<p>I can add 4 observations to all the good things above:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>For me it didn’t get better (to a “new normal” emotionally ) until around Nov. of sophomore year, so just give yourself plenty of time. </p></li>
<li><p>By sophomore year, I noticed my pride in his accomplishments away from home had gradually eclipsed my feelings of missing him. On balance I was happier thinking about him and all he was doing, even though far away. College offered him so many opportunities that couldn’t be matched – not even close – if he was still living under my roof or in this town. I got used to living with him more in my mind, less at my fingertips.</p></li>
<li><p>This pattern continued with the next 2 kids until we had an empty nest. Bleh. Hated that. </p></li>
<li><p>The first big good news was eldest announcing an engagement. Only then did I realize our family could again expand, not just contract. I’m not even talking about grandchildren; I’m excited to have a DIL (daughter-in-law). That was a full 8 years after the eldest left home as a college freshman.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Just dropped my oldest son at his college today for the first time. I thought I would be a mess. Everyone talks about the tears and how hard the drive back home is.</p>
<p>Unexpectedly, all I could feel was happy for him. </p>
<p>He dove into organizing his room (so unlike his room has ever been at home). He took ownership of his dorm room in a way I’ve never seen him care about anything before. I am so excited for the growth he will undergo in college. I have put so much of myself into his life the past 18+ years, and like the plants in my garden that I love and nurture, I am thrilled to sit back and watch him blossom!</p>
<p>The anticipation of the separation was the worst part of the separation. I do have some small butterflies in my stomach, but I quiet them with memories of my own college days. </p>
<p>Also, I got to listen to Carly Simon on my ipod in the car on the way home at full volume without anyone fussing at me :)</p>
<p>Our oldest son is leaving for graduate school tomorrow am.
I cried for days when he left for undergrad 4 years ago, now DH seems to be taking it hard!</p>
<p>Interesting…and good that we’re not both basket cases at the same time!</p>
<p>Best wishes to the ‘new’ parents on this thread. Enjoy all your children’s amazing accomphishments.</p>
<p>I know when my son left 3 years ago, I missed him terribly and he seemed to miss us too by his joy on his first visit home 2 months later. Seeing him mature and find his way though made it easier with each trip back, but I still missed him. He let me have access to his school’s computer site, so I could see his grades, classes, etc. which helped the first year. I still had his 2 sisters home though, which kept me busy. I know when they leave, unless they are close, will be very hard. I have really good kids, no problems with typical teen things, no big worries at this time, and I don’t have that “Can’t wait to get rid of them” angst I hear so often. I will be proud of them though and I will try to fill some of the void with doing things just for me, which is not always a top priority now. </p>
<p>I also found that first year, making up care packages, shopping for my son during the semester, trying to find special things, funny things, etc. helped also…I don’t know who it helped more, but I know it gave me an outlet and another connection that I needed and he appreciated the items.</p>
<p>My son (only child) is in the shower now; we’re in a hotel in his college town. He is 15. I had one moment yesterday while driving up in which I got teary. As I told him, “I didn’t think this day would come so soon.” (“It’s just two years early, Mom” was his dry reply!)</p>
<p>But other than that, I have only been happy for him! We will be unpacking the car in just over an hour, moving him into his dorm. I look forward to seeing him for his first break, which is in October. </p>
<p>His high school was not working out for a variety of reasons, and his dad and I, and the kid, too, are thrilled we do not have to return him to that school, that there is a better option for him.</p>
<p>If I’m a mess after I’ve said goodbye and left campus, it’s going to be only because I have a 6.5 hour drive home! (That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it! )</p>
<p>Sorry for your long drive home Owlice, knowing that is why you “might” cry. 15??? I don’t feel so sorry for myself anymore. I could not have done what you are doing. That is incredible.</p>
<p>Pull over at a gas station or rest stop and have a good cry. It helps.</p>
<p>I am thinking more and more about the next stage of my life, and I am not exactly sad about not having our kids around. These past few years we’ve had opportunities when both girls were away, the first time was hard, but now I kind of enjoy it sometimes. I think about grandchildren now, how it would be so much fun to spoil them. I was very uptight as a mother. I spent more time worrying about them than enjoying them while they were growing up. Maybe this is for a different thread. We still have a HS sophmore at home and we are going to hold on those few years we have with her.</p>
<p>A few days after S1 was born the grandmother of a friend took me aside and told me, “Congratulations, from now on your job is to protect him, teach him right from wrong and good from bad, but most of all you have to raise him to be independent, self-reliant and strong.”</p>
