My son is going to prom!!!

Parent Cafe
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<p>My son is a junior and has Asperger’s Syndrome. While he is definitely socially awkward, he’s a cutie if I do say so myself. He got to know a girl who’s a senior on a recent school trip. She really hasn’t dated before. (My daughter described her thus: “She’s a nerd. You know, like [brother].”) He took her out for the second time on Saturday and I said, “Don’t be surprised if she asks you to prom.” Sure enough, she did. I’m so happy for both of them-for the girl, because she has a date for prom. For my backward Aspie son, because he has a date for prom.</p>

<p>Now I just have to get on the phone with some other momos and find out what is expected of him…I didn’t go to high school down here, so I don’t know local prom etiquette.</p>

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<p>That’s so nice, hope it’s a fun experience for him (& her).</p>

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<p>Missy - there was a documentary on MTV that I saw that profiled the prom experience of a group of students, darn I wish I remembered the name of it, since one of the students had Aspergers and was so inspiring to watch, he even ran for prom king. Give me time and hopefully it will pop back in my head…</p>

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<p>Hey missypie, that’s wonderful! I hope they both have a great time!</p>

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<p>Exciting. Enjoy - mom, son and date.</p>

<p>Come back and tell us the details. Some of us are experts at living vicariously ;). Especially we whose kids didn’t go to prom!</p>

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<p>Congratulations, Missypie! I know EXACTLY how you feel since DS also has Asperger’s. He went to the prom Jr and Sr yr although both times it was just with female friends and as part of a larger group of friends some of whom were dating and some who were not. Still, it is wonderful for our Aspie kids to do such “normal” things since they need a lot more practice when it comes to figuring out all the “rules” of personal relationships (not that I am expert in this area this since I am more on the spectrum than off it! It’s sometimes like the blind leading the blind at our house especially when it comes to things like teenagers and dating :wink: )</p>

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<p>Just want to say that I am happy for you and your son. Yes, do fill us in on all of the details. Inquiring minds want to know ;)</p>

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<p>That’s wonderful, Missypie! (For both of them, definitely.)</p>

<p>Please let us know how it goes.</p>

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<p>Missypie,
Sometimes the social acceptances are more anticipated than the college acceptances.
I hope they have a blast!</p>

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<p>“Sometimes the social acceptances are more anticipated than the college acceptances.”</p>

<p>That has actually been a bit of a problem this year. One of the things that made us think something was up with our son is that he had no friends…he was in a 4th grade class with a bunch of nice boys that we knew, and he had no friends. The Asperger’s diagnosis explained a lot. As he’s gone through school, he’s done better socially, but hasn’t really had a “social life” …he hasn’t gone out on weekends or anything. However, this school year he’s had quite a few more social opportunities, and I’ve wanted him to be able to say yes to all of them…with my more social daughters, I wouldn’t think twice about saying, “no you can’t go, you have too much homework”, but I’ve wanted to let my son go to things in spite of the homework because social invitations have been so rare.</p>

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<p>Missypie,
It is one of the challenges of parenthood to be fair to all but to give each child what he/she needs. In your shoes, I hope I’d let the son go in spite of the homework.</p>

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<p>Thanks for posting the nice news about your son. I hope he and his date have a fine time.</p>

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<p>This is exciting news. I would imagine your son is pretty psyched about the prom
Last year at my daughter’s school, the prom king was a student in special ed. The votes are cast by the teachers , but the students were pretty excited for the boy…it really made the end of his high school experience complete.
I hope that your son and his date have the time of their life.</p>

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<p>Congrats, I can relate, our DS is on the low spectrum of Aspergers, it is very hard as a parent, especially when every yr you have to explain to the teacher what Aspergers is and that since he is so low he does not qualify for any IEPs…he was in 3rd when we finally pinpointed that it was Aspergers, he’s now in 8th.</p>

<p>BTW A little known fact we were told when the gc told me about Aspergers…Bill Gates and Steven Spielberg both have it.</p>

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<p>classic case of beauty is in the eye of the beholder…given a chance to get to know one another (during the school trip), two kids who normally are on the periphery, if you will, find common interests and good company… that is fabulous… and I too send along wishes for a wonderful experience… from the anticipation, to the tux rental, to the flower choice, the photos and dancing… it is always fun to witness kids wanting to look nice and wanting to be with their classmates for a pivotal event…
Kudos, Missy, to your son for persevering and remaining open to new friends.</p>

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<p>I love stories with happy endings! :-)</p>

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<p>Well, the story hasn’t quite ended yet, but hopefully it will end happily. I’ve already been on the phone with a friend whose daughter went to prom a few times, to make sure we know all the “rules.” One thing that she mentioned, that I remember from my own prom, is that the actual school event can be pretty lame. I’ll have to make sure they both realize that (Aspies can get quite upset if things don’t turn out as they’d imagined them) and are prepared to just have fun in each other’s company.</p>

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<p>yes the build up seldom matches the actual event</p>

<p>also, does he dance? is he comfortable dancing, even just the “unfortable guy” dance is fine- you the sort of swaying and lifting of feet once in awhile</p>

<p>remind him that lots of guys don’t dance really well, but just dance anyway</p>

<p>and remind him that even if he feels “weird” its okay, but if his date wants to dance, just go for it!!!</p>

<p>also, remind his date may get asked by someone else to dance, she may dance with other gfs and its oay if he asks another girl to dance if his date is busy dancing</p>

<p>this part of dances is awkward even for the smoothest of guys</p>

<p>and let him know that if he asks someone and she says no, don’t worry about it, it is no big deal</p>

<p>when my D started going to dances, i gave them the general ettiquette rules…the big one being don’t do anything to make someone else feel bad, if they ask you and you go egad, be nice about it, and try and say yes most of the time and if you do say no, don’t dance with anyone until that song is over.</p>

<p>And yeah, let him know that sitting and talking with each other and others is fine and lots of fun. </p>

<p>One of those rights of passage us mom types dream about!!!</p>

<p>And you don’t have to buy into the big limo stuff. And if she wants to drive them, that is just fine if he doesn’t yet drive.</p>

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<p>Yes: usually the getting ready (for the girls), the photo ops, the dinner, ans some after prom activity are far more important than the prom itself!</p>

<p>So happy for you and yours, missypie!</p>

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<p>Will you tell us how it went?:smiley: excuse what is Asperge syndrome? I am not a mom but you know:D</p>