<p>Lately I feel really stressed out due to some family circumstances. Of course, the economic worries and growing children keep many parents on their toes these days, so it makes it even more difficult to handle additional stress. There are days when I feel that my head is ready to explode with concern. Several friends suggested psychotherapy and I started researching my options. Although I always try to be open-minded, once I met a therapist in my social circles and I admit that he was a bit strange to say the least. Nevertheless, I was ready to put my worries aside and schedule the first appointment when I read the above article and now I feel even more concerned. I would not mind spending money for therapy during better times, but now everyones trying to cut discretional spending. Although my stress level is high, I believe that its not extraordinary, so this makes me feel even guiltier to spend money out of our family budget, especially if it turns out to be a total waste. Does anyone have any experience with therapists? Have you ever experienced the problems described in this article? More importantly, did it help?</p>
<p>I’ve always heard that the majority of people who go into psychology do so because they themselves have unresolved issues of their own. In my own anecdotal experience, I’ve found this to be true. I have several friends who are psychologists (and a cousin too), and each of them has some pretty major problems. I’ve always wondered how they can help others when they are so impaired themselves? I do understand that sometimes people need the help of another person to get through a difficult time. I think you will probably just have to be very patient and pick the right person (not all mental health professionals can be impaired, can they?). I’m sure a good therapist is worth it, but you really don’t want to waste your money, especially in these times.</p>
<p>“Getting to think of it, what is a good way to find a good therapist? And how would I know that he/she is good?”</p>
<p>I’ve had three friends who have used therapists, but only one of them has been happy with the results. She had to change therapists a few times before finding the right one. You have to make sure that you share similar values. It can be a long process, which is frustrating.</p>
<p>There’s been a revolution in the world of psychotherapy that has largely escaped public attention. Over the past decade or so we’ve finally developed evidence-based psychotherapies that have been shown to be EFFECTIVE in addressing a broad range of clinical conditions. Most (but not all) of these are so-called cognitive behavioral therapies, which engage the client in challenging ways of thinking and/or perceptions that contribute to their distress. In a relatively short (12-20) course of therapy clients often report significant and lasting improvement. Of course the majority of therapist in current practice have been trained in older psychodynamic models which emphasize empathy and support but have not been shown to be effective–so the client remains in limbo for years, increasingly dependent on a therapist for emotional support but unable to move forward in addressing the problem that brought them into therapy. Therapists trained in CBT are worth looking for (and of course not all of them are good!) Don’t be afraid of “interviewing” a potential therapist, asking then about their training and what kind of treatment plan they would have for your condition/issues. Good luck!</p>
<p>3trees, thanks very much for your very eloquent and insightful answer. Did I understand you correctly that any psycotherapist who did not receive CBT training is not likely to help their clients? I definitely wouldnt want to spend time and money for becoming increasingly dependent on a therapist for emotional support; this seems to add to the problem rather then resolving it. Also, do the old-school therapists recognize that their method does not work? Its hard to imagine that they would continue seeing their clients for years without any improvement and it is also unethical on their part to continue charging and misleading their patients.</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone can/should pass judgment on the skills/effectiveness of a particular therapist (except perhaps his/her clients!)–that’s a hugely subjective matter. What I can tell you is that certain types of THERAPY have been shown to be effective (or not) in randomized clinical trials. A therapist who has been trained in one of these therapies can still be a stinker (and conversely a therapist who hasn’t can be wonderfully skilled and effective). But given how hard it can be to assess whether a particular therapist is a “good match” it’s worth asking about their approach at the outset, I think.</p>
<p>A friend of mine who has gone to many kinds of therapy told me that the most effective one was also the craziest, absolutely inept in his own life.</p>
<p>bela, I agree with that. My mother is a psychologist and she is fantastic with troubled teens. She takes kids that everyone has given up on and helps them turn their lives around. I cannot tell you how proud I am of her. Yet my mother and I do not have a good relationship. In fact, she disowned me. It’s two differen things and I would hate for a teen to be kept out of my mother’s practice because the parents heard about our family situation. We live over 2000 miles apart, so that doesn’t come up and I’m glad for that. </p>
<p>I’ve had to try/fire 2-3 therapists for every one good one I’ve found to work with. It’s just the nature of the field. There are a lot of walking wounded. </p>
<p>I also agree that, in most cases, cognitive behavior is the most effect (& I’m not saying that because that’s my mother the psychologist field.)</p>
<p>Have you tried other methods of stress redution such as yoga or meditation? Often times I see classes at the local Y or community center for classes that are inexpensive. </p>
<p>That’s pretty interesting about your mother. Your post pretty much supports my anecdotal experiences. My cousin (the one who is a therapist) said one of her colleagues keeps bottles of bourbon in her desk and asks for bourbon recommendations from her clients! You’re right that there are a lot of walking wounded.</p>