<p>Dropping him off the first time I realized that my wife and I had done our jobs. This was the moment we’d been working toward. No tears, except of happiness at what he’d accomplished. Do we miss him? Sure; mostly we miss not being able to spend more time with the interesting man that he’s become. We all left home and had our adventures, now it’s his turn. I haven’t been sad, but I have been envious of the surprises awaiting him.</p>
<p>P.S. For what’s it’s worth, after the telling me about my new child rearing responsibilities, the grandmother grabbed my arm and said, “Oh, and you’ll never know another day without worry.” Smart lady.</p>
<p>I have three leaving this week and I still cry when they leave but I am crying more for the daughter who is not returning to her school because of her partying last year. I am still hoping she will pull it together so she may return to her original school.</p>
<p>Someone reminded me that this was what we spent the last 18 years working so hard for- to prepare them for this moment- it is easier for me to look at it like that then to think about starting a new phase…when I quite liked my old one! My nest is empty with both leaving at the same time and if I stop to think about it I will fall apart- so I am finishing all of the 1/2 finished projects I started over the last 18 years and doing my best to not “think” about the implications of what has really just transpired.</p>
Same here. S’s gf moved out of state right after high school graduation, and his job is overnight stocking at Kohl’s (usually about 3 nights/week). We’ve enjoyed watching Netflix DVDs together during the daytime (when he’s not sleeping after his night of work). </p>
<p>It’s a time of limbo for the kids – they are clearly finished with high school, yet they aren’t college students just yet. It was a different sort of summer. There were no summer AP assignments (not that they ever got done before the final weeks of summer vacation anyway!) and only a part-time work schedule. </p>
<p>I’m glad I’ve been able to share this time with him. (We are taking him to college two weeks from today!)</p>
<p>I went through this for the first time last year and it really caught me off guard how painful it was. I expected a bit of sadness. I expected to shed some tears when I left him at school. I did not expect this crashing wave of grief to knock me to my knees. I think it would’ve been easier if I had expected it. </p>
<p>It doesn’t matter how much you try to intellectualize it. You’re obviously aware on that plane that this is a good thing for your child. Unfortunately that provided little comfort. As my friend said, “It is a longing for the way things were.” </p>
<p>I hated being so caught off guard by it, and I hated not knowing when it would end. For me, it took about a month. The first few days were the worst, but the way grief works is you think maybe it’s over and then it sneaks up on you again. </p>
<p>After the first week, when I was still bursting into tears at unexpected times, I decided I was going to have to treat myself the way I’d treat any friend that was grieving. I was very kind to myself. Grief can be very isolating. I reached out to other parents that had freshmen and asked them if they were having a hard time too. The answer was always yes, and we did find some comfort in commiserating. </p>
<p>Actually, this is how I first found CC–I was googling various phrases looking for some sort of information that would reassure me I wasn’t having a nervous breakdown and I found a link to this forum. The support I found here helped immeasurably. Feel free to pm me if you want a sympathetic ear.</p>
<p>I’ll miss my daughter terrribly so I know what I need to do. Get busy doing things I enjoy. Air fares and hotels are very low right now. So after my friend drops her daughter off in DC, we are meeting in NYC for four days. After my return I’m hitting the gym and I’ll find a volunteer project. I intend to walk a lot this fall and seek out others who have become empty nesters. My life is going to be all about me for awhile. I’d rather have my daughter here but this is a passage of life that I must accept so I’m going to look at the upside and embrace my new freedom! I don’t have a lot of money but I can think of a lot of things I’m ready to do that don’t cost a lot. I’m fortunate to live in a college town with a lot free activities.</p>
<p>My son just left too, so we are in the same boat. He called me for the first time today. It was really nice. Take it day by day…Bite by bite. It will get better! (thinking positively)</p>
<p>“My life is going to be all about me for awhile. I’d rather have my daughter here but this is a passage of life that I must accept so I’m going to look at the upside and embrace my new freedom! I don’t have a lot of money but I can think of a lot of things I’m ready to do that don’t cost a lot. I’m fortunate to live in a college town with a lot free activities.”</p>
<p>When one’s nest first empties is a good time to rediscover oneself. You’re also likely to still be healthy enough to do things you’d put off doing or used to do, but ran out of time after your kids were born.</p>
<p>Being active particularly in interesting new things also will make your conversations with your college kid a two way street instead of your student’s feeling you’re living vicariously through them. It’s much more fun to communicate with someone who has interesting things going on in their life than to communicate with someone who’s joy in life is based on what you’re doing.</p>
<p>Coincidentally, younger S and I got into theater at about the same time, and we’ve had fun sharing experiences.</p>
)</p>