My son probably won’t be attending my alma mater…sigh

Parents Forum
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<p>My son probably won’t be attending my alma mater…sigh. </p>

<p>You see, I love my school, that one private school in that premier Midwestern athletic conference. I had a fantastic time there, meeting people from exotic locations such as Jersey, Merrillville, Cleveland; Boston and NYC too. They were all exotic as I grew up in rural America and went to a HS with all of 200 people. </p>

<p>S is sophomore, time to start looking at schools. W and I both agree; he should go to the alma mater. Fantastic. Done deal. The prestige!!</p>

<p>Sticker shock sets in. EFC appears to be about 35,000. Yikes, but with some scrimping and perhaps a few loans we think we can swing it. Fantastic. Done deal. The prestige!!</p>

<p>Thanks to CC begin to start thinking that loans may not be a good thing. A little more analysis is in order. </p>

<p>I start thinking about my undergraduate experience at this ‘elite’ private. Professors largely indifferent to undergrads, TA’s routinely arrogant, coursework was quite frankly not that great. Most courses consisted of 2 midterms, final, and a paper. None were all that intellectually stimulating. Thankfully, most exams were of the essay type so my initial terrible writing skills and analytical skills improved over the course of 4 years. Some students were actively engaged in the learning process and most others were not. Most that were not actively engaged only cared about the final grade. I was one of those. The few that I knew that were actively engaged in the learning process have gone on to do wonderful things…write books, become lawyers, etc. They attended top graduate, business, and law schools. The majority of the people that were just after the grades have gone on to do wonderful things also…doctors, lawyers, business people, etc. Some went to great grad schools, others no grad school and still others went to not so great grad schools. Most just work at regular jobs.</p>

<p>Ten years later I am working and attending grad school at a Pac Ten member. Through the years I had worked with probably 500 undergraduate students at this non-elite school. The few that I knew that were actively engaged in the learning process have gone on to do wonderful things…write books, become lawyers, etc. They attended top graduate, business, and law schools. The rest… some went to great grad schools, others no grad school and still others went to not so great grad schools. Most just work at regular jobs.</p>

<p>I’m now at another school in that premier Midwestern athletic conference and have worked with 1000’s of undergrads. Guess what, there are still only a few that are actively engaged in the learning process. Most just want to get through and get a job.</p>

<p>Now, I’m hoping that my son will be actively engaged in the learning process. He just won’t be doing it at the alma mater. $35,000…I don’t think so. I like his chances just as much at Alabama and Truman State. A person can do great things coming from anywhere. </p>

<p>Thanks CC.</p>

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<p>Here, here!</p>

<p>There are still only a few actively engaged in the learning process. So true. And, yet people wonder why they then have trouble placing themselves in the labor market. Is that really a mystery? </p>

<p>Once one figures out what skills you’ll likely need after college only then can one really get something out of college. Most people spend more time researching which college and less time what skills are needed and what career is wanted and as a result when they are done with college they are waiting for the magic carpet to carry them away to the corner office. </p>

<p>It don’t work like that. </p>

<p>I always say you’ll find out how much you learned in college as soon as you leave campus. Can you think critically? Good! That will help when it comes time to figure out how to sell yourself to an employer. It consistently amazes me how many “educated” people have no clue how to get a job including resume prep, interviewing techniques, office etiquette, etc. </p>

<p>I could make a crack about some of the whacky things you get credit for in college being the blame for that but it is obvious without being stated. I also maintain we have a bunch of “educated” people who are mostly good at TALKING about problems not fixing them.</p>

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<p>Great Post. So many people here at CC get so caught up in the perceived prestige of where they go, rather than how hard they study once they get there.</p>

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<p>Great post!</p>

<p>I had a similar experience with the EFC.</p>

<p>Your alma mater rejected me, but I’m still hoping to attend business school there.</p>

<p>It’s ok though, the school I’m probably going to go to usually beats the crap out of your school in football…thats all that matters right? :)</p>

<p>(though they might have to do it with a new coach next year)</p>

<p>Good luck to your son!</p>

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<p>I hope parents also reflect that any college, anywhere, will not be the same place 30 years later. </p>

<p>Between the kid being “Not Me” and the Campus being “Something different” then all we really get with an alma mater is a) experience with the school song and b) a wardrobe of suitable color already compiled. I’m sure alumni staff would be horrified by that assessment, but I suspect there is some truth in it!</p>