<p>It CAN be very helpful. However, you know difficult it is to find a good doctor, plumber, handyman, tutor, lawn person, , etc? Well, getting a good therapist that is a good match for you is even more difficult just because of the very nature of therapy. You can ignore personal quirks and personalty faults in a surgeon or other professionals, but with a therapist, it can be a critical factor.</p>
<p>I did not see a therapist until a few years ago. What is particularly helpful about the sessions I have with a therapist is that I am getting viewpoints and comments from someone who is trained in this area and impartial. My therapist is not trying to butter me up or rile me. When I get input, it is someone who is drawing on education, training, experience which is more than mine in specific areas. Much broader exposure. Also much a lot of experience in resources to deal with problems and the ability to refer me to these resources. </p>
<p>I can get opinions from many friends, but there is not necessarily the confidentiality there, and too much personal. I’ve kept a distance from my therapist to get objective feedback, and though I may not always agree, I feel like I am get valuable perspectives and information that would be difficult for me to get elsewhere.</p>
<p>I’ve been going for some years now, so the advice, references and comments are even more custom tailored to my situation. This is a unique experience to me. To get relatively impartial feedback from a knowledgeable source that now has a lot of confidential history. Since in my particular situation, the “secrets” I have are not life shattering ones, I can be free to say and opine in ways that I would not feel comfortable with friends and even family for fear of hurt feelings. I have found the time valuable.</p>
<p>I really like CBT- it has worked very well for me. My current counselor is a CBT person and she is great. I read the article referenced by the OP and she has never done any of the things mentioned. My husband and I have had other counselors before- non CBT- and although they didn’t do any of the ten worst in the article, there just wasn’t as much of a connection. And the process was a lot slower. Could have been us, however. </p>
<p>I think a key question to ask yourself- and I am not suggesting that you answer here- is what do you expect of the process? Be prepared to discuss that with any therapist you try and see if you and he/she are on the same wavelength.</p>
<p>My D and I like her therapist. But we went through 2 before she found one she liked. To me the most important thing I would say is that no therapist can help a person who doesnt want to change. My D hads many stress issues. It is getting better.</p>
<p>Thanks to all of you for the responses, this is very helpful. It seems to be the consensus here that the therapists are often inept or weird. Oh my, this is reassuring. I don’t think I am qualified to give bourbon recommendations, but perhaps I could solicit them from a therapist to make sure that we become a “good match”. Seriously, it would be difficult for me to relate to the only therapist I know: at times it seems that he needs therapy himself, he has absolutely no patience and he constantly find faults in everyone but himself, I think it’s called projection. </p>
<p>I also received several very helpful PMs and each one mentioned some really weird experiences with their therapists, as well as some positive ones. The shocking discovery is that many therapists do have many habits described in the article I quoted. Here is one example I received via PM:</p>
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<p>There are other examples that sound even more disturbing. So, I am very glad that I posted this question, at least now I know that my fears are founded and I have to be very careful. But, as I said, there are some positive experiences as well, and importantly people do get help; it just seems to be the matter of trying.</p>
<p>I’m a therapist and I know many, many therapists. The 12 bad habits article was shocking in the sense that I couldn’t even imagine any therapist I know actually doing those things. Anyhow, I know many completely sane and wonderful people who are therapists (and a few wacky folks in the field as well). CBT is not the only effective therapy but it has been shown to be very effective for certain things. I’m not going to launch into an essay on treatment modalities but if CBT is what you want, you should ask prospective therapists if they are experienced with it. Here is my suggestion. There are many websites now that have referral lists of therapist by geography. Psychology Today has a nation-wide one and there are others (just search keywords like “find a therapist”). If your state has a professional organization, their website might have a referral list. On many of these sites (the one I mentioned is one), the therapist lists a lot of information – education, training, areas of specialty, theoretical orientations, fees, insurance plans accepted, etc. as well as sometimes writing a description of how they work. This can be helpful for someone trying to find a good match. Word of mouth is, of course, a great way to find a therapist. Physicians and clergy are good referral sources and usually have had feedback on the people they refer to. Once you’ve narrowed down your list to a few potential therapists, call them. What is your impression from their outgoing message? Many therapists now have websites that you can check out that are very comprehensive. Most therapists will spend some time on the phone with a potential client to see if it’s a good match – some will even spend 20-30 minutes in person at no charge. I always tell people that therapy is a relationship and, as such, they should feel comfortable with the person they see. If you don’t feel comfortable on the phone, that’s not the right person for you. I also like the phone contact because it allows me to get a sense as to whether I am the right therapist for that person or if their issues are not what I’m most comfortable working with. Questions to ask are: how long have you been in practice, do you take insurance or have any reduced rates (if money is an issue), do you work with my specific issues, do you do short-term work or long-term work, what are your hours and what is your availability by phone, do you think you can help me? Ask what they specialize in. Some therapists have very specialized niches – you may or may not want that. Anyhow, hope that helps. And remember, therapy is not a marriage – if you decide after a session or two that it’s not a good fit, find someone else.</p>
