<p>My son came home in the middle of the night last night after using both alcohol and cocaine at a party I did not know he was attending. We were up most of the night with him and my H and I are beside ourselves. He is 20 years old and has had many health issues. We are trying to contact a psychiatrist to get him help as soon as possible. Of course we will do everything possible to address this problem, but I am not totally sure what we should be doing. I cannot begin to describe how this feels, right now I am completely numb. </p>
<p>Who has dealt with this and where do we turn for help?</p>
<p>I suspect that the first question that must be answered is how your son feels about this. Does he view it as a problem? Would his response be ‘I’m only doing what everybody else is doing.’ </p>
<p>If that is his response, then you can not ‘help’ him. You can only decide what boundaries you need to erect to protect yourselves and the rest of your family (assuming there are more children in the picture). </p>
<p>If he sees that there is a problem, then Thank God! I’m sure that you’ll find the right source for help and your son can be very thankful that he has parents who are so caring and concerned for his welfare. </p>
<p>I have no advice as I’ve not gone down this road, but I want to offer my best wishes for a positive outcome for your family.</p>
<p>How did you find out he used cocaine? Why were you up with him all night? Was he intoxicated? When you mention that your son has had health problems, did any of them involve being prescribed painkillers?</p>
<p>I am wondering if this is a behavior problem or a problem with addiction. The definition of addiction is continued use despite negative consequences. Is this what is happening? Has he had negative consequences related to drinking and drug use? Recognition that both alcohol and cocaine use can lead to addiction or serious health and legal consequences is something different. Cocaine is especially dangerous. It can easily turn someone with no propensity for addiction into an addict, and it is a tough one to quit if it takes hold. </p>
<p>If you are having him see a psychiatrist, make sure it is one who is board certified in addiction medicine if you think that problem might be even a remote possibility. You can google that and find someone in your area. For a kid who is using cocaine, I would go this route no matter what just in case. If your son does need some prescription help to steady him out, a doc certified in addiction medicine will know what to prescribe that cannot potentially be abused (i.e benzos or Ritalin). Also, find a certified chemical dependency counselor to do an assessment on him. These assessments are not perfect - you can get a false read either way. Still, it can provide a guidepost, and you want to err on the side of caution. </p>
<p>If you do find that there is a problem with addiction, everything else in his life then takes a back seat to getting him into recovery. That means he takes a leave from school, and goes to an in-patient treatment program and stays there for a long time (my first call would be to Hazelden in Minnesota - I am not in any way affiliated BTW). Twenty year olds who are diagnosed with the disease of addiction are medically fragile, and the situation would not be more statistically serious than if he had something like a malignant brain tumor. That is not an exaggeration. I don’t want to freak you out, because maybe your son is instead exhibiting risk-taking behavior (so no five star alarm necessary). The risks could still lead to a terrible place, but the course of action you need to choose is different. A good counselor could help him work through issues with risk taking behavior.</p>
<p>Dear Friends,
Thank you for your helpful responses and encouragement. I do not have enough time to respond individually to all the excellent comments right now, but did want to give a quick update. My son was admitted to the psych unit at a large hospital in our city for evaluation. He is being evaluated for depression, suicidal ideation and possible chemical addiction. When I told him we were planning to have him admitted a tiny look of relief passed over his face. He did not resist or complain even though it took about 6 hours to finally get him into the unit from the ER. He is on complete lock down and his physicians will help determine if he needs to go to rehab after his initial evaluation. He has to withdraw from school, move out of his apt., give up his car and move back home with us for an undetermined amount of time. It was a very difficult day yesterday but my H and I are grateful and relieved he is safe and getting the help he needs. </p>
<p>Thank you for all your kind words and helpful observations. If anyone else has additional advice or has been down this road, please feel free to pass on any ideas. We are taking this one step at a time and of course, second guessing ourselves constantly. I am praying for him every waking (and sleeping!) moment because we desperately want our son back.</p>
<p>OP - I’m so glad for you that your son is safe. I am becoming more aware of how many college students use drugs not just to party but to self-medicate. Your son is very fortunate to have you!</p>