<p>The other thing is, we all “need” the money. There’s always something – a project on the house, those student loans – that $150K could easily go to. It wouldn’t necessarily be spent on Jimmy Choos and diamonds.</p>
<p>Tom1944–and I’m not sure that I would see a problem with that. I guess we’ll see how this all works out.</p>
<p>me either…</p>
<p>
We ran into this when my Dad died. He was separated from my stepmom for 2 years before he died and was in the midst of doing a new will but, between some major health problems and not being sober most of the time, had not completed it. She had bought him out of his share of their house and he had bought one in his own name. He thought (and had told my uncle who was nagging him about completing the new will) that it was fine as the house ‘had nothing to do with her (stepmom’)’ so even with his current will it would go into his residual estate which was left to my brother and I. She thought the same thing. Until the day we went to the lawyer and it turned out his will referred to his share of the house they had owned jointly being hers to use until her death and also ‘any other house I buy’. If it had said ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ it would have been different. That one word! She was shocked as they had mirror wills and the same would have happened if she had died first. She started off saying she wanted ‘to do the right thing’ but that did not last long at all and it became a real mess.</p>
<p>^Sorry to hear about that SCM…makes a person want to update their wills now. My neighbor has been bugging me to do so for the past couple of years (she’s a trusts & estates attorney) and has offered her services free of charge. Uggh, just the hassle of it makes me cringe.</p>
<p>But now with an empty nest, maybe it’s time to go through all of that paperwork, including checking the beneficiaries of H’s life insurance and 401K, etc., and make sure everything is done right.</p>
<p>swimcatsmom, a friend had a similar situation in her family. Her brother had had a very short marriage with a woman, less than six months, but they had never bothered to get the marriage annulled nor had they obtained a divorce. Eight years later, after absolutely no contact with each other, he died suddenly, without a will, and lo and behold, she was entitled to much of his estate. It caused terrible problems, ill will, and stress for his elderly mother with whom he lived, as well as the rest of the family. </p>
<p>It’s difficult to question family members about this kind of thing but it might be worth the discomfort if it can avoid these awful after-the-fact situations that peoples’ negligence presents to the survivors.</p>
<p>And speaking of things to wrap up, legalize your decks and bathrooms before you die - it provides needless distress to your children when they try to sell your house, though it provides me with bread and butter money.</p>
<p>The sad thing is my Dad and stepmom had decided not to actually divorce so that if one of them died the other would be entitled to their company widow/widower pension. So she was left very comfortably off financially. It made it particularly annoying that she went after what she could get out of the house that she knew my dad did not want her to have. And her moaning on about the fact that she would now be in a higher tax bracket because of getting his pension did rub salt in the wounds!!</p>
<p>It made my husband and I stop procrastinating and complete a will. My brother and his wife has not done one yet. They have no kids and she is a lot younger than he is. In the UK (I think) if they were to die together in an accident he is presumed to have died first so all his assets would go to her then all her and his assets would go to her remaining family. She is completely estranged from her family because of abuse so would hate the idea of them getting the money. And I have a friend whose husbands cousin and pregnant wife were killed in an auto accident over here. She outlived him by about 5 minutes. So his assets went to her then all their assets went to her remaining family - a brother she had been estranged from for years. Part of these assets included the cousins share in a family business.</p>
<p>Seriously folks - if you have not made a will make one. And if you have made one some time ago and circumstances have changed at all check the details on your will and any insurances, 401ks etc. (we had been married several years and already had our kids when my husband double checked his 401k, the vast majority of which had been accumulated during our marriage, and realized his ex wife was still on it as the beneficiary. He was sure he had changed it previously but changed it again and we kept copies of the paperwork. We check it every year. If he had died before that I would have been screwed as all our savings were in the 401k).</p>
<p>Just a couple notes to address some earlier posts …</p>
<p>Brother was clean & sober while with fiancee. Obviously, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, but it seemed like they had a good relationship. My brother was transferred to another state & the fiancee had been okay with that … we never discussed the break up, but I suspect she ultimately did not want to move there. My niece does not like her - she did while they were together, but fiancee broke her dad’s heart. My brother was a bit of a romantic. He did not date after the break up.</p>
<p>Fiancee called niece to get brother’s SSN, which insurance company’s 3rd party payer had requested. Niece didn’t want to call her back, so another brother did it. He had a pleasant conversation, so he hopes all will go well. He is a real diplomatic kind of guy, so he will approach things as well as anyone could. We have no intentions of strong-arming her when the idea of the release is broached. However, if it doesn’t work, Plan B isn’t quite as warm & fuzzy. So we hope for Plan A to go well (and yes, brother will entertain the idea of her keeping some money - he just won’t be the one suggesting it).</p>
<p>“Niece didn’t want to call her back”–Yikes! You’re hoping that this lady will lay 150K smackers on you that she isn’t legally obligated to do and you won’t return her phone call? I think it would probably make the path smoother if the niece could make nice with the ex-fiancee. Frankly, there is no good Plan B. I’d make the most of Plan A and would insist the 21 year old do her fair share to help out.</p>
<p>Niece doesn’t know how much money it is. We also don’t feel that niece needs to be involved in the discussion with the fiancee. There is no animosity on my niece’s part toward the fiancee … she just doesn’t like that fiancee dumped her dad. Her world was ripped out from under her when her dad suddenly died. We aren’t going to lay any more c**p on her that doesn’t need to be piled on. She’s been through enough. To the extent that her uncles & aunts can help, we will gladly do so.</p>
<p>I agree - my kids are 20 and 22. I can’t imagine them having to deal with this sort of stuff soon after a parent has died. It is hard enough when you are a lot older.</p>
<p>I disagree. What if the former F doesn’t sign over the $ to niece BECAUSE she thinks it’s rude for the niece to refuse to return the call…and months from now, when it’s too late, niece finds out that $151,000 was at stake? Methinks she might be a tad annoyed at the well-meaning aunts and uncles who didn’t tell her all the facts. </p>
<p>She’s a big girl. Let her make her own choices.</p>
<p>I’m with Jonri.</p>
<p>It sounds like you still need to determine with 100% certainty who the beneficiary is, and that your brother did not complete the change to his daughter. </p>
<p>If ex fiance is legally entitled to 100% of proceeds, I think a 50% split is fair. If she is reluctant, you could threaten legal action (using your brother’s note as proof of intent) but I have my doubts as to how you would do in court, except that I am confident lawyers would take a fair chunk. </p>
<p>Life insurance proceeds are tax free. If the ex-fiance receives the entire proceeds and gives your niece half, she (the ex fiance) may be subject to gift tax.</p>
<p>Just sent an email to my neighborhood lawyer - need to update our wills! Hope the rest of you do to.</p>
<p>Any updates, OP</p>