<p>After reading the op and the link provided and subsequent posts, I now have a much better understanding as to how difficult it must be to find a competent therapist. I understand needing to find a good personality fit, but what I’ve read on this thread has been a real eye opener. </p>
<p>Wishing you the best of luck, TravelAddict. I hope that you’re able to find some relief using the stress reducing techniques that were recommended. Also, the questions to ask the therapist should help you with the pre-screening process. I suppose you better add number 13 to the list of Most Annoying Habits - “Keeps bottle of bourbon in his/her desk.”</p>
<p>I hope nobody minds, but cognitive therapy relates to Aaron Tim Beck’s work, and behavioral therapy involves a different skill set ( e.g. exposure TX). Dialectical therapy incorporates much of Beck’s work, but spells out steps in dealing with presenting problems in more detail. The best therapists incorporate theory and techniques that best fit the problem. PhDs are required to earn 20 CEU credits per year (may vary by state) which helps to keep up to date in field. 3Trees’ post, esp the last few lines about what to ask a T in initial phone call, is perfect.</p>
<p>You can a lot about a therapist’s interest by looking at book shelves.</p>
<p>How long have you been a therapist? There was no one you went to school with who you thought needed to be a patient rather than a therapist? When my mother was working on her doctorate I was in my early 20s and some of her classmates that I met did not give me a lot of confidence in the future of the profession. My friends who are psychiatrists and psychologists agree that one of the downsides of their profession is too often their unwell peers. </p>
<p>Also, how would you know what they are like in session? Some of the absolutely craziest therapists I’ve had had very professionl offices and demeanors until they would do something totally inappropriate in session. Like the therapist I was seeing for an eating disorder who started slipping in dieting tips that have worked for her. Or the marriage counselor we were seeing who went off on a diatribe against his ex-wife. Both came with glowing recommendations from other professionals in the field and those who gave the referrals were absolutely dismayed to hear what happened.</p>
<p>Pugmadkate, I’ve been licensed and in private practice for 17 years. I spent a number of years before that working under supervision (my state has some of the strictest licensing requirements.) No, when I was in school, no one told me they thought I needed to be a patient rather than a therapist BUT any therapist worth their salt, in my opinion, has been through therapy. I personally would not see a therapist who had not been in therapy. My state feels strongly enough about it that they triple credit for hours (up to a certain number) for the required hours of experience before one can sit for the licensing exam. Any good program will also urge students to get their own therapy and I will reduce the fee for a student or intern who is seeking therapy because I think it’s that important for someone entering this field. </p>
<p>How do I know what other therapists are like in session? I’ve participated in a lot of peer consultation groups with therapists over the years and you get a very good sense of how someone works when you discuss cases, etc. I am quite certain if I asked most of the therapists in my circle if they bring a pet to work or eat in session or some of the other things on that list, they would answer no. Are there bad therapists out there? Of course. It’s no different than any other field. But there are also a lot of good ones. And, sadly, I’m sure there are people who are good therapists and terrible parents and/or family members. Just like there are wonderful cardiologists who are severely overweight, smoke, etc.</p>
<p>What I asked is if there was anyone in your class who you thought needed counseling a lot more than they needed to become a counselor. I realize that good therapists seek therapy and, if nothing else, have professional peers they check in with. </p>
<p>I’m quite certain that if I asked therapists if they do any of those things, they’d say no. I’m equally certain that a number of them would be would be lying, perhaps to themselves as much as to me. In fact, I find it rather surprising that you would take them all on their word. Do you also believe that when people self-report in other areas of their lives that they are either honest or self-aware enough to accurately provide a full report?</p>
<p>I completely disagree that it’s “no different than any other field” in terms of the percentage of practitioners who should not be in practice. The key difference is that therapists practice in private. What they report to their supervisors or therapist is only their perception of self. Nor do I believe that observed sessions are truly like private sessions. Unless we’re going to go with the idea that therapists have the super-human ability to not be aware of observation along with flawless self-reporting.</p>
<p>I know there are truly professionl people in the field who do a wonderful job. It is no exageration to say that I owe my very life to the work of several very talented mental health professionals. I also know that it’s a field that has far more of its share of the walking wounded. I mean, really, you are the first person I’ve ever met in any profession who can claim nearly two decades in that field and yet would be shocked to find out that some of their co-workers are less than professional in private than they are in observed settings. </p>
<p>This issue is important to me because for years I believed that it was like other fields, that most liscenced practitioners were pretty good. I spent more money and wasted more time with people who were terrible at their job but I learned that only in hindsight. Now I know. I find it incredibly frustrating to find new mental health professionals when we move due to the lack of professionalism. It should not be that way.</p>