Need a Kind Soul to Score My SAT Essay:)

Test Preparation
1

<p>There are no guidelines in the book for scoring SAT essays so I would love if someone checked mine out and scored it. I will be using this same basic format (made up short story that relates directly to the topic) for all of my essays so I would love to know if it works. </p>

<p>Topic: In school, is it more important to focus on learning facts, or should the primary goal of education be to ensure that students develop open minds? </p>

<pre><code> Educational reformer Gloria Cinquentez had oft complained that schools are too focused on teaching facts rather than enriching students and opening their minds. Her autobiography, The 5 People You Meet in Detention, narrates her primary school years and best exemplifies why schools should focus on enriching children instead of teaching basic facts.

In her autobiography, Gloria explains that her parents were hardworking immigrants who believed that school was for memorizing dates and names. They pushed Gloria to her hardest. Gloria said that most her nights were spent memorizing flashcards of US presidents and state capitols. But Gloria explains that she, and most her peers, got bored very quickly. They bgan to hate school and think it was boring because they were not engaged in learning. Gloria began to dread tests because they would require more hours of tedious study.

But Gloria said that her outlook changed after a 4th grade history teacher came into her life. The teacher, Ms Owens, was unique because instead of making children memorize basic facts, she opened their eyes to history. Ms Owens had her students put on history plays and open the children’s minds to the history around them. Not only were the students not bored, Gloria explained, but they also seemed to remember facts and ideas after the test had passes. While meaningless facts seemed to go in one ear and out the other, experiences stay with the students and are far more meaningful.

All throughout her education, Gloria sough out ways to open her mind through meaningful experiences academically. Whether it was proving a therom worked in math or performing a Shakespearean play, Gloria no longer got bored in school. She found that if a class opened her mind to something new, she would be interested and her grades would go up. Having children engage in activities that would broaden their views of the subject would not only increase enjoyment, but would also improve academic performance.

Throughout her autobiography, Gloria promoted opening children’s minds to new experiences rather than teaching them basic facts, as a goal of education. Her experiences and studies show that not only do meaningful experiences increase interest in a subject they also improve academic performance. This is simply because students who have learned to open their minds retain the information much longer than those who simply cram basic facts.
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<p>FIN </p>

<p>All spelling and grammar mistakes are intact. Can someone please score this out of 12? thank you :)</p>

2

<p>I don’t know why but I don’t feel like this is what the SAT wants you to do when you are given a prompt like this and told to write an essay about this using examples from literature… After reading this essay, I felt as if this was just a sort of biography of Gloria and thus, I didn’t think this essay addressed the prompt in yeh way it should have. This is like you used one example to prove your point at the very end. There was no clear thesis until the last sentence in the conclusion. I kept on thinking that this was all about Gloria’s experience with school and nothing else. Next time, you need to state your thesis clearly at the beginning and use examples to support your thesis. This is basically what the SAT is looking for.</p>

3

<p>I liked the basic conceptual idea of telling a story around your response. I felt like it was not as developed as it should be, but that you could improve that with some practice. I would suggest taking a dozen such prompts, writing the stories/responses to go with them, and working to improve the quality of each. For example, it seems a little sketchy as to what, exactly, “opening your mind” constitutes in this essay. More examples to illustrate what that means, and more development.</p>

<p>But I think the approach has merit.</p>

4

<p>8/12.</p>

<p>I think it’s pretty good. You just have to keep relating it back to the prompt,</p>

<p>This shows…
Therefore…
which meant…</p>

<p>If you do that then I think you’ll get like a 10 at least.</p>

5

<p>I’m with Sylvan on this. A single extended example is a valid way to develop an essay, but in order to be effective, the example must support an in-depth analysis of the idea you are dealing with. In this case, as Sylvan wrote, you need to explain what “opening your mind” and “meaningful experiences” specifically mean, and how they are done. Why do doing a history play or proving a theorem work better than memorizing facts? What other mind opening techniques are there and how do they work? Is there any research to support your contention? Do the memorization advocates disagree? What are their arguments and what are your responses? Does your own experience echo Gloria’s?</p>

<p>SAT readers are looking for a “layered” analysis. Whether you have one example or three, readers want to know that you have thought deeper than one or two ideas into the prompt.</p>

<p>I also agree with Niceboat: 8/12</p>