Need an objective critique on my common app essay!

<p>I just finished it today and I am very very shy and self-conscious about it, so I'm reluctant to show it to my friends and family. I figured I could get an objective perspective from someone who's not afraid to critique honestly. It's not my final draft by any means but I'd love some feedback! </p>

<p>so lemme know and i'll PM it to ya</p>

<p>I'll read and try to be gentle :]</p>

<p>Sure, I'll critique :)
Just pm me it</p>

<p>Done :) thank you so much :D</p>

<p>I'll read it for you :)</p>

<p>I can read it :)</p>