<p>I’ve been with the CC community since D was in the search application status, “way back when”. So I feel as if I know many of you, we’ve gone through some of the same things. </p>
<p>So here I am, 5 years later and D is all set to graduate. She has worked SO hard to earn her engineering degree. We are so, so, so proud of her. She has a great job lined up and begins in early June. So why am I whining?</p>
<p>During the middle of March H suddenly became ill with some serious GI issues. He was admitted to the hospital in mid April and required emergency surgery. Since the surgery his recovery has been slow, with many bumps and unexpected setbacks. He was discharged last week but readmitted and is there now. He WILL be okay, everything indicates no long term problems. He just has to recover. He’s always been a health-conscious guy, a competitive runner, all that stuff. No history of any issues. This was NOT on our radar.</p>
<p>But, the short story is, it’s becoming clear that he won’t be able to attend D’s graduation ceremony. At the time of the surgery we really thought that it would be possible, but now, not. I’m so sad. I haven’t told D (although she knows that it has always been a possibility), she will be understanding but so sad as well. H is an engineer also, and understands how hard she has worked, what she had to endure to get to this point. MIL may also skip the ceremony as we are not entirely sure that H should be left alone for a couple days while we go out of town. It’s just so disappointing. The ceremony will be streamed live…but…still…</p>
<p>Not sure why I’m posting this. I just thought that you guys would understand more than anyone. And I just needed to get it off my chest (but it’s too specific for the “get it off your chest” thread)</p>
<p>I am sorry about this. You have every right to feel disappointed and sad about this. But what is important is your D is graduating with a job, and your H is going to recover. I think you know that. Why not have a graduation party at home when your H is feeling better?</p>
<p>BTW - sometimes I think graduation ceremony is over rated. It is often hot, crowded and you couldn’t really see your kid anyway. Last year when D1 graduated, the best part was the party we threw for her and her friends.</p>
<p>I agree with oldfort – personally I am not a big fan of graduation ceremonies – a family celebration at home can be more meaningful, in my opinion.</p>
<p>Here’s a thought: can you “live broadcast” the ceremony (or at least the parts that would be most meaningful to you) to your homebound H via Skype or FaceTime through some portable device? Or if that’s not possible, do you own or can you borrow a video camera to do the same? Where there’s a will there’s a way.</p>
<p>I, too, am so sorry. Enjoy your daughter twice as much! The weather at home for the graduation video stream is bound to be much better than the stadium for your husband.</p>
<p>I think that’s a legitimate whine. No one can fault you for wanting to share your D’s exciting milestone with her father, your husband! </p>
<p>If there is a way to have the ceremony on video, arrange a grad “ceremony” at home - you all sit down together with a big bowl of popcorn and re-watch the ceremony. Your D will probably enjoy watching it too - much different to “watch it” then the view when you are in it.</p>
<p>I’m sorry your husband will have to miss the ceremony. It is disappointing for everyone, but the good news it that he is okay and he will recover. Keep that in mind. :)</p>
<p>Any chance that the school either broadcasts the ceremony on the internet or sells a DVD. Not the best, but it would be something. My regards to H for a good recovery. He’ll be all ready for the grad school graduation!</p>
<p>Make sure he’s set up to see the live stream, have her call or text him several times as it’s going on (within the limits of decorum), and take lots of pictures.</p>
<p>grad ceremonies are overly long, overly talky, overly rated</p>
<p>My niece never even went to her grad school graduation. Hr family was like phew.</p>
<p>This is a count your blessing moment. Husband is going to be okay. Daughter has a job. You have family to take care of husband while you are away. </p>
<p>There will be many more celebrations. Frankly if my daughters ceremonies, had came back just for the handing out of diplomas I would have missed nothing. It was long tedious boring hot and we couldn’t hear much. My ypnger daughter who sat thru her sisters ceremony said she understand if we brought books to read and sat in the grass under a tree in the back of the lawn area when it’s her turn</p>
<p>When she comes home, it will just make your celebration with her all the more meaningful.
