So I’ve finished my freshman year of college, and am to start my sophomore year this fall. However recently, my parents have expressed concern that they feel that I am not emotionally ready to go back, and insist on not sending me for atleast a semester. I am an international student, and am away from home for most of the year and can only visit during summer and winter break.
I understand their concern. I was showing signs of depression during my second semester and gained about 15 pounds during the year. However, it has gotten A LOT better. I lost 10 pounds last month, and am continuing to work out and eat healthy to lose the rest of the weight, and I feel a lot better emotionally after going on vacation with my family this summer. I feel that I am making progress, and I know that I will be able to handle the next school year. However, they’re still not convinced, and despite trying to prove to them that I am infact getting better, they still believe that I am not ready. I don’t know what else to do.
My parents feel that taking a semester off might be good for me, and they feel that it may be a good time for me to focus on myself. However, I feel that if I am at home for another six months with nothing to do, the depression might get worse. All my friends would be busy studying, my sisters will be busy with school, and there are no considerable recreational activities offered in my hometown that I really enjoy. How do I convince them that going back to college might actually be good for me? That staying at home for a semester might not be an effective solution to my depression?
@strikemidnight Yes, I wonder what you would do back at home (overseas?) without being in school. Are your parents refusing to send you back? Any other factors here?
They’re thinking with their hearts… make them think with their heads.
Write them a letter. A nice, detailed, specific letter in which
– you tell them you’re feeling stronger (illustrate how)
– you’re taking care of yourself (tell them how – eating well, exercising, sleeping enough)
– you have a plan of action for next fall (tell them about the classes you want to take, the schedule you’d like to have, the recreational activities you plan)
– explain you’re worried about being at home, with all your friends busy elsewhere, with nothing to do, with getting behind in school, with missing out on opportunities at school
– promise to get help for depression at your school. Show them links to what kinds of resources are available on campus. And then once you’re back on campus, USE THOSE RESOURCES
– promise to email them often, and to be honest with them about your state of mind. Assure them that you will come home should you get worse and feel being at home would do you good
– tell them how important it is for your own self-confidence to be able to try again. Tell them you’ve put a lot of effort and thought into being stronger and healthier.
I’m assuming that you have enough insight into yourself to be able to gauge your health, and that you yourself feel ready. If they still are reluctant to send you back, ask them for specifics as to why – and specific suggestions how they plan to help you.
Finally – good luck. And best wishes for next year.
You didn’t mention what your grades were. How did you do?
@CheddarcheeseMN My grades were fairly decent. I got above a 3.0 GPA in both semesters
@PetulaClark Their hearts are pretty set on not sending me back. On one hand they say that they will not stop me from doing something that I really want to do (i.e. going back to school), and then on the other they say that the final decision as to whether they should send me or not lies with them solely, and if they don’t want to send me in the end, they wont. My sister starts her freshman year in the same university this fall also. I have wondered if this might be one of the underlying reasons for them to insist that they will not send me (because they don’t want two of their children to be away from them at the same time) but they insist that this is not the reason.
+1on #2.
I would add that an unproductive, unchallenging semester in exile at home is not much help for depression. Consider adding an exercise routine to the regimen.
If you are already getting help for depression, ask for the advice of the treatment provider.
@katliamom Thank you so much for your advice! A letter is actually a good idea. It would help me get my own thoughts in order before conveying them to my parents. I might actually try that 
'My sister starts her freshman year in the same university this fall also. ’
This makes it even more puzzling why they want you to stay home. Wouldn’t you and sister be able to give each other support at (for her) new school? Not trying to pry, but is costs of college for two a factor?
I can also see that parents’ primary concern is your well-being, and they are being loving and cautious. Though I agree with #6: ‘an unproductive, unchallenging semester in exile at home is not much help for depression.’
@WISdad23 Thats exactly what I have been trying to tell them, but theyre not understanding. They say I can get an internship somewhere for the semester, but I really don’t want to do that in exchange for taking time off and falling behind in school.
I have been exercising recently. And no, I havent been getting any help, but I can mentally feel that I have gotten better. The exercise has helped tremendously, and I just FEEL happier (if that makes any sense).
It should be noted that yes, I am not quite one hundred percent yet (where my depression is concerned) and this point concerns them the most. I have tried to tell them that it wont just get better in a day, but I feel that they are not willing to acknowledge the progress that I have already had where my mental health is concerned. I have made some amazing friends in uni. but my mother tends to shun that fact, saying that she doubts that I have formed such good friendships with people that I’ve only known for a year.
Living in a conservative society with different family values, my mom never went to college, and my father started working for the family in his 20s, so college fell through for him. I don’t think they totally understands what the experience is like. I truly am SO grateful that they are willing to give me something that they did not have in their youth. My grandmother was very much against sending me to college, but they sent me anyways, saying that they think that the experience would be good for me. Going overseas to study for a girl in my country is an EXTREMELY big deal haha
I think that the depression and weight gain kind of made them feel that college was not a good idea, and it might have made them feel that the experience is not good for me. I feel that this makes them even more wary to send me back, so I really do understand their point of view. I just feel that they are not trying to understand mine.
@PetulaClark No, thankfully, the cost of college is not a factor. I study in Turkey, so I tuition is a lot less than US colleges. Both my sister and I also have considerable scholarships, and my dad has savings that he has specifically put aside to educate us.
That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to tell them, but they say that this is about me, and my well being, and not about my little sister. Its not a factor that they are taking into consideration to send me back. According to them, if I don’t go back my sister will be able to handle herself, just like I did in my freshman year.
Maybe you should see a therapist or psychiatrist to get an opinion to reassure (or reaffirm) your parents? Could be money well spent.
@WISdad23 Maybe… it might help