My parents are so disappointed in me..

Parents Forum
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<p>I am a very high achieving student (2300+ SAT, high rank, excellent excellent EC, etc) but my parents are very disappointed in the type of person i am turning out to be.</p>

<p>It all started when i was around 13 when I asked my parents if they would rather me be a useful (the type of person running wall street, raiding and sacking corporations for $$ at the expense of others losing their jobs) person or a kind person (the type who cares after parents, donates money, and keeps puppy dogs). My dad said a useful person.</p>

<p>Four years later, my parents are regretting their words as i have become a very very scary person with superb intellect in my immediate surroundings. My parents often just give into my demands because they know that I am almost certain to win arguments and they will only win by yelling at me, disregarding the rationale behind argumentation. I am sure that my parents sometimes talk at night when they think i am asleep and are worried about me. Let me make it known that my demands are not too unreasonable and that i am from an relatively well off upper middle class family.</p>

<p>My question is, would you have your kid rather be a useful person or a kind person? Obviously both would be optimal but that is not an option in this hypothetical scenario (our subject has only enough time and patience to pick one of the options).</p>

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<p>Where did you ever get the idea that corporate raiders are useful? I define “useful” people as people who make the most of their capabilities to help make the world a better place. And who says that “useful” people can’t be kind people?</p>

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<p>Your hypothetical examples are outlandish. No reasonable person would define raiding and sacking corporations as a “useful” activity.</p>

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<p>Kind person. No doubt whatsoever. The world is already too full of despicable ambition-seekers and notably devoid of empathy and altruism.</p>

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<p>i would rather my kid follow his heart…rather than ask me what they should become. i can assist but the choice has to be theirs…some students are more practical, some are more caring… but being one does not preclude the other imo</p>

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<p>Your definition of what is “useful” is what I would consider to be a very destructive person.</p>

<p>I would rather my child be kind than fit your definition of “useful.” My definition of “useful” people are people who are kind and compassionate. </p>

<p>To me, it sounds like you’re choosing to blame your parents for the type of character you’ve developed. I suggest that you take responsibility for your own decisions and not blame your parents. You are the one choosing to be self centered and obnoxious.</p>

<p>If you are not pleased with the type of person you’ve become, then change. You can make that choice.</p>

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<p>Grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Do good and be good so you can be happy and sleep well at night.</p>

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<p>Ditto.</p>

<p>10char</p>

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<p>I highly suggest you find a healthy hobby or activity other than posting bizzaro questions on the parents forum.</p>

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<p>Dear jason: from a “relatively well off, upper middle class family”, getting 2300s, high rank, excellent excellent [sic] EC. Here’s why I would be incredibly disappointed. You say this and still can’t capitalize the “I”:

Start by treating your parents with respect. Stop it with the over-the-top descriptions about yourself. And grow up: you have about a month before you’re off to college. </p>

<p>You may discover 2300s aren’t that special, your ECs aren’t that excellent, and even you should be lucky to have parents who haven’t kicked you out.</p>

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<p>Jason, I’ve read your rude remarks to many posters on cc. My advice: Work on kindness.</p>

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<p>Kind.</p>

<p>In any case, the best answer is a combo of both. Being useful but having no ability to be kind to others, work well with others, show compassion to others is… well… useless.</p>

<p>Stop blaming your parents for what was a stupid hypothetical question that you posed several years ago for <em>your</em> <em>own</em> terrible and selfish behaviors today.</p>

<p>Being useful or just “book smart” is not the whole picture and you know it.</p>

<p>If you can’t stop yourself from being this way, then get yourself into counseling. To be honest, you sound a little bit like a sociopath and that is worrisome. I hope I am wrong.</p>

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<p>So ya think you’re smarter than your parents… can’t say I don’t recognize that feeling. Trust me, when you finally mature a bit and for one reason or another have the opportunity to deal with a teenager that used to be just like you (for me it’s my younger brother), you’ll see how foolish it is to get into an argument with one. You probably don’t realize how close-minded your arguments are right now, so you think you win because your parents don’t care to argue with your absurd ideas. If I were my parents, I wouldn’t have given myself a second thought, and I bet that’s exactly what your parents are thinking.</p>

<p>Point is, it makes no difference how smart you are. If you really are smarter than your parents, then who cares? It’s up to you to fix yourself and stop being the type of person you don’t want to be. Here’s where raw intellectual potential’s influence becomes nothing in the face of maturity and character. Your parents said something to you. That must’ve made your life so hard. If I had to make a thread about everything my parents have said to me that could’ve put me on the wrong track, it’d be monstrous. That’s no insult to parents in general, since parents are people and people make mistakes. That doesn’t mean I have to do everything they say just because they want it. Someday they will die and I will be left to live my life and I want it to be my life. It’s your life, why should they have so much influence over you if you don’t want it to?</p>

<p>Also, it seems like your arrogance contributes a lot to your personality… all I can say about that is that it will get you nowhere socially and professionally (and the two aren’t always mutually exclusive) so knock it off.</p>

