So long story short list, I live in the middle east but I speak zero Arabic and English is my first language. I’m a junior in highschool and will have to apply to colleges in about 9 months time. Basically, my parents sat me down and told me ill be doing my first two years of college in dubai. I refuse to do this for many reasons. For one , I speak no Arabic, so whenever I speak english in dubai people just respond to me in arabic and I have no idea what they’re saying. I’d prefer to go to an English speaking country. My dream is to study computer science in the UK. I’ve lived my entire life in the Arab world and I’m tired of It, I want a new experience, I want to go somewhere new. I told them I want to go to the uk but anywhere in Europe is fine. They still declined l. They said they refuse to pay for any colleges outside dubai until I’m 20.
I cannot and will not study in dubai. I’ve been there so many times I hate it. All my cousins got to study where they want, and they all went to the US, and one of them went to the UK. not only that but my mum studied in the UK and my dad studied in the US. They went to where they want to go, so why aren’t they letting me go to where I want. They also said that the UK is too far. They’re overprotective, and never let me go out with friends, so this makes it even more difficult. I won’t even apply to dubai, just to a couple in the UK and maybe some in France or other countries in Europe. This isn’t where they are going to go, it’s where I’m going to go, so why are they being dictators. It really isn’t fair.
I absolutely refuse to study in dubai or anywhere in the middle east. I want a new experience and I’d like my parents to understand that l. I want to go somewhere where I’m happy. I really don’t know what to do anymore. Do I apply to dubai and write a really bad essay so they don’t accept me on purpose? Do I only apply to the colleges I want to go to? It isn’t fair because both my parents went to where they wanted to go, and the same applies to the rest of my family. I just to study where I want to study. I’m the one attending, not them. Sorry for my little rant, it’s just made me pretty mad. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.
See if you can place your emotions aside momentarily and find out from your parents why they want you to study for 2 years in Dubai. Believe it or not, this can help you toward your goal of NOT studying there. They may have some motive that can be accomplished elsewhere, for example. Or, they may figure out that their motives are not as important as they had thought. Or it may be that they get free tuition at a school and want to use that first (this is prob the hardest concern to overcome). For them to become less defensive, and you too, you will need to have this convo from a listening perspective. You listen to them, without committing to anything. You’d need to sit down and say: I really respect your thoughts. You’ve always been great parents. Because this is important to you, could you please explain to me why you want me to study in Dubai? And then you listen carefully to all of their reasons. If you write down each reason on a piece of paper, they will see and know that you’re listening. This is calming. You want them to be calm. It allows them to reflect on their assumptions. It’s really important that you say: “mm-hm” and “I see” as they talk. Do not counter anything they say no matter how stupid. Just talk and write down all of their reasons. All of them. Respectfully. Let them talk as long as they want. Talk and talk and talk and talk until they exhaust all of their reasons. They will probably say all kinds of things you disagree with and you feel are silly, things that make you feel like a child and that they are overprotective. Let all of those things slide for now. At the end of that, you have a piece of paper with their concerns. If you can, smile and say “thank you” and “you clearly love me a lot” and end the convo. Ask them if you can continue this convo later. Go recover in your room or take a walk someplace and let your strong emotions fall away. You have committed to nothing yet. You’ve just listened. They feel they’ve been heard. Between convos, let them stew about just how mature you are to hear them out. Your maturity will show them many things and will allow them to think about just how adult you are and how you may be capable of things beyond what they currently imagine. You can put the list on the fridge where they can see it for a week or so. They will mull all of those reasons on their list.
Meanwhile research some schools that seem acceptable in Dubai to you, as a last resort back-up plan. Last resort meaning: If they do not change their minds at all and will stay hardened, then at least you have an acceptable back-up plan. NYU has a Dubai branch for example and they may allow you to study at this “American” uni in English and then transfer elsewhere. Not your ideal, I know, but it may be acceptable. Also find alternate schools elsewhere that fulfill their concerns, if possible. Bring this and their list of concerns to your next convo.
Have your followup convo with your parents. Bring out their list and ask them one by one if they still have X concern. They will probably scratch off several. Show them your list of schools that fulfill their concerns both in Dubai and out of Dubai. You prob can come up with a compromise at this point. I would bet that they allow you to apply to some schools outside of Dubai.
At the end both sides will prob feel that they’ve given up something and that they’ve gained something. Okay?
