<p>How does it make you feel that your parents are disappointed in you?</p>
<p>And what kind of “demands” do you make and why do you feel you should have them met? </p>
<p>Do you ever do anything nice for your parents? Help your mother make dinner, run an errand, that kind of thing?</p>
<p>The original poster’s definition of “useful” is off the mark, even bizarre. I think that love and good work define a good life, and both are “useful.” Usefulness and kindness are not only not mutually exclusive, but usually go hand in hand.</p>
<p>A question like this shows some black and white thinking, and mental rigidity. I would suggest that if serious, this person needs some psychological help. This is a false dichotomy and one that could ruin his life.</p>
<p>The original poster’s definition of “useful” is off the mark, even bizarre. I think that love and good work define a good life, and both are “useful.” Usefulness and kindness are not only not mutually exclusive, but usually go hand in hand.</p>
<p>A question like this shows some black and white thinking, and mental rigidity. I would suggest that if serious, this person needs some psychological help. This is a false dichotomy and one that could ruin his life.</p>
<p>Or, his verbal skills are seriously lacking and he is simply very inarticulate. I am wondering if he is a native English-speaker.</p>
<p>Many people in high demanding(pressure) jobs are very abrupt and condescending to other people - like doctors (maybe surgeons), traders, CEOs…at least that’s the perception I had when I was younger. As I got older, had the privilege(:)) of dealing with them more, I find smart, confident professionals are kinder and nicer with people they deal with. People who are insecure about what they are doing are generally moe abrupt with other people because their aggressiveness is to cover up their own insecurity. At the same time, even stay at home parent could be unkind or snappy at other people because they maybe unhappy about their own identity. This is all a lot of psychoanalysis, which I am not a professional. It is just my own observations. </p>
<p>I think when someone is happy with who he is then he could afford to be kinder to other people. When someone is insecure then he could become aggressive in order to cover it up. I say, do what would make you happy, until then think twice before you open your mouth.</p>
<p>Fine FIne. By popular demand lets redefine “useful.” Lets say its a tangible achievement, say a college or graduate degree from a top top University. </p>
<p>So the overall consensus is that it’s better to be kind? But I think my dad and my problem with that is that there are a lot of kind people but a lack of useful ones. In our society, we launder our resources not to the kindest people, but to the most useful ones (think about our lawyers, doctors, ibankers, engineers who get over $100,000 of societies resources a year).</p>
<p>Well said, oldfort.</p>
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<p>So? What’s your point? </p>
<p>Why are you convinced kind people cannot have a “tangible achievement?” </p>
<p>Please stop thinking money = virtue.</p>
<p>Net worth and self worth are two very different things.</p>
<p>My point is that it is better to be useful in this life time. Eh, my self worth is quite fine. I look at myself in the mirror and i am actually pretty satisfied. </p>
<p>The point of this thread is to get a clear consensus on which of the following you’d want in your kid: kindness or usefulness (no easy way to define useful).</p>
<p>What I find particularly laughable is the idea that a few years ago your parents suggested you be a “useful” person and thereby set in motion the events that have unleashed your superb intellect on an unsuspecting world. One would think that, by now, someone with such a superior intellectual capacity would have devised a way to be both useful and kind, instead of coming across like one more preening immature jack**s of a teenager.</p>
<p>^^ Useful and kind…there’s a concept I can buy into.</p>
<p>“don’t gain the world, and lose your soul,
wisdom is better than silver or gold.”</p>
<p>–Bob Marley</p>
<p>It all started when i was around 13 when I asked my parents if they would rather me be a useful (the type of person running wall street, raiding and sacking corporations for $$ at the expense of others losing their jobs) person or a kind person (the type who cares after parents, donates money, and keeps puppy dogs). My dad said a useful person.</p>
<p>So what motivated you to ask them that question?
Did you really want an answer or were you confirming values that you already suspected ( of theirs or your own)
Is that * their* definition of a useful person or your own?</p>
<p>I have found that those who are constantly telling others how bright/resourceful/successful they are, are very insecure and uncomfortable with that.</p>
<p>When you are secure & centered, it is easy to be warm and gracious. When you feel you are inadequate , you can come off as arrogant/abrupt/anxious.</p>
<p>It all started when i was around 13 when I asked my parents if they would rather me be a useful (the type of person running wall street, raiding and sacking corporations for $$ at the expense of others losing their jobs) person or a kind person (the type who cares after parents, donates money, and keeps puppy dogs). My dad said a useful person.</p>
<p>So what motivated you to ask them that question?
Did you really want an answer or were you confirming values that you already suspected ( of theirs or your own)
Is that * their* definition of a useful person or your own?</p>
<p>I have found that those who are constantly telling others how bright/resourceful/successful they are, are very insecure and uncomfortable with that.</p>
<p>When you are secure & centered, it is easy to be warm and gracious. When you feel you are inadequate , you can come off as arrogant/abrupt/anxious.</p>
<p>“By popular demand lets redefine “useful.” Lets say its a tangible achievement, say a college or graduate degree from a top top University.”</p>
<p>Oh my, I think you’ll need to come up with a better definition than that. One problem I have with your question is that you are assuming that one cannot be useful as well as kind.</p>
<p>Are all jobs useful to someone, somewhere?
Your first definition of useful was preposterous!</p>
<p>All jobs are useful to different degrees. I concede that usefulness is hard to determine.</p>
<p>I believe salary is the best indicator of usefulness. Your salary is 99% correlated to your productivity (usefulness to society) except in cases of obscene inefficiency. Ibankers get paid high digits because they add value to Goldman Sachs or BOA’s Meryll Lynch (the board of directors at those companies sure think so). Why pay Steve Jobs $65 million? Because he add well over $100 million in profits. Burger flippers get paid minimum wage because… well everyone can do their job. High salary means more taxes paid to support and subsidize the poor. Dont forget that the top 1% of taxpayers pay more taxes than the bottom 95% combined. Thats a lot of government jobs…</p>
<p>This is the best definition i can come up with as of the moment.</p>
<p>Trollin’ the Parents Forum, ambitious.</p>
<p>“trollin’”? Are you trying to show off your swaG through your removal of consonants? </p>
<p>Do I live under a bridge? I think not. I live in a rather nice suburb.</p>
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<p>Not true. Every good corporation has a documented succession plan in place. If they don’t have that, they have a Business Continuity Plan. Both of these define who will run the company under a variety of circumstances. Even at the highest level of “usefulness” (gag) there are redundancies and back-ups to prevent panic. Didn’t Apple do just fine during Steve Jobs’s cancer spell?</p>
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It was actually meant to convey my indifference toward anything you say and the general apathy of this forum concerning your woes. But I suppose it adds a bit of panache to my response as well.</p>