, which is the age when your EFC is based on your income and not that of your family. I worked my way through school and took out loans while my brothers both received cars and full rides to out of state colleges…but I was away from her control and they were still in it. At 21 I finally had a boyfriend and discovered all these ‘dangerous’ sports and other things I liked to do and think that didn’t fit the image of the ‘good girl’ she wanted me to be. It was scary and hard and wonderful. </p>
<p>I share this because it’s a possible but hard road to break away from a controlling mother. Things like college and financial stability might take longer and will be harder if she has controlled all your financial choices and at the same time provided for all your needs, but with financial independence you can dictate your own life and decisions. If you choose to go on this road, though, I have 2 items of advice: 1. Please don’t hate yourself or treat yourself poorly for claiming your freedom. I was self-destructive for many years because I was told by my mom that I had ‘ruined the family’ and ‘abandoned’ her and everyone. This is crap. 2. Don’t be jealous of friends whose families are not controlling and who support them as they discover their independence. This is your road and life’s not fair, but bitterness just rots your soul. Therapy helps and you can find counselors on a sliding scale.</p>
<p>Remember your mom is an adult who is right now forcing you to be more of an adult than she is. However you choose to claim your independence, you are stronger and more capable than she says you are and you can do this! This will make you a stronger woman!</p>
<p>Did you not notice that this thread is from 2009, and the OP has not posted since?</p>