You got her through school and hopefully your husband is on the mend. Be sure to have plenty of Kleenex on hand for the live stream. CONGRATULATIONS!!!</p>
<p>Sometimes when life throws a curveball, you get thru the really tough stuff and then find yourself really bummed by the “last straw.” </p>
<p>I don’t think this a whine, just a real disappointment, not so much for you, but for your DH and your daughter. You are allowed to pout! </p>
<p>As others have suggested there are lots of ways to share graduation. What will really sustain your spouse and daughter is that they share something really special that will follow both of them throughout their lives.</p>
<p>I really am sorry. Not at all analogous, but it turned out I could not accompany my oldest to move in his freshman year (all those trips! all that planning! WAAHHH!). (And yes–I’ve since figured out move-in and -out, like graduation, might not be all it’s cracked up to be. Weather can be awful, can be pretty boring, . . .) What really helped me was as soon as I realized I wouldn’t be able to go, I planned a trip out to visit him for that first Parents Weekend. I’d let your family be sad for just a little while, but then maybe try to move them on to something that you all could look forward to? If your D is moving away, then a visit to her new location? O/w, maybe a family weekend away? Something fun and positive for when DH is feeling better. We know you as mom really have to keep your game face on.</p>
<p>Legitimate whine – and what a tough few months you (and especially H) have had. I hope his health improves quickly.</p>
<p>I doubt your D will be deeply bothered by her dad not being at graduation – it wasn’t as if he blew it off to go to a baseball game. And I agree with those who have said that the actual ceremonies can be over-rated. I’m not particularly looking forward to D’s next year in a large outdoor stadium with no shade. (Her college and departmental events should be a lot nicer.) Is there someone who might go with you to graduation, or another parent you know at the school – perhaps one of the parents of your daughter’s friends or roommates? </p>
<p>If not, perhaps a spa morning with your daughter during the graduation festivities?</p>
<p>Thanks, everyone, for the kind words. I talked to D this morning. She’s not terribly surprised, but very sad. And on top of the fact that she’s emotional about graduation already, it wasn’t a pretty conversation.</p>
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<p>Yes. This. I’ve held it together so far (well almost ), even through multiple trips to ICU, re-admission to the hospital, all that stuff. But this really gets to me. Even the cancellation of our June trip to Grand Cayman…that can be rescheduled, but not graduation. Now I hope it rains so he can be glad he’s not there.</p>
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<p>And, this. Until yesteray, it was just me and the dog in the house. Nobody really cared if I came home and sobbed; in fact the dog lets me use her as a kleenex. But now S is home and I don’t want to freak him out. Game face on.</p>
<p>Attending graduation will be me, S, and my mom, as well as my uncle who is a retired prof at D’s school and has served as her surrogate parent for these 4 years. I’ll let MIL and H work out whether or not she’ll stay home with him, or come along.</p>
<p>Let’s not even get into the whole “OMG I have to drive a uhaul from CT to PA to MD and get D moved into her new apartment, downtown, on the 3rd floor, by myself…” whine. I’ll save that one for another day.</p>
<p>You know what? You can do this. You really can. And you know the rest of your family will take their cues from you. So your mantra going forward is going to be, “This totally sucks, but you know what? It’s not the end of the world.” All the best to your family. Honestly.</p>
<p>Your whole family has earned the right to be bummed out and sad about this. However, don’t let it crowd out the joy. Which your whole family has also earned.</p>
<p>[I’m whispering this next part…] However, to be honest, I have always thought graduation ceremonies are uncomfortable, often frustrating, and sometimes actually kind of miserable. Necessary obligations because of the important milestone thing, but actually something to dread more than look forward to.</p>
<p>If you can do it, arrange a decent sized monitor for the live stream. Maybe there are some relatives or friends who would like to join your H to watch it.</p>
No one can fault you for wanting to share your D’s exciting milestone with her father, your husband! </p>
), even through multiple trips to ICU, re-admission to the hospital, all that stuff. But this really gets to me. Even the cancellation of our June trip to Grand Cayman…that can be rescheduled, but not graduation. 
Now I hope it rains so he can be glad he’s not there.</p>