Don’t know where to begin. Daughter went to college 1000 miles from home where she is now, working part time as a nanny waiting for her dream job. It seems as though she is slipping away from reality. The universe is telling her to stay there, she’s believing numbers are predicting her actions etc. She has been seeing a therapist but now says the therapist and also her family don’t “ hear” her. We’ve noticed slight manic/depressive periods but this seems to have ramped up, plus we thought the therapist would’ve reached out if it was dangerous. When we suggested more professional help she hung up on us. We are flying down this weekend. I want to bring her home but what if she won’t go voluntarily? And if she does, what’s the next step in getting help for her? This is such uncharted territory for us, any words of advice would be appreciated.
So sorry! Try The National Alliance On Mental Illness nami.org
My guess is your options may vary -depending on state laws, whether she might need to be under observation.
@MaineLonghorn Any advice for this OP?
I know it’s so hard when she is not a minor and you have no legal standing with regard to her health care. The only experience I have with this is a friend of mine who had a break sophomore year in college. The roommates called her parents, who drove right up there in the middle of the night, put her in the car, and drove her straight to a psych hospital near their home. She stayed in the hospital for about a month until she had a diagnosis and the right meds.
Try to get her to agree to sign a power of attorney over to you ASAP.
So sorry you are enduring this. Agree that its tough when they are chronological adults but are struggling and need the help of supportive parents. Assess the situation when you see her and if she is as fragile as you describe, hopefully she will go willingly with you. Let the administration know you are taking her for an emergency LOA and get her withdrawn from classes. If need be, Depending on the state the school is located, there are differing laws for emergency MH evaluations. If need be, take her to the nearest ER and have her evaluated. If she needs involuntary hospitalization they can take it from there.
She is actively nannying now? If that is remotely possible you need to let the family know.
Do you know the therapist’s name/contact info? Have you ever spoken to them before? She probably will have to have signed a consent of some kind for the therapist to talk to you so it would be good to find out if she did that. Good luck, this sounds so tough and I’m sorry I don’t have more concrete advice.
She graduated last year so no longer in school Yes we have talked to the therapist before with her present. Will try to reach out again, don’t know if daughter will give permission.
If the therapist has a valid ROI on file, they can talk to you.
Stress will often make the situation worse. You should try to be as calm and supportive as you can.
I am not sure that your daughter’s therapist is even allowed to reach out to you if she is 18 or over, unless she signs a waver. I remember vividly the first time that we arrived at our daughter’s dorm when she was over 18, and they would not confirm whether or not anyone by that name even lived there. Fortunately she did answer her cell phone.
This sounds very tough. Best wishes and I am hoping things turn out well for you and your daughter.
My understanding (and I’m sure someone will correct me if I am wrong) is you can always contact the therapist and supply her with what you are seeing, hearing, witnessing, and express your concerns. The therapist can’t really supply you with info but you can reach out on your end. Not ideal but might clue the therapist into behavior he/she might not be seeing.
Sending you a virtual hug, @Lassie3. <3 <3 <3
There can be a delicate cakewalk between confidentiality and, for lack of a better word, the best interests of the patient. Could tell lots and lots of examples on both sides of this issue. Its common fodder for ethics CEU’s.
It wouldn’t be uncommon for some therapists to not acknowledge if someone is or isn’t a patient (though in your case you’ve already met with the therapist so this is a non issue), or to have you leave the information in a secure voicemail so they aren’t in a position of risking violating confidentiality. Some families choose to email the therapist (though frequently email is not encrypted and not HIPAA compliant).
I agree about considering communicating with the family she is babysitting for, though you risk sabotaging your relationship with your daughter. Assuming there is no substance abuse going on, it does sound like some delusional/psychotic thinking. Our next door neighbors had a babysitter they hired off of care.com who had a psychotic break in their house, and I came home to fire trucks and ambulances in front of our houses. Not a good position to be in! Unsafe for the sitter and the child.
Kudos for going to see her this weekend. Seeing her in person is a good first step.
Does she have a formal diagnosis? Could she be a harm to herself and others? If no and she wants to stay where she is, try to start by finding middle ground. Make a contract that she sees a psychiatrist, checks in with you a set number of times/week, etc…
I would approach this with her out of a place of love and concern, without a preconceived agenda of bringing her home.
