my teacher has just ruined me

<p>my school only wanted 1 teacher rec but i sent in 2. I was worried more about teacher B than teacher A but teacher A has just screwed me over badly.</p>

<p>At first i thought B would write a so-so rec but thats not the case. However, A, with whom i've had for 3 years just backstabbed me. While in a casual conversation, i told him about me playing on the basketball team and how hard i've worked. He said "Oh i wish you would have told me this sooner"... I went, "What!? I wrote this stuff down in my packet i gave you."</p>

<p>He saw the expression on my face so he said, "well dont worry, i wrote you a fab...(I think he wanted to say fabulous but he changed it to very good rec) But it just wasnt as emotional as I would have liked. Yours is one of the hardest ones for me to do."</p>

<p>I ask him what he was talking about and he said, "well you're... you're intense..." From the tone of his voice and the way he worded it, i think he told the colleges that Im one of those gloomy kids that sit in the back only caring about grades.Not involved in class discussion,etc. I thought what he said was total bs. I participate 1-2 times a day with some very good question or input, not just open my mouth to spew out bs. </p>

<p>He promised me that it was a very good rec. But i feel like he basically has just killed my chances at elite colleges with his garbage. I feel destoried and backstabbed by this guy who i thought we were really cool.</p>

<p>I am pretty sure that he gave praises about academic work, drive, etc. But im really worried about the way he protrayed me to the colleges as this gloomy moody person [I think he got that impression because lots of times he'd tell jokes or just give a mad crappy lesson and i dont join in on his "fun"]...</p>

<p>I know this guy meant no harm but i feel so backstabbed</p>

<p>I'm so sorry, John. Have you considered maybe sending in a third rec from someone who can write a stellar one for you?</p>

<p>Don't dwell on it and second guess. It is rare that a difficult rec alone will sink someone. Most teacher's recs are blase and boring. Adcoms complain about this all of the time. The one thing they extoll consistently about the prep schools are the thorough recs they give. Which is not necessarily to every student's advantage either.</p>

<p>Listen to Jamimom and try not to worry.</p>

<p>ditto all said...question for lamom...are you la Louisiana or la Los Angeles? (This is coming from LAgal!)</p>

<p>mello out man
what's done is done...just because you didnt laugh at his crappy jokes wont keep you from a good college
with your determination, you'll excel at any college no doubt
work hard and dont sweat the past, just make sure the stupid guidance people do things right...gawd, u have to put everything in explicit writing to get anything done
things never change, not even when you go between schools</p>

<p>Have always used maiden name initials LA at work, born in LA county, went to school in LA (USC), Love Newman's song "I love LA". Used to think LA Dodgers were the best in the world. But after 19 yrs of marriage to NJ born husband-am a Yankee fan. Found CC looking for stuff for National Hispanic Scholars but didn't mean to be la (the) mom. What LA are you? nice to meet you. Meant to be LAmom but can't type sometimes.
LA</p>

<p>When it comes to colleges like Harvard, virtually all of the students are intense. Being called "intense" by a teacher certainly would not be the kiss of death at an elite college. Lighten up.</p>

<p>no offense or anything but you do seem like someone who would be intense...</p>

<p>Johntam, I think maybe you're reading something more negative into the teacher's statement than was meant. Perhaps he was just concerned that he wrote about you solely as an intellectual academic student and didn't make you more well-rounded, a fact that will appear somewhere else in your application anyway. It's certainly not bad for a teacher to call someone an intense student.</p>

<p>from what you've said, it didn't sound like it was a terrible recommendation. And it is VERY rude of you to call a teacher who (at least in my school) does NOT have to write you a recommendation but opted to do so a backstabber just because his recommendation was "very good", but not "fabulous". I think you need to lighten up. I hate the lack of respect given to teachers who write recommendations nowadays. Not only are all my teacher recs completely confidential, I am equally grateful to every teacher that spent their time trying to get me into college, regardless of what they say. Recs are filled with such garbage these days because so rarely are they confidential anymore. There are kids asking for 4 or 5 recommendations, sitting down and CHOOSING the ones that make them sound the best to schools and tossing the rest; there are kids, like you, complaining exaggeratedly just because your teacher chose to write you a "very good" recommendation filled with what they believed to be the truth, rather than a "fabulous" recommendation filled with garbage.</p>

<p>I disagree with you pebbles- johntam has every right to be upset.</p>

<p>In any case, like LAgal said, see if you can get a supplementary recommendation. Good luck!</p>

