<p>How should you deal with negative people and a negative environment in general?</p>
<p>My best friend says that I should just ignore negative people, only speak to them when absolutely necessary, and not let negativity keep me from putting my best foot forward. She says that I should ignore gossip/rumors and never confirm or deny anything. </p>
<p>I wonder, however, if her advice could backfire. Do negative people become more obnoxious when they realize that they’re being ignored? Could it make them feel bad? Might being genial with them and reaching out to them in some way be a better option?</p>
<p>What do you think about this? How do you comport yourself in a toxic environment?</p>
<p>If you’re talking about negative co-workers, parents, siblings, a spouse, etc., you can’t ignore them, though you can try to ignore the negativity. Are you talking about people who are never happy themselves, or people who are toxic to others, or people with narcissistic personality disorder? I think your response might be different depending on what kind of negativity you’re dealing with.
Negative people probably feel bad most of the time, hence the negativity. You can’t make them happy, and you don’t have to try.</p>
<p>Negativity can have a bigger impact on some, and you sound like one of them, but I am too so can empathize. If they are casual acquaintances you should move on, slowly decreasing the contact, they probably won’t realize what’s happening. As for family that is a tougher issue. Sounds like it might be social groups though since you are talking about gossip. Again, just try to minimize time with them, there are many positive people out there, they may not be the most popular but make it your goal to find them!</p>
<p>If this is work related, don’t let negative comments start to center on you! Don’t become a target in any way, shape or form. Keep track of what’s being said even if you don’t join in a conversation. Negativity feeds on itself; don’t be in it and don’t be the subject.</p>
<p>If it is someone I can cut out of my life (i.e. a facebook contact or something), I will do so if I start to feel that the relationship is not healthy for me due to negativity. If I can’t avoid the person, I try to minimize engagement or try to find a “happy” topic. It isn’t easy.</p>
<p>There is passive negativity and aggressive negativity. Bowing out works for the passive kind - and you don’t need to stay informed about what is being said because it stems from unhappiness in the person and is usually general in nature. </p>
<p>Aggressive negativity looks for a target and if you are it, you have to be on your toes to make sure you deflect or correct any improper/incorrect info being spread about you. This type comes from insecurity or jealousy and can be very dangerous for the target.</p>
<p>Define negativity. Are you sure these aren’t well-meaning criticisms that might be of benefit to you? A boss who tells you about problems with your work is not being negative; s/he’s being factual.</p>
<p>If someone is saying negative things to you, and you think perhaps they have your interests in mind, it can help to ask them to ALSO tell you what they think IS working for you. </p>
<p>I pay a coach/trainer to help me with a sport I compete in; while she is very diplomatic, I expect her, every single visit, to tell me about things that need work. That’s not being negative; that’s focusing where I need her to.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to hijack the thread, but this really strikes a chord, so maybe people have advice.</p>
<p>I sit in the same space as a person like that at work. She always says NASTY, horrible things about others (she doesn’t limit it to just certain people either, not that that would be much better). It’s really vicious. She also makes really crude, sexual comments/jokes.</p>
<p>I am really uncomfortable with the sexual humor, although it’s not directed at me personally. I may be even more uncomfortable with her trying to tell me and others (just anyone who sits in the general area) mean things about co-workers. I like people I work with, and it’s really hard to hear. However, her aggressiveness and the fact that she is my mom’s age makes me unsure of how to respond.</p>
<p>How would you handle this situation? No one else really says anything to her either (just laugh it off uncomfortably). I assume it’s because people don’t want to be the ones she starts talking about.</p>
<p>acollegestudent: you need to speak up. Speak to your supervisor. All you need to say is “X makes some terrible jokes. They make me very uncomfortable. Could you please move me to a different space?”</p>
<p>^ agreed. This is not the sort of nastiness you want to confront directly, lest you become the “target du jour.” Anyone whose old enough to be your mother has doubtlessly honed her political skills, so there’s no point in a frontal approach. Speak to your Supervisor (who is doubtless aware of the behavior and is uncomfortable confronting NastyOne). But getting yourself quietly moved out-of-range should be doable.</p>
<p>I’m with newHope and dmd–move yourself out of target range physically and emotionally. No one has confronted her because it won’t change her behavior and they already know that. Hoping you have a sympathetic supervisor who sees things as they are.
If you can’t move–don’t engage–stay neutral, don’t get drawn into any debates, but stay cordial. Don’t talk about her bad behavior with others. And take a lot of deep breaths…
When she makes comments about others, just say ( if it’s true)…“Really…, I really like them. they’ve always been so nice to me!” No debate, just being nice. Nice comments get around the office too! And she knows you aren’t buying into her negativity.</p>
<p>acollegestudent–“the fact that she’s my mom’s age” struck a chord in me. The older you get you’ll realize that people are people and the personality they have has little to do with age. Every parent will say that their kid was “born that way” with certain personality traits. They are right. Some traits are acquired and learned over the years. There are others with which you are born. There are mean young people and mean old people–you need to learn how to handle mean people–and not because she’s your mom’s age.
The trick as you grow up is to treat people you’ve thought of as “elders” as your peers (albeit maybe with more experience) no matter how old they may be in age. Some people will just always be young in heart and you will hopefully learn to enjoy them as friends as well as “old people”…
Hopefully you’ll have the good fortune to have friends MUCH older than you in life that seem like college buddies and will be a great life asset.</p>
<p>One of my coworkers is one of the most negative persons on the planet AND she embellishes. I ignore. I just don’t respond when she is griping. There is no rejoinder that would make a hill of beans difference anyway so why continue it is the way I look at it.</p>