<p>Ignoring it doesn’t work.
Talking to them doesn’t work.
Crying doesn’t work.</p>
<p>And it’s driving me crazy. Mom’s sick and let down by dad, who seems like a psycho…I want to say ‘is’, but somehow I’m afraid to do that.</p>
<p>What should I do?</p>
<p>Can you ask your parents if YOU can go to counseling, just for yourself? Just say you have your own issues you want to work on with a counselor. Then you can talk to the counselor about this and he/she can then talk to your parents with you.</p>
<p>How’s this idea: tell your parent you want to go to counciling because they don’t too much and you are in distress. That might just wake them up.</p>
<p>typo: …because they FIGHT too much…</p>
<p>I’m sorry that your parents fight too much. Have you tried talking to them? If your mom is “sick” and your dad is “psycho” then it may not help to talk to them, but it is considerate to at least try to speak to your parents about issues like this before approaching strangers (by strangers I don’t mean CC; I mean outside counselors, etc.)</p>
<p>I posted earlier, as did another parent, but we were erased. Are the fights verbal only? Are there threats of physical violence? Let me assume the first. Firstly, remember that you have no control over your parents’ relationship or behavior. I’m sorry that their behavior is affecting you, but you have no ability to change them, only yourself.
i advise that you let your folks know that you are distressed by their arguing and that you plan to excuse yourself whenever the argument erupts. Then quietly do so. Go for a walk. Head to your room to read, watch t.v., call a friend, or listen to music. Paint, draw, dance, or write in a journal.
Consider talking to a counselor at your school.
Parents may not directly share their tensions with you.
If the fighting is phisical, write again. My advice will be different.</p>
<p>It often happens that right when you need help to get “launched” to college, parents seem to be dealing with great disappointments in their own lives and often in their marriages. I was a licensed counselor but mainly am a Mom and my parents divorced in the college years. I spent a lot of time fretting about them when I was stil in my teens as if that was going to somehow fix things and later I realized I was not part of the equation. </p>
<p>And here is my best advice. Go ask for an appointment now and talk to someone. It will give you courage and permission to take care of yourself and understand what you can and cannot listen to or tolerate. It is hard to know what words like sick and psycho mean in context but a professional person might help you define the problem better.</p>
<p>You can’t fix your parents or change them and whatever influence you have–or think you have-- will destabilze anyway because the time when you are gone a lot is approaching. </p>
<p>Don’t wait a long time to talk to an experienced adult a few hours on you and how you are doing. It really is hard to not have parents who are stable when you are trying to leave home. It is not the ideal. But lots of people learn to manage. </p>
<p>There are places where your parents can turn to for help individually or apart. They should have better boundaries around you but since they don’t, you have to make boundaries for yourself even though you care a lot. </p>
<p>One of the great things about being your age and getting prepared to leave home is that this is a time in life when you can “fill in” gaps in your world with new adults and new friends. Your parents are never going to get it all right, but few parents do. So get out in the world and find people who have some qualities that make life work for you. This takes time and sometimes you have to be a bit lonely while you look for people who will matter a lot to you in your future. You will see that you don’t have to totally rely on your parents getting better which may feel hopeless…you can rely on them for some things but also on learn how to conduct your life from examples of other people you will come to trust and feel safe with, too. It is hard being an older teen wrapped up in middle aged angst and you don’t really belong in that soup.<br>
Your being happy and fulfilled may be the most positive gift you can contribute to your parents. But you may have to reach past them to get it.</p>
<p>If your parents are not dealing with problems well, you may need a little help also defining what really is the core of the problem for you.</p>
<p>And after you get settled in college, make an apt in Student Health and spend a few sessions talking about how your parents fighting worries you and affected you. You have privacy and college counselor staff members are very used to dealing with students who are worried about their parents. You may be surprised at what two or three counseling hours can do in terms of helping you put things in a better perspective.</p>