If she is over 21, you won’t be able to bring her home involuntarily unless you get legal guardianship/conservator status which would mean you would have to prove she is incapable of making her own decisions. I’m sure someone more legally knowledgeable will chime in about this.
If she does voluntarily return to your home, that’s a first step in her wanting help. I agree contacting NAMI is a good idea.
See if she’s willing to do a therapy session with one or both of you, and have her discuss with her therapist. It might be beneficial for both her and you to talk in a guided atmosphere that feels safe for her.
I think you are right to go to her immediately. Maybe she can stay with you at your hotel for a break and you can observe. Ask if you can attend a session with her therapist to share your concerns. Otherwise call the therapist and report your observations. A trip to the hospital is warranted if she seems a danger to herself or untethered to reality. A 911 call might be required if your daughter is not willing.
When our D first starting having issues Freshman year, we had a call with her therapist. Without mentioning any specifics and speaking only in vague generalities, eg “sometimes parents” and “oftentimes students” (the kind of vague, general advice you get on this forum, for example).
But she repeated the same vague general advice several times, making sure we heard it and thereby delivered a really strong, serious sense of urgency. Basically told us to get our butts out there and pull our daughter out. W got on a plane the next day and once we got D home we realized how serious the problem was. We’ll always be eternally grateful for that therapist.
I’m sorry you are dealing with this, but I’m glad you’re going to see your DD in person. Hopefully she will be receptive to accepting help and hopefully involving her therapist. If the therapist has your contact information, which is sounds like he/she might, you probably wouldn’t hear from him/her unless there were clear concerns where confidentiality could be broken - risk of harm to herself or someone else. And who knows if your DD has shared some of her irrational thinking with the therapist. I would try to contact the therapist because you can definitely share your concerns (give details), although she may not be able to share what is discussed in treatment.
Hopefully connecting with the therapist will get you somewhere and will hopefully be helpful in getting your daughter to agree to come home and get further treatment. If you do find there is any risk of harm to herself/someone else, you can try to get her assessed at a local hospital there. There are ways they can admit her to stabilize the crisis, even if she doesn’t agree - if it comes to that. But it’s best to try to get her on board with the decision. Good luck - this is so incredibly hard when someone may not be open to further help.
@Lassie3, I urge you to go online NOW and order the book, “I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help!” If you can order it overnight, do it. If you approach your daughter without the proper strategy and technique, you risk pushing her away further. This book is the gold standard for helping people with mental illness who don’t think they’re sick (that applies to about 50% of people, by the way).
https://www.amazon.com/Not-Sick-Dont-Need-Help/dp/0967718929
That’s the only advice I would give you at this point. When you can, you should also sign up for your state NAMI’s course called Family to Family. It’s an 8-week class that’s free, for family members of people with mental illness. You will learn about resources, communication strategies, problem-solving techniques, crisis prevention and planning. It helped me so much in 2011 that I volunteered to become a teacher and am now conducting my fourth session.
In summary, you can’t do this by yourself - you need help. Help IS available but you have to look for it. Lots of hugs! It’s tough - my son has been in the hospital for two weeks now. 
Do what her doctors suggest but if they agree, try taking her on a vacation somewhere, it may help y’all to get to understand each other in a neutral and relaxing environment.
It’s more likely for her to let you in her trust sphere at a neutral place than in her current town or your home town where she’ll be in defensive mode because it’s implied that you may force her to make productive changes and take decisions.
So we are not getting the whole picture here. It’s personal of course but would be better to know how long this has been going on. Also since you have talked to the therapist whats her actual diagnosis is. Is she medicated? Is she taking her meds? You have every right to call the therapist today and express your concern. If your daughter goes to see the therapist on a regular schedule it might be helpful for the therapist to talk to her about you coming in. Maybe have the therapist bring up the idea that you come to a session and have her sign a consent form so you can get more information about your daughter. Is your daughter doing any type of drugs?
Have your next steps planned out in your head. What will you do “if” she comes home? What will you do “if” she doesn’t? This way your just not reacting, which will be challenging not to do.
Not the same but back in the day my sister got in the wrong crowd with drugs. Me and my dad just went to the house she was at. Pulled her out and told anyone there to call the police if they have any concerns. With what was going on there trust me no one would of. She still thanks me 40 years later…
Also again really make sure it’s not drugs. My good friend is going through this for years with her daughter. It’s very painful to hear about.
Good Luck. BTW - hopefully you have the time to stay there if needed.