Since you don’t speak Arabic, and presumably you also are illiterate in Arabic, then your parents must be planning for you to attend an English-language university in Dubai. Which one is it that they like so much? Go visit it with them. Find out what majors you can study there. Find out if most students stay there until they finish their degrees, or if they usually transfer out. If they are transferring out, find out where they usually go.
Transferring is not easy, especially coming from a university in a different country. Ask your parents to help you do some reasearch on the transfer process so that you can be better prepared when that time comes.
You also need to have a calm discussion with your parents about their age 20 restriction. What are you doing, or not doing, that has left them with the idea that you won’t be able to cope on your own until that age? What happenned in their lives that makes them think 20 is a good age to be more independent? Are there other things that you could do (supervised gap year program, high school study abroad program, etc.) that would help you get ready to go to college farther from home?
Well, just from your first post I have to say that I don’t understand why you don’t want to study in Dubai, other than that you simply don’t want to. To be quite honest, your post comes off like a childish rant. I say that not to be mean - but because it likely means that whenever you have this conversation with your parents, it may also sound like a childish rant rather than a rational argument that they should listen to.
First - well, I can’t be sure how common it is in the Middle East but in the U.S. it’s relatively uncommon for people to go to college outside of their home country. It’s very expensive! In addition to the cost of the university, there’s the cost of immigration and visas or whatnot. And then there’s the difficulty of them potentially getting to you if they need to in an emergency.
There are a couple of American universities that offer degrees in Dubai, including the American University in Dubai, American University in the Emirates, and Rochester Institute of Technology. There are also some other universities from the Western world with satellite campuses there, like the University of Wollongong (Australia), Middlesex University (UK), and the Canadian University in Dubai. If your parents are okay with Abu Dhabi, there are even more - NYU Abu Dhabi, Paris-Sorbonne University Abu Dhabi, and New York Institute of Technology.
The other thing is that, if you are a traditional-aged junior in high school, you’re 16. You have your entire life to try out new things and live in an English-speaking country, if it’s your dream. I say the same thing to high schoolers who dream of moving to New York or LA in their adulthood. It’s probably more fun when you’re working full-time and have your own money to do what you want.
And here’s the thing - your parents aren’t even being completely rigid and telling you you can’t go to college outside of Dubai at all. They’re just saying they want you to stay in Dubai for the first two years, and then they’d be willing to pay for you to go to the UK. You are the one who is coming off as unreasonably uncompromising here.
Have you asked your parents why they want you to stay in Dubai for the first two years? Understanding why they want that for you will help you come up with arguments and points for discussion to try to get what you want.
Wow, so let’s reassess, you are of what citizenship? You have how much money to spend on your education? You hold which residential visas or citizenships for countries other than where you live? What citizenship do your parents hold? What are your stats?
@3CsinLife, my poor darlings are miserable emptying the dishwasher. Pencil me in as one of these parents who might not pony up the $$ to send my child to Europe LOL.
@sybylia We are not talking about emptying the dishwashwer we are talking about parents forcing their English speaking child into the Arabic Utopia, which the child is clearly resisting.
Agree with the others that it would be helpful to know your citizenship status. I am guessing that you are not Emirati since you don’t speak Arabic. If that is the case, I think there are a lot of very good reasons to not go to college in Dubai. From what I can tell, the legal system is not very friendly to non-Emiratis.
If your parents are willing to let you go at 20, could you do something else for 2 years and then go? If so, work at a job and save some money. If you’re not eligible for financial aid—and most US universities are not need blind for internationals (assuming you don’t have citizenship)—at least you’ll put a bit of a dent in the bill.
Another thing to consider is that UK universities expect students to specialize to a greater extent earlier than most US universities at the undergrad level. This may end up prolonging costs/time to completion as some UK universities/departments may expect you to start from scratch as a first-year student.
Essentially, if you attend college for two years in Dubai you lose any chance at scholarships in the US. Unless your parents can pay full freight for two or three years, once you’re done with the two years in Duai, you’re stuck.
But one key question is: why do your parents want you to stay in Dubai?
Also: are you a boy or a girl?
I have / had a couple colleagues that grew up in the UAE but spoke no Arabic. They have regretted not learning the language. Both parent sets were Indian expats,
An older aunt cited an example of an old American Missionary who lived in China/Taiwan for 50 odd years, but never even picked up basic greetings very well because practically all of his social interactions were with fellow European/American Expats and any interactions with the locals was through translators.
Never made an effort to learn the language which is in great contrast to some Americans and Europeans who had even in his generation.
Well, it seems a great waste to live in a foreign country and make no effort to learn the local language. No advice for the OP except maybe now’s the time to learn the language.