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<p>Well, Jason, I looked at some of your previous posts on CC and it seems you’re not as bad as you think you are. You have helped other kids out with advice on CC. If you were totally selfish I guess you wouldn’t bother. You do seem to be a little arrogant and too sure of yourself but you’ll grow out of it when you see that there are so many other kids smarter than you in college (yes, smarter than you). I’ve read some of your rude comments too, and I would attribute those to your relatively young age.</p>

<p>People don’t have an insight into who they really are until they are somewhat older. No matter how smart you are, you still don’t know yourself as much as you’d like to think you do.</p>

<p>The other thing is, there is no point in obsessing about who you are, or asking your parents to admire you. You will follow your path, whatever that is, then make corrections as you discover you don’t like what you are doing or who you have become. Or if you’re punished for reckless behaviour. It will take time. </p>

<p>As YDS said, if you really think you are rude, you should work on kindness. </p>

<p>My advice would be, go to college, have a great time, become an I-banker if that is what you want. If you go over the top, you will be punished for it. Even the high and mighty fall. Witness how the CEO of Goldman Sachs isn’t regarded with as much admiration as he used to after the Senate hearings. Or the Fabulous Fabrice Tourre (he must be hiding in the basement wondering if the SEC will be hitting him with a huge fine right now. He certainly hasn’t gone back to work).</p>

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<p>I agree with Momofthreeboys. If you are truly so narrow minded that you don’t get that there is no one way or the other when it comes to the type of person, you are then so inflexible that you are going to have some real problems in life. There is a time to be compassionate and kind; there is a time to be pragmatic and useful. Most of the time, you have to be a blend of both morphing into the ideal mix for an appropriate situation.</p>

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<p>Based on his numerous similarly themed posts on the PreMed forums, Jason is sadly either what he claims to be or a complete ■■■■■ trying to stir the pot. His always arrogant and condescending remarks that portray a persona of “all I care about is money and prestige” have caused most on the PreMed forum to ignore him. I would suggest that also be the case here.</p>

<p>Don’t give him the pleasure of seeing that he has riled up a new audience.</p>

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<p>Jason,
don’t worry so much about what your parents or others think. When you look in the mirror, what do YOU think of the person you see?</p>

<p>I get the feeling that you are not a fan of the face in the mirror.</p>

<p>You are obviously a person with a lot of gifts…intellectually and otherwise.</p>

<p>And you are smart enough to know that one can go far in life by using his gifts without being an arrogant nincompoop. Actually, a lot farther. Is being an arrogant fool going to impress your professors or your classmates…ie., your network as you enter real adult life? How is being nasty to your family useful to you?</p>

<p>What joy do you get from behaving like you claim you do? It seems like – really --not much.</p>

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<p>I think a kind person is a useful person and an unkind person is a useless person.</p>

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<p>I think that the OP’s question is thought-provoking, once you separate it out from the personal details. I’ve often wondered to what extent striving to be very successful (here I’m defining success as tangible and/or documented achievements within a particular realm of human endeavor such as academics, athletics, art, music, career advancement, etc.) is in an inverse relationship with being a kind, generous, and helpful person. In other words, the more you strive to succeed personally, the less time and energy you have to help others. Conversely, the more you strive to help others, the less time and energy you have remaining to promote your own interests.</p>

<p>Speaking personally, I’ve been a stay-at-home-mom for years. I’ve chosen this path because, given my specific life circumstances, it was the best way to properly care for, nuture, and guide my children (one of whom has special needs). I’ve also had a little time to volunteer for other community organizations such as church and schools. However, obviously my own personal “success” and development has suffered as a result. I haven’t built a wonderful career, written a book, or engaged in many fulfilling hobbies. My needs and wants are secondary to those of my family.</p>

<p>One of my children is a recruited athlete and rising college freshman. During high school, taking AP and advanced classes and practicing and competing ate up most of her time. Volunteer work and other activities geared toward helping others took a backseat during the school year, though she did engage in volunteer service more actively during previous summers. This summer, however, she is working a little more than full time, and then has to complete a time-consuming college training regimen for her sport. After that, there just isn’t time left to “help others” in any kind of scheduled, prescribed manner. This doesn’t mean that she can’t and doesn’t behave considerately at work or wherever, such as holding the door open for a co-worker, etc. But she isn’t focused on helping others at the current time. Sometimes I worry that D’s success has come at the expense of learning to be a giving, other-centered person.</p>

<p>I can only imagine that being “helpful” must be even more difficult for true experts and superstars who must practice even more and who have even greater demands on their time. Sure, maybe they do a benefit concert now and then, or visit sick kids in the hospital, but being tops in their field usually means they have to dedicate themselves to that endeavor with all their energies.</p>

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<p>This post is from the same kid who is convinced oncology as a field will be obsolete by the time we’re finished with residencies (ie, before 2020). That claim is baseless, even given the impressive speed and sophistication of cancer research today.</p>

<p>If that’s your definition of useful, what’s the point? I can’t wrap my brain around how living the type of life you describe would be desirable by, well, anyone. Do you plan to have time for family, friends, and hobbies–or do you think you’ll “just” be a useful person? I bet deep down you’d rather leave space for other fulfilling things. I’d suggest cuddling up with Dr Seuss’s “The Grinch”</p>