We used a lawyer who specialized in estates & trusts (not just a nearby one with a shingle hung out). We also interviewed a few different realtors.
My SisIL appointed a cousin’s partner as the executor. He had been executor of prior estates and is a paralegal and law school grad, as well as physically close to her home, plus got along very well with SisIL and both beneficiaries and estate attorney. He spent over 3 years winding affairs up and making disbursements and did bill the estate. The estate attorney said his bills were reasonable and we felt they were, so approved them to be taken from the estate.
There were a lot of accounts for him to track down and get transferred, as well as some real estate to divide and retitle. It went smoothly from our perspective, but he was very organized and persistent. He kept things organized in a massive spreadsheet.
It IS a lot of work and reasonable to have some compensation for the time it takes, plus travel and other expenses, as long as it isn’t prohibited by the terms of the estate. If it is too much work, you can hire a bank or similar to help, but try to get an estimate of how much you will be charged.
I recall the estate attorney telling me that the executor fee was generally 0.5-1.5%, with most people taking 1%.
The attorney also suggested making periodic distributions as portions of the estate were taken care of. I also paid myself out of the estate for expenses as they occurred
Our executor would just send a periodic email indicating the amount he planned to charge for services for the time period since the prior billing, asking both beneficiaries for approval, which was always promptly given. I think it was more a reflection of the time he was spending than the value of the significant estate, but I’m sure the value of the estate made him more comfortable, knowing that he wasn’t depriving the heirs of their inheritance by getting compensated for his efforts.
The attorney definitely charged by the hour for her time.
HA! 1% would not begin to acknowledge the time spent. The process seems the same regardless of the value of the complete estate.
OMG my DH just finished settling his mom’s estate. Well, its still open but the bulk of the work is done. You definitely need a lawyer. It was SO much work. I did a lot of the paperwork and record keeping because I have a background in accounting and also because it was emotionally easier for me to do.
There were definitely times when the tension between siblings got to be unbearable and the 3 of them had previously always gotten along fine. We never would have predicted there would be any problem or tension, but you don’t know what happens when grief and childhood baggage get stirred up.
Everyone has good info here. I don’t have much to add. I did buy a spiral notebook (very low tech but it worked on many levels) to jot down every time I did something, like talk to the newspaper to cancel subscription, or the pension office or the health insurer etc. It was very useful to be able to go back and see when a particular person said something and I could keep all the reference numbers and phone numbers in this book.
OP, if your father’s military service was meaningful to you or other family members, you could get a flag for the funeral or memorial service, even if you request nothing else of the VA.
http://www.cem.va.gov/burial_benefits/burial_flags.asp
^This. My H and his two siblings have been estranged for the last few years after the struggle to settle his parents estate. Like the above poster, all was congenial between the three until one was named executor and the other two disagreed almost immediately but in different ways, with the decisions being made. I guess the only advice I have is to be as open with your sibling as possible - I like the idea of a google spreadsheet accessible by both of you. I believe the lack of transparency in my H’s family was the match that lit the fires of conflict.
My sister is flying out and back on Saturday to pick up financial papers, make copies, and FedEx them to me. (Her husband works for Southwest, so they fly free and live near a large airport.) The Google Doc that Mansfield suggested is working well so far. I hope this process doesn’t drive any sort of wedge between my sister and me, because she’s pretty much all the family I have left (except for kids and DH’s family). I do plan to be very open and collaborative about everything.
DH is getting recommendations for a local attorney to look at the trust/will and provide advice. My sister had a copy of the will and scanned it for me, but it refers to the trust document in several places, and we haven’t gotten that yet. We are pretty sure the house and the bank accounts are already in the trust and my dad was the trustee until he passed.
@Marian No pets. No guns, I think. My dad was a police officer before he retired, but the only gun he kept (locked up) in the house when I was growing up was a service weapon, not a personal weapon.
To add to this, if you don’t live in the area, interview several realtors. I made the mistake of using someone who came highly recommended by neighbors and she was , well disappointing is kind. She wouldnt give any recommendations for repair people or the like. I had to do it all myself. When I had to find a company to remove and replace the underground oil tank, she again claimed she had no recommendations, and one of the companies I called had done this very same work at her house!! Oh-- and she didnt attend the closing. Which was in HER office! I need a drink.
So if the will needs to be filed, the original is what they want. I feel like it needs to be filed in the county were the person lived… (fuzzy recollection – but the attorney will know). My mom just died, and even though they expect to avoid probate, the will is still being filed with the county. Just saying that if you end up with the original back with you (or your sister), then it may have to travel again. 
I was an out of town (out of state) executor, and it is a hassle to be far away. I ended up going to the house, spending several days sorting paperwork and meeting with the attorneys, then driving back home with a car load of paper (some of which I still have many years later… ). We were able to do property sale closings from a distance, though. Once we got past the initial shuffle, I didn’t have to go back to the county of death except for a couple of court hearings (litigious heirs, not likely a problem for you).
You need to meet with the attorney ASAP – someone might end up having to go back for things after your sister’s visit if you don’t talk to them before she goes. Also, if you dad had a safe deposit box, you will need to get at those contents – but if you aren’t listed on the box, they may not let you unless you have gotten the testamentary letters – and it is possible the trust docs (and other key docs) are there. It is a persnickety, detail oriented, slow process.
