<p>The roommate is very capable of taking what she wants which is room time with the bf, if she can do that, the ops daughter can and should ask for room time without the bf. </p>
<p>What’s sad is the nice people are too afraid to make waves, and then get mad when they get walked all over. At some point you need to step up and not confront but at least have the conversation.</p>
<p>Wow! Thanks for the great advice everyone! DD will have another roommate for sure next year and will definitely set ground rules beforehand. As some of your advice mentioned, everyone is different in dealing with conflicts. Yes indeed, this is one of the trials my dd has to learn to deal with as a freshmen at college now. Her roommate is the only child at home, so this might be a factor of her lack of sensitiveness to the situation. They all are academic outstanding, smart students, but somehow just don’t have the common sense. Yes, this is part of their college learning process!</p>
<p>I’m still confused why you think the RM is the issue here?</p>
<p>At the risk of flaming up the discussion, I agree that “only child” roommates can be challenging. They are not used to having to share their stuff at home or having to compromise with siblings. I had several in college and it wasn’t easy, even though we were (and are still) good friends.</p>
<p>I have an only child, and he has had no problem with roommates, starting with the summer after 7th grade. You are simply stereotyping.</p>
<p>Consolation, I was an only child for 10 years. There are exceptions, of course, to stereotypes - LOTS of them. But there are also REASONS for stereotypes too. Lots of only children struggle with things like sharing space with others and sharing their things. A lot of them are just not used to it. Never was a big issue for me, and doesn’t sound like for your child either - but it’s a common problem.</p>
<p>Come on, consolation - don’t you know? Onlies are spoiled, don’t know how to share, and have poor interpersonal skills.</p>
<p>[sarcasm off]</p>
<p>Signed, the mother of an only child</p>
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<p>Those with multiple siblings may also be unwilling to share space and things as well. </p>
<p>A couple of roommates some hallmates in college were like that. Interesting thing we found was that those roommates and others with similar issues were either the oldest child or the baby of the family.</p>
<p>Is it possible that oldest children and youngest children ALSO grew accustomed to being ONLY children for a period? I know that was the case with me. I’m 10 years older than my brother. I never really had a problem with sharing, but I definitely was an “only child” for 10 years, and didn’t have to share, and was pretty much the center of attention by default. Likewise, our youngest sister was an “only child” at the tail end for 6 years. Birth order is an interesting thing. But yea, there are people from all places within the family that don’t like to/are not accustomed to sharing.</p>
<p>Cromette,</p>
<p>It wasn’t because they spent a lot of time being only children. Most of them had enough siblings so that the gap between oldest and youngest was only a handful of years at most. </p>
<p>In the case of the oldest children…it was being used to being the dominant child…the bossy one if you will of younger siblings and the parents encouraged it or otherwise didn’t do enough to stop it. Parental encouragement of this also depends on culture as older siblings sometimes have quasi-parental authority and responsibilities in the eyes of parents/community. </p>
<p>Hence, the situation with an older friend whose brother acted in the role of being his strict father in '60’s era Hong Kong despite being only 2 years older after their father died and then teen friend was spending far too much time playing basketball at the expense of school. Said friend credits his older brother for turning him around at the age of 16 so he ended up graduating with honors, going off to MIT, and having a decades-long career supporting a nice family. </p>
<p>In the case of the youngest, it was parents and sometimes even older siblings catering to his/her every need.</p>
<p>“Your D is causing her own stress by not talking to her roommate about this. I stand by what I said though, it’s her roommate’s room as well and they need to work out a compromise. From the roommate’s view-this has been allowed for a month now and your D hasn’t said anything to her so I can easily see why the roommate thinks it is ok.”</p>
<p>I agree. Dropping hints = doing nothing. Just have a polite, calm, private conversation with the roommate about establishing some guest rules. If the RM won’t have the conversation, or won’t agree to any kind of compromise, involve the RA. But talk to each other first.</p>
<p>What’s the configuration of this room? Is it just a room, or a suite? Is there a lounge, and where is it? How late does the BF actually stay? Is it the noise, or the distraction of his presence that’s the problem? These are all relevant. It sounds like this is not exactly the “sexile” situation we hear about a lot, but rather more a “visitor hanging out” problem.</p>
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<p>The impression I got was that they were sharing a room. </p>
<p>A dorm situation that is still very typical, especially among underclassmen. At many colleges, suite-style dorms tend to be reserved for upperclassmen, not first or sometimes even second-year students. </p>
<p>If everyone had their own bedroom, issues of sexiling or having a SO over everyday would most likely be a non-issue unless they are accompanied by excess noise…which in some cases may end up disturbing neighbors prompting the RA to step in.</p>
<p>cobrat, I just think it’s better to get the facts before making a lot of assumptions. If RM and BF are watching movies in a common room until 10:00 p.m., that’s a lot different from watching them on the bottom bunk until 3:00 a.m.</p>
<p>small room, beds are side by side about a foot apart. The lounge room is just 2 dorm rooms away. My d’s desk is next to the side of her bed. very disturbing when those two are lying in bed. yup, my d will confront with her RM face to face next week to see how it goes.</p>
<p>I do hope it goes well for your D MITdreamersMOM. Freshman year in College can be difficult enough with all the adjustments, so the added anxiety of roommate issues can be quite frustrating. I understand completely why your D started out treading lightly by dropping hints. I too would be optimistic and hopeful that the problem could be resolved without confrontation. Unfortunately, it is often the case in life that confrontation is necessary.</p>
<p>MITdreamsMOM… I would just suggest that perhaps your kid can try TALKING first, before she moves on to CONFRONTING.</p>
<p>If you don’t even tell someone they are annoying you, is it really their fault if they keep doing the same thing???</p>