<p>My point with stalling is that OP will be better able to handle the situation after having obtained an education. How would you propose OP finance college if there is a break with his parents? As many have said, he may change his mind. </p>
<p>The fact is until OP weds he can change his mind. The precedent he will be setting is education is important, and marriage should wait.</p>
<p>I also say stall to get his education paid before he does anything. It is important to get his education paid for.</p>
<p>Wait until it is a real and present issue. I agree with the advice to wait to marry and to advise your father that you want to wait to marry. The issue is currently enmeshed with many other issues. Wait.</p>
<p>Yes, take one issue at a time. Make sure you have family support for your college. Show indiference in other aspects. Do not ask provoking questions like why they came to USA. Everybody came her to have a better life. Some decided to asimilate more than others. Just appreciate the fact that they are here, you have much more opportunities in you life than any other place on Earth. You do not know your and your parents position in 4 - 5 years. Do not worry too much about distant future. Future might be completely different than you and your parents have ever planned/imagined.</p>
<p>May be the attributes of the parents are the same as the kid’s? But just in different order?</p>
<p>May be a list from parents and a list from the offspring. Then several negotiation sessions.</p>
<p>“I also say stall to get his education paid before he does anything. It is important to get his education paid for.”</p>
<p>I agree. It’s also very likely that his current relationship won’t last. Most romantic relationships of high school and college students end relatively swiftly. </p>
<p>For all he knows, by the time he graduates from college, he may be willing to be in an arranged marriage or he may have fallen in love with a woman his family finds to be acceptable.</p>
<p>^I am really not attracted to pakistani girls. They are not very open minded, and even on the american scale, I am liberal. I say okay to gay marriages etcetera, everything that is wrong I guess in Pakistan.</p>
<p>NuclearPakistan, when you’ve been out in the world a little bit you will meet more people, even Pakistanis who are different from what you’re used to. My co-worker has an arranged marriage. His wife is as liberal, modern, western (and gorgeous!) as it gets, as is their large circle of friends. The reason for that is that they’re all very well educated and traveled, and are adults with careers and experience under their belt. I agree with the stall suggestion. You will be a very different person after college, and the people you meet will be very different, as well.</p>
<p>^Okay thank you, I agree!</p>
<p>no point in forcing the issue now.</p>
<p>the only circumstance under which a confrontation is warranted is if your parents are trying to arrange a marriage now. Though this may sound totally outlandish, I know that in Europe it’s quite common for North African Muslim parents to arrange a marriage between their young off springs who are barely legally permitted to marry and those in the home country and bring them to Europe. I hope your parents are not thinking of anything like this. </p>
<p>I really sympathize with you. Very early on, I decided that I would never marry a man of my own ethnic community since I just simply did not want to live in the community that put so many restrictions on me. In a traditional society, you don’t just marry a person, you marry a whole community. I concluded that regardless of how open minded a man may be, there is no way I am willing to deal with the whole web of in laws and friends who are bound by their way of thinking. </p>
<p>I am not saying arranged marriages are categorically problematic. It could work very well - much better than a lot of “love marriages” that end in a bitter divorce. However, those of us whose ideas severely deviate from the norm of the society, an arranged marriage is a recipe for disaster. </p>
<p>I ran away as far as possible and married a Western man who grew up on opposite end of the planet who share my liberal cosmopolitan view of life. I believe that the best decision I ever made in my life is the decision to run away from my own people. I would have never been able to live fully if I had stayed. I am happily married (23 years and counting) with two terrific children. </p>
<p>Ultimately, you may be confronted with a situation where your western way of thinking is simply not compatible with the rest of your community. At that point, you may have to make a painful decision. But, it’s not the time yet, and hopefully, you won’t have to make that decision under the gun.</p>
<p>P.S. My parents are VERY HAPPY that I made a decision to run away. Now they realize that I made the perfect decision. They adore my husband, and consider my children as their most cherished grandchildren. They even think that my niece who has a similar personality should also marry a Western man!!!</p>
<p>Do not allow yourself to be legally committed to anyone at your age. Only you can sign papers that legally bind you to a marriage so do not sign anything. To avoid conflicts stall- it will help everyone’s feelings and future expectations. No 18 year old should get married, you will undergo lifechanging experiences in college. Your present girlfriend is not likely to be your future wife either, she is just one of your experiences at this stage in your life. </p>
<p>My H is from India, he obviously chose me. Indians can be Muslim whereas Pakistanis are virtually all Muslim. My H’s aunt is feisty and tells riotous tales of her father’s attempts to marry her off back in India years ago (she came to the US to marry an Indian of her choosing at an older age). A much younger Indian physician couple I know had an arranged marriage, but these people were not in the US when they met and married. I agree with the statement about your parents choosing to raise you in the US means choosing US culture for you.</p>
<p>Always remember that you are a US citizen and living in the US. It is more important that you choose a college that fits you- this may mean a large school with a significant Pakistani student population to satisfy your parents. Once you are in college you will be free to choose your social and academic path. You may point out to your parents that it is premature to plan a future wife at this point- both sets of parents will want to know how you succeed in college, what your degree is, etc. When you are a senior in college you and your parents can decide if having them find a wife for you is acceptable. Therefore your best bet is to remind them that you will not be in the marriage market until you graduate from college and therefore they need to wait until then to plan anything.</p>
<p>A second issue is the generation gap. You are an American and of Pakistani origin whereas your parents are Pakistani living in the US. Despite your home life and any religious, cultural or social Pakistani experiences your parents have given you you also have the American culture as a part of who you are. This sets you apart from them as it does for any immigrant’s children. It is the choice they made when they chose to live in the US and they face the consequences of it whether they like it or not.</p>
<p>Relax about being forced to do your parents’ will at some future time- it won’t happen. Concentrate on your future as a college student. Do not let your current relationship determine where you apply to college. I suspect you feel powerless regarding your parents at this age and there may be a bit of rebellion in your choice of girlfriend (I’m sure having parents from the Indian subcontinent gives you some common ground as well).</p>