<p>also forgot that i posted this thread. My feeling is that if the teacher has any problems with writing my rec then he should have said so in the beginning. But when i asked him to write it, he acted all happy and thankful that i asked him. </p>

<p>When he told me about the whole thing later on, he seemed to be very troubled as if writing the rec was caused him great pain. I feel betrayed because i wasnt aware that he thought this way. If your teacher writes down, "This guy is the best in my class! Gets A+ on all the projects. He is only hell of a student! Best ever. But he is a grade grubber, all he cares about are grades."</p>

<p>How would you feel pebbles? Granted it was not to this extreme but the principle is still the same.</p>

<p>LAgal...Louisiana...maybe not as cool as Los Angeles (or maybe so...lol...:)), but it definitely helps when the top colleges are looking for geographic diversity</p>

<p>johntam...i think you don't need to worry anymore...if you were fated to get in, you will...teacher recs count, but not for quite that much when you consider everything else that colleges will evaluate...besides, you probably have other recs coming in, and your resume/activities list will show that you definitely have time for more than just grade grubbing...best of luck!</p>

<p>I don't think it's as tragic as you've made it sound. He definitely knows you well as a student and you do good work and I'm sure he tried hard to make it good. Nothing more you can do now, so don't worry!</p>

<p>"I ask him what he was talking about and he said, "well you're... you're intense..." From the tone of his voice and the way he worded it, i think he told the colleges that Im one of those gloomy kids that sit in the back only caring about grades.Not involved in class discussion,etc"</p>

<p>I think you are jumping to conclusions. Yes, it's possible that he said that you are "intense." It also seems that he forgot that you play basketball. However, you have no idea what he really wrote. Your idea that he said you were "one of those gloomy kids" is simply your fantasy, not the truth.</p>

<p>However, your calling him a "backstabber" and saying he "ruined" you for possibly saying you are "intense," and your going on and on about this does make you seem like a person who is a grade grubber, nitpicker, etc. The teacher agreed to write a recommendation for you, which meant the teacher went out of his way to do a favor for you. You seem to be quite the ingrate, and you also seem very pessimistic. "Gloomy" comes to mind.</p>

<p>I think that's a little bit harsh, Northstarmom. It's understandable for him to be distressed that this teacher's recommendation wasn't as good as the teacher implied it would be. It seems a bit much to decide that he's a grade grubber, ingrate, or pessimist based on his concern over a process which brings out the worrier/nitpicker/pessimist in the vast majority of highschool seniors.</p>

<p>That said, go get a supplementary recommendation, John.</p>

<p>relax man... from reading your little story, you seem really intense. He didn't ruin you. It's fine if you rec doesn't call you God.</p>

<p>One of my friend's teachers just wrote that the guy is a great student - good character and worried about grades and he got into Harvard... so relax</p>

<p>"I know this guy meant no harm but i feel so backstabbed"</p>

<p>a) you asked him to give a recommendation based upon his observations of your performance - HE writes the rec, not you - these are his words, and you asked for them</p>

<p>b) not saying it's your fault, but perhaps spending at least a moment or two going over what you would like him to stress/things he should know about BEFORE writing the rec would have been helpful</p>

<p>c) you act like the world has just ended - honestly its rather sad that you get that upset about "fabulous" versus "very good", and you are in for a great many more disappointments in life</p>

<p>Summary: suck it up. In your essay write about the stuff the teacher did not include in his rec, and why you are a better candidate that college.</p>

<p>"How would you feel pebbles? Granted it was not to this extreme but the principle is still the same."</p>

<p>I certainly wouldn't feel "back-stabbed". I would have chosen the teacher to write the recommendation for me, knowing that he/she is the one teacher that knows me best. And I would have gone over with them what I would possibly like in the recommendation, and beyond that, I would have left it up to them. Perhaps I'm an idealistic sort but I would much rather a school accept me for the person I am (and the impression I leave on teachers) rather than accept me because they think I'm Jesus Christ incarnate and then be disappointed.</p>

<p>By the way, you shouldn't leave it to your teacher recommendation to mention things like sports. I didn't even include a complete resume for all my teachers who were writing me recommendations. The teachers shoudl concentrate on the environment in which they know you best, not spit out a laundry list of activities that you're involved in.</p>

<p>I wonder how you would do in your interviews... =&lt;/p>