Another executor here, almost done at last after almost 2 years in NY, but there were complications.
It’s a good thing that your dad lived in the same state where you live, even if there are many miles between you.
Re number of death certificates: the lawyer who handled probate said 8, and I have 1 left. Perhaps the retired attorney who set up the trust can suggest someone. A good estate attorney can be so helpful! The lawyer who handles my dad’s estate is in a different county but that hasn’t been an issue at all.
I am so sorry for your loss. May the memory of your dad be a blessing!
Yet another executor here, in MI, going on about 4 months. I am very sorry for your loss.
Some really good points made here, not much to add. I personally only needed 1 or 2 death certificates; most places accepted a copy. I needed to make several copies of the Letters of Authority issued by the county probate court as well.
I would highly recommend Google Docs, using multiple sheets according to the nature of the thing dealt with (lawyer fees, assets, debts, etc). I would also recommend memorizing key pieces of information (SS number, dates of birth and death), because I found that people I called regarding bills and such tended to call when I didn’t happen to have my Google Docs in front of me.
Be careful about transferring any bills/mortgage payments. I found it easiest to have direct withdrawal from a bank account created for the estate, and I then combined the bank accounts held prior to death. I would recommend getting checks as well for whatever account is used for the estate’s expenses.
Once again, very sorry for your loss.
My brother was the executor of my parents’ estate. He lived in the same state but he is a contractor working all over the place, has no cell phone, doesn’t email and didn’t have a fax. I live 1500 miles away so got a letter from him saying he authorized me to work on his behalf. Periodically I would send him documents with circles and arrows and post-it note instructions for notarizing or medallion signatures or whatever along with addressed envelopes and he would take it from there. None of the three of us siblings ever exchanged a harsh word or disagreed on anything, which was kind of surprising but a relief. We’ve been working on it since 2012 and it’s almost done.
Just to point out, you can only have a “bank account for the estate” if a request is made for a federal tax for the estate (one of those things the attorney can help with if it is necessary). You may or may not need one.
If you can scan a death certificate and also testementary letters if you get them, having them handy in .pdf form is good for places that will accept a copy – you can just attach it to an email.
One thing my sister and I did was to sit down and say that there was nothing in the estate worth fighting about. When we divided up the household stuff, we took turns and if one of us really wanted something, they got it. We sat with a bottle of wine and went room by room. It made a fairly disturbing task slightly goofy and was actually a healing event.
You are lucky in that it is just one sister (I have 3 sibs and it can get nutty). What was difficult one seemed to be a superfan of antiques roadshow, cash in the attic? And as much as I could, looked into the value of things (as it would need to be split to others) but it got silly. Mentions of museum-quality old cameras had to be countered with ebay research proving they were not valuable beyond emotion. I made a list of principles which actually helped.
@Ynotgo I am so sorry for your loss. My dad passed away 2 weeks ago. He was also a Korean War vet. I don’t know if it has been mentioned, but I was able to get a US flag in honor of his service. It was easy. We just needed to provide a copy of his honorable discharge papers to the funeral director and he got the flag for us. We had it on the casket folded (can also be draped.) My dad had many photos of his Korea service, including some of Marilyn Monroe’s visit to the troops. Again, I am in complete sympathy just having gone through the same. I had my first dream about my dad last night that I am aware of and woke up crying. I really miss him.
We got my father’s flag through the funeral director. I didn’t even know my father was eligible for one, but the funeral director did. We just had to fill out some paperwork, and we received the flag (prefolded in the triangle shape and kept clean in a plastic cover). My sister has it, and it’s very important to her. My father also has a military headstone on his grave – something he would have wanted because he was proud of his service. The funeral director suggested that, too, and arranged for it when we said that we wanted it.
People here have been talking about how settling estates can lead to family friction. That’s true, but it can also bring family members together.
My sister and I were co-executors of both our parents’ estates (the last gift from divorced parents is that you have to go through all of this twice). Although neither estate was contested, the work was complicated because each of our parents lived alone, so we had homes and cars to sell (and to take care of – from far away – until they were sold). The two of us also took over as co-executors of an aunt’s estate when our dad, the original executor, died. My sister and I had been sort of cordially distant for many years when we started on the first estate, but the work brought us together. We developed a real respect for each other’s skills and knowledge, and we found that we could work well as a team. And we developed the habit of talking to each other regularly. The estates have long since been settled, but we are friends now in a way that we never were before.
Sorry about your loss
Random thoughts
As to utilities in cold climate: setting thermostat at 55 is good, may consider opening all cabinet doors under sinks so that warm air flows around water pipes.
We hired a company to do random drivebys (check doors, windows, etc), besides looking for signs of break ins, also looking for signs of squatters
Really need attorney, especially as to timely, proper notice to creditors.
I think if a person dies you have to apply for separate tax ID for probate estate/trust
Foremost does insure vacant houses, can be pricey but can try to lower premium by really thinking about personal property in home. For lack of a better way, how much/what’s the value of the “stuff” in house (putting aside sentimental value).