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<p>I was very pleased that my d. decided not to intent my alma mater, despite being recruited there, after three visits, and a good financial aid offer. It just wasn’t for her (and all the things I had not liked when I was there now seemed to be on steroids), and she found a school that was (that even I liked better!) And my alma mater likely got another student instead, who fit better, and got an excellent education.</p>

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<p>Both my kids turned down my alma mater (the better school :), though a public out of state for us) in that same conference. (we used to beat you at football routinely; now, not so much.)</p>

<p>I think both would have thrived there. D went to a different out of state, hated it, and transfered to a LAC that mini’s alma mater routinely beats up on–she was very happy there.</p>

<p>S went to an Ivy and dropped out his senior year. He’d have been happier, I think, in A squared.</p>

<p>Ah well–they both root for the maize n blue, anyway.</p>

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<p>My son won’t be going to my alma mater, either (sometimes referred to on CC as one of the “lesser” Ivy’s…). It wouldn’t have been a good fit for him even if he had the grades and scores to get in, which he didn’t, so the issue never really came up. It was a relief actually, because I’m convinced the cost just is not worth it any more–I would have been at or close to full pay. And Olymom is right, it’s not the same place 30 years later. He’s headed for the state flagship, and that’s fine with me.</p>

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<p>My S is actually going to my alma mater but I think it’s a better place than it was 25 years ago in terms of opportunities.</p>

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<p>My D has no desire to go to my alma mater. We toured last summer, and she could not wait to get out of there. Maybe her younger sister. . . .</p>

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<p>that’s what I said 3 years ago when D1 rejected my alma mater. but now D2 has no interest either. maybe my nephew… ;)</p>

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<p>None of our 4 children would even consider H’s alma mater, Boston College or mine, Syracuse University. All 4 have chosen 4 different schools. Although one of them said she might possibly apply to BC or SU for grad school, so who knows? Or maybe one of my future grandchildren would attend my alma mater. They have all made great choices.</p>

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<p>Pizzagirl: I think the OP went to our alma mater.</p>

<p>Haystack: Thanks for the interesting perspective. While I agree with you, I still hold out hope that DS (only a HS soph now) will consider my (our) alma mater. I will take him there in the summer so as not to scare him away.</p>

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<p>Haystack</p>

<p>I agree with you. CC is helping me get over my bias and open my eyes to the many opportunities at a lesser cost.</p>

<p>I hold out some hope that one of kids would attend my alma mater, but only if the kid gets some of the generous merit.</p>

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<p>My alma mater, although a well respected University, was also very much a party school. And although I would recommend it in a minute for a friend. I don’t really want my kids to go there.</p>

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<p>Happydad’s alma mater is not even on the radar because it doesn’t offer anything remotely related to Happykid’s field of study, and it is in another country where we don’t have any close family anymore. I don’t think there even is a university in that country that offers her major!</p>

<p>My alma mater is barely on the radar, because the program in Happykid’s field is just plain not good enough. Which is a relief because it is hideously expensive, and I would have felt compelled to go out on a limb to pay for it. Ditto for the U where Happydad and I met in grad school.</p>

<p>This means of course that her school(s) will get to be entirely hers. Not a bad deal when you think of it!</p>

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<p>My son is actively engaged in the learning process. That’s what I worry about. It’s true that seeing a copy of the Iliad in Ancient Greek in the library was the high point of his week, but I am holding my breath hoping he finds something to interest him that will allow him to support himself.</p>

<p>Right now, even as a graduating senior, he is beyond thrilled by what he’s learning without a care in the world about where it will take him.</p>

<p>My alma mater has zero prestige in the world. No way my kids would consider it, and it is only 5 minutes from where we live. It did get me accepted at an Ivy grad school, but it’s a familiar old boot to my kids.</p>

<p>I must admit that I loved it, without much reason, actually. But I was young, away from home, and there were just so many yummy courses.</p>

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<p>Well then it’s my alma mater too. I did not encourage my Ds to apply there because, besides the East Cost being more practical for our situation, I felt it wouldn’t feel right for either of them. I have come a long way since I began adulthood as a very sentimental person. Now I’m really happy that each child is forging a totally new path.</p>

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<p>“My son is actively engaged in the learning process. That’s what I worry about. It’s true that seeing a copy of the Iliad in Ancient Greek in the library was the high point of his week, but I am holding my breath hoping he finds something to interest him that will allow him to support himself.”</p>

<p>They’ve ruined him for life! They did that to me, too, and it took me 40 years to recover. Actually, what I learned was to live rich, but without any money. Good lesson!</p>

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<p>Well mini, if you could teach that and find your audience, you’d probably have a lot of money!!</p>