DS is smart, passionate about learning, and keen on the social sciences (anthropology, history, linguistics). He’s not a conformist, and tends to disregard hoops. He loves learning, and talking about the learning, but rote regurgitation of said learning makes him knock the fence.
Can I get some bossy parent advice about which of these colleges might be the best fit for him? Bard, Hampshire, RIT, and Ithaca College. We are waiting on a few others (waitlisted at University of Rochester, SUNY Binghampton, and - all digits crossed - Cornell).
We homeschooled the last two years of high school. I have a terminal illness, and he wanted the time with me. ACT 33, SAT 1480, SAT II Math 2 800, SAT II World History 800.
Please feel free to be vehement, opinionated, and biased. I need that. I’ve got far too many meds in my system to achieve clarity. Oh - he gets to have some input too, right? The U of R waitlist gutted him. He loved the place.
Alrightee - I’m sending this off into the void now.
What does HE think? He is the one who will be attending college…and presumably he applied to these schools because he felt they would meet his needs.
I would,let him choose from the schools where he is admitted. Really…at the end of the day…his optinion ismwhat matters because he is the one who will be attending the college.
We’re homeschoolers too. Finding the right fit is important. Has your son visited any of the colleges? That can help. My son found it helpful to create mock schedules to see how many courses he might like to take. He ended up at one of the SUNYs because he can cross register at a couple of local private schools and there are, among them, more classes that he’d like to take than he can fit into 4 years.
^^ I agree with the above posters, but you asked for bossy, so here’s an opinion. If he loved Rochester … let him make it clear to them that it’s his no. 1 choice. He should write a letter, send new scores, whatever, in hopes of getting to the place his heart leads.
Second … for a nonconforming soul, I can speak for Hampshire. A young relative of mine is going there a year from now after a gap year. It satisfied a lot of “love for learning” and “need for self-direction” wishes.
Third … Cornell might not be the best fit. I’m speaking from secondhand knowledge. But it’s a place where there’s a great deal of pressure and competiion. And it’s huge. Harder to find one’s own tribe.
Fourth … my best wishes for the rest of your time on this earth. How sad that you must make these plans that you’ll never see the end of. My heart goes out to you. Blessings on your son.
You must be so proud of your son!
Part of building his independence will be letting him select his college. You gave him all the love and support that got him to where he is today. That strong foundation, and the love that built it, is part of who he is and will be with him always. He will need to build on it now.
Hampshire is great for the nonconformist, but is such a unique school I would strongly encourage an extended visit (sit in on class, overnight or lunch with students, meet a professor or two) before signing on to make sure it really fits.
I would second @austinmshauri’s advice to look at course offerings. My college freshman is signing up for sophomore classes now and her college’s catalog may as well be a candy store it all looks so good to her!
I second the contact URochester and see what their waitlist means – is it to quiet discontented people and hope they go away, or is there a legit chance he would get in? what’s the timeline for that?
Also agree with Cornell as not a good match for what you are describing in your son. Ithaca is right there, and much more free-spirited and might be worth a visit. It’s also smaller, obviously, but then again does Cornell just overwhelm the whole town? My son got in to the Park school but just felt the campus was second fiddle to Cornell. He also got into RIT but it seemed weirdly competitive and nerdy conformist in it’s own way. (I loved it, but what do I know)
Hampshire should be visited, if possible. Visiting is so different when your student knows they could go there, as opposed to it being only in theory. Your job right now is to keep talking and asking questions — and that will help him narrow down. If there’s even one or two you can completely eliminate, that helps!
I would choose the college with the best academics combined with the most welcoming & supportive environment. And I would write a “continued letter of interest” to URochester (I like how they describe that letter here https://www.■■■■■■■■■■■■/newsletter/the-college-waitlist/)
@tocina Yourson sounds like a wonderful young man, how wonderful. Like @AroundHere said, Hampshire is so…idiosyncratic, that your son really should visit because it’s not for everyone (not even all “free thinkers.”) But I’d like to address another point.
Because you are terminally ill – and this has naturally been extremely trying and emotional for your family – perhaps whichever school he’s gotten into, that is easiest to get home quickly, would be the best choice. You asked for blunt; he may find it hard to be far away from you. I know I would.
Yes, it’s your son’s choice. But my D had a wonderful experience at Bard, and your description of him sounds like a lot of Bard students. Can you get him to the admitted student days at a couple of his top choices?
