Need advice regarding daughter’s mental health

Parent Cafe
21

Hugs to you in this difficult situation.

Tread lightly. Speak with love, not demands. Your immediate goal is connection and trust. Demands for immediate action the moment you arrive might backfire.

If you can attend a therapy session with someone in your hometown before you get on a plane, this might help you dial back on your emotions.

When you see your daughter, You want to present yourself as calm, loving, and trustworthy. Meet her where she is, at least initially. If you can document her thoughts and actions in the first 24 hours, you can better understand what she is dealing with. Or at least have real data to present to a therapist or ER personnel.

You dragging her in an ambulance to ER is probably a one shot chance. Do not waste it—be prepared with facts, recorded words and/or video to back up your claims. You do not want her to be able to explain away your concerns, or turn on you and make YOU into the bad guy.

Write out your notes now. All the suspicious and concerning actions and words. Some sane people believe and act according to numbers, astrology, religious beliefs, and that alone may not convince a therapist or judge to commit her.

Find out laws/rules of non-voluntary commital in the state/county/city your daughter lives in. NAMI might be able to help you. Knowledge is power. Know what level of Proof you need to take legal action to help your D against her will.

Do communicate with her current therapist immediately. You can tell therapist everything, even if he/she can not respond.

Do you have contact info for the family she nannies for? That part of it is tricky—do you contact with suspicions, risking hurting your Relationship with your D? But not giving them info could potentially put children at risk.

Counselors are trained to ask questions and rate a person’s risk to themselves and others. Not sure if you can research and find this type of info online. But this kind of logical step is the unemotional path you want to use with your D.

It will be difficult, of course, but you need to steel your emotions and work on practical and logical ways to interact and be of help to your D. This is where speaking with your own therapist before you get on a plane is going to prepare you to fight For your D instead of fighting WITH her.

This is going to be hard. But you will not regret getting on that plane and spending time with your child. Gaining an understanding of her condition will help you help her.

22

Does your D have any friends? In her town where she is living, or even old childhood friends?

It would be helpful to learn if any of her friends are interacting with her and if they notice any changes.

Is she on social media?

23

Hugs & wishing you strength & peace of mind @Lassie3

I listened to the book @MaineLonghorn recommended upthread & found it helpful.

I have an older brother with a bipolar dx. Looking back, it emerged late HS or college. Of course, no one knew at the time. We just thought he was a jerk.

Luckily, he eventfully sought treatment and he has had a “team” for many years now.

It’s very difficult to know what to “do” & how to best be supportive.

Hang in there.

24

She used to be very social now isolates herself. Doesn’t get along with roommate. Loss of appetite. Siblings have definitely noticed a change, upset that we haven’t acted on it. Part of it was denial or a thinking it was a phase or actually not knowing what to do. Thank you for all your responses. I’ll definitely order the book listed above.

25

Just got the book out of the library.

26

Any update, @Lassie3?

27

Just a quick update from the OP. I’m on my way home. We met with both the therapist over the weekend and a new psychiatrist today. Both are in agreement that therapy is needed but she is not in a crisis situation. Daughter initially felt happy we came but blindsided that we are worried and think she needs help. Lots of of “I’m okay you have nothing to worry about, I just like to express my emotions,” and “you just don’t understand me, but I love you anyway”.”Seeing these doctors are a waste of time and I don’t need any drugs because that’s what drs do”.It was very helpful that the first thing the psychiatrist said was she just doesn’t give out drugs without knowing the situation.

We are having a phone session with the dr,in a few days, she wants to see daughter weekly, which D thinks is a waste of time. I know this isn’t the end, just the beginning with steps forward and backwards. Daughter had no opposition to signing a form that would make the dr have access to us. I have her roommate’s contact in case we need it. They have a very good relationship and seem to look out for one another.

I’m hoping I’m not glossing over that there will be stumbles and drama and that in any way there is not a long road ahead. I will keep an update going and I have really appreciated all the helpful advice and information you have posted

28

@Lassie3 It’s a marathon not a sprint. Take very good care of you, too.

29

I think your daughter’s response to you - language and signing off on access for you - bodes well for her future and are positive indicators that perhaps things aren’t that bad right now. Glad you took the trip out there.

30

That sounds promising, @Lassie3. Were you able to share with the doctors some of the comments your DD made to you that were troublesome (the delusional sounding comments)?

31

@Lassie3 that was so kind of you to update us. We do sometimes get invested in these posts and situations but you don’t owe us updates - but if it helps, we are here to help support!

So she didn’t come home correct? Good idea to get roommates contact info. Hugs and good job taking action - support comes in many forms and you did the right thing.

32

Good to hear it’s not as dire as it sounded and this ^^^. If you need a push or opinions or support we are here. This is CC so you know we have opinions ?.

33

I have been thinking of you and am glad to hear your DD gave you permission to speak with the therapist. That’s a great sign that she wants you to feel reassured, isn’t hiding anything, etc. Sounds like
you opened the door to ongoing communication that will only improve your relationship in the long run. Best of luck.