You may want to do an online search for “start talking ohio”, there are resources there about how to talk about drugs.
I have read of studies that show that people who use pot for anxiety actually end up more anxious (especially in non legal states). Will she respond to studies and health information? There is also data about how regular use under age 25 has permanent effects on brain development.
There is also concern that pot can cause psychosis. And the psychosis doesn’t go away if the person stops using.
I think the boyfriend sounds like a loser and bad influence. she needs time away from him.
I wouldn’t bother with his mother right now, that may cause your daughter to lean more towards BF and family and resent you. (that may be the “fun” house)
I would (if possible) have your ex talk to her about how drugs ruined his life etc.
I would have daily OPEN dialogue with her about what is going on. don’t lecture …have her open up to you. Maybe in a different setting. Go for a walk, the park, etc.
Do you have a hobby you enjoy together? Now we are stuck in with school being closed…favorite board games or things to do when she was younger.
Try connecting with her…so she will feel comfortable to confide. She is too old to punish…so at that age a different approach is needed.
Good Luck!!
“but she did say that she thought what she did or didn’t do was none of my business as she is 19.”
This is where I’ve had conversations with my kids. I’ve let my children know that I love them and I will always be there for them. Their adult decisions, whether I agree with them or not will not change that.
They absolutely get to make these choices as adults. However, they don’t get to pick and choose which aspects of adulthood they are willing to embrace. Sit down with her and show her your bills. Tell her which bills she will be responsible for. Let her know that she will be responsible for paying for her own tuition and living expenses. Explain that you are not doing this because you disapprove of her choices but because, as she stated, she is in fact an adult.
It’s my understanding that at least recreational pot remains illegal under federal law. The Obama Administration chose not to have the Attorney General go after those states which have legalized it, and I don’t think the Trump Administration has changed anything in that regard either, so the feds have turned a blind eye; that may not go on forever. At one point the banks in Colorado couldnt process the cash from the legal pot dealers because it would violate federal law to do so. Im not sure if that has changed. But in my mind, pot use is still a violation of federal law, and that’s a big deal. You have reason to be concerned, and in my mind. the right to cut off all financial support, educational and personal. You don’t want to send the wrong signal by having her think you tacitly approve of her present choices. I represented a client years ago who had been a longtime pot user. It was clear to me his cognitive abilities were diminished by early middle age as a result. It’s a big deal.
The evidence that cannabinoids are an effective treatment for any mental health disorder is very weak.
Then, there’s evidence marijuana can lead to depression, suicidal ideation, and suicidal attempts.
And there’s ample evidence that benzos are highly addictive and dangerous.
https://www.semel.ucla.edu/dual-diagnosis-program/Conditions_Treated/Benzodiazepine_Addictions
There are no states where recreational marijuana is legal for those under 21. It’s regulated like alcohol. Some states allow medical mj for those over 18, and even fewer allow it for minors.
If your daughter wants pot for medical purposes, she should get a prescription.
Recreational is not legal under federal law.
So when the kids where in high school and younger I used to put articles on their bed from the internet about drugs and reactions to your body. Actual Illinois current laws about certain things so they could see the consequences for themselves. Then I knew they read it when I passed one of their rooms and heard my daughter say “, we shouldn’t be doing x because. Xxxx…”. That is when I knew it got through to them. I would also ask “do you have any questions” “and then I would do a 20 second review and a” just so you know "…
Don’t know what your daughter’s history in high-school was either but there is a much bigger problem here that has not been addressed…
Your Ex is /was /will always be an addict. This is your angle. She will have those tendencies. Research children of Addicts. She will be attracted to people that use…
My friends husband was an addict to pain meds after an injury then alcohol. His seemingly “normal”, daughter is now a meth addict dropping out of college etc etc. There were issues in high school that were just brushed off. I can go on but it gets worse…
Get facts on this subject. Then explain to her your concerns with facts. Then this summer or sooner talk to a counselor on campus if need be. This has nothing to do with her smoking pot. This has everything to do with that she is a daughter of an addict. Genetics plays into this.
https://www.crchealth.com/drug-addiction-rehab/hereditary-addiction/
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
https://twinlakesop.com/personality-traits-children-addicts/
Good luck.
Why are benzos part of this discussion? It’s a false choice to claim she can either use marijuana, which hasn’t been proven effective for anxiety treatment, or use benzos, which are no longer considered a first line treatment.
I might keep in mind that there is a difference between use and abuse.