I can tell you that classes at Bard are small and personal - maybe 15 students tops. Profs know the students’ names, they interact with them, they encourage quieter ones (like my D) to speak out. The other students will be engaged in the topic; this isn’t a place where there are one or two kids who are really into the subject and who dominate discussion. I think Bard is a haven for someone who is self-motivated and intellectual in the deepest sense of the word. It’s also possible to skim along on the surface, not as much as you can in some other places, but it can be done. You get out of it what you put in (but as a homeschooler you know that!).
Hampshire can also work for a lot of people, but as others have said, you should visit. I have a cousin there who loves it and is doing well, but it’s not for everyone. Ithaca is a great school, but appeals to mainstream bourgeoisie. Can’t speak directly to the other schools but all of these are good choices, and I’m sure he will find a group of like-minded people wherever he goes.
I read your original post and thought to myself, she’s asking for it! But I do have a suggestion. My son considered Bard - was accepted, visited twice. The downside is that there is little sense of community. Too many students live off campus and off campus at Bard is several miles away. To my son, that was a significant negative. it’s also hard to get to, so if he wants to travel home every so often, it will take some time. On the other hand, it would be a great fi for a strong student who is particularly strong with verbal skills.
My first thoughts were also Bard or Hampshire. (If only any of us could peg what we’re really thinking, when we say, “idiosyncratic.”)
Be aware that even a very non-conformist school can be conformist, in its own ways, when there’s, well, some pressure to be as open and free form as everyone else.
I went to a college, ages ago, that reveled in students who loved “learning, and talking about the learning,” with far less emphasis on “rote regurgitation.” But it’s a school many would never think to characterize that way. Never. And not on your list. Point being, with encouragement of profs, you can find this chance to build thinking (and critical thinking) at many colleges, usually small, somewhat liberal, with as much, if not more, focus on the journey as the future careers.
I’d try to learn more about profs, their interests, as well as courses, as noted. Check also the sorts of activities, clubs, visiting speakers.
My S graduated from UR last year in Neuroscience and D visited and liked Bard very much and is at Mount Holoyke (in consortium with Hampshire) now.
Rochester and Bard/Hampshire are VERY different types of schools. I agree that he should contact UR and express interest if that is his top choice. I graduated from UR eons ago, and I have to say, I don’t see it as as a good fit for a nonconformist, and S would agree with me, but if your son likes it…
If he hasn’t stayed over night and attended class at Bard or Hampshire he should try to before he accepts one of them.
RIT is not like UR at all. A good friend of my S went there for glass blowing–excellent for that–but I don’t think a good choice for a free thinking social scientist. (UR would be better.)
We may have very different ideas of what nonconformist means. My son is about as left coast liberal as you can get and he thought UR was very conventional. I think Hampshire and Bard would both have been too unstructured for him but the cultures might have worked better than UR. That said, Bard seemed too East Coast summer camp/upper class slumming to me for either of my kids (believe it or not, I agonized about that last sentence–I could definitely be wrong in my perception.) We didn’t tour Hampshire.
Your son seems multi-talented, got 800 in both math 2 and history SAT!!'s for instance, so both STEM and verbal areas of study are strong. That can make things harder.
Definitely let U. of Rochester know that they are #1.
I wonder if you are located in upstate NY and if he would be close to you at Cornell, Ithaca, Bard, Rochester, RIT, BInghamton with Hampshire not that far? They do seem somewhat clustered, geographically.
I think it is always helpful to look at actual courses, gen ed requirements even syllabi if available. Hampshire’s programs are structured differently, with a lot of independent work. Bard has a reputation for being very intellectual. Conformity does happen at these schools: kind of obligatory alternative if you will. But off the cuff, they would seem like good fits, especially Bard.
Does your son want a math/techy school like RIT? If he went to Rochester, what would be his intended major?
At this stage, visits are the most helpful and he should go with his gut at this point. His “gut” may be influenced by your illness, and if that influences his choice, that is okay of course.
I don’t know if you are at a stage where it is too hard to do visits with him. Or if he drives. Or if he has someone else he trusts to go with him. But visiting would be a priority if it is possible.
Sorry for your health challenges. Not sure why you want “bossy” feedback, but another thought is th be sure to writhe a strong letter of continued interest in UofR.
Bard. Why? BC many kids get their first taste of true nonconformity there. They are all non-conformists, so how does one not conform to that? LOL! He might like that irony:)
In addition to your son writing a letter of interest saying they are his number one choice, his guidance counsellor can also call UR and tell them exactly this: if you accept him, he will come.
He’ll probably get into Bing if he is interested. Their yield is low, so they will probably use the waitlist.
Bless you all. I hope you all find a good fit, and love and peace.
