Need Essay Help before Oct.14!!!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hi everyone! Could you please grade my essay (from the 2006-2007 SAT pre-test) from 0-12 (be BRUTALLY honest please, any opinions are welcome)? If there is ANYTHING I can do to improve my writing, PLEASE TELL ME!!! Thanks for your time!</p>

<p>Assignment: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?</p>

<p>ESSAY:</p>

<pre><code>Although confidentiality is an important asset to many people, its dangers when overused are clear. Lois Lowry’s The Giver and the scandals of the White House amplify and convey the problems of confidentiality.
The negative effects of secrecy are clearly revealed throughout the realm of literature. Lois Lowry’s The Giver sends a dire warning to the world about the dangers of too much secrecy. Set in a futuristic community, The Giver delineates a government that has full discretionary power over its citizens. In an attempt to conceal bad news such as death and crimes from the public, the government undermines the community’s lifeline of news, causing complete ignorance and monotony in the community. People begin to lose their feelings, no longer caring about what is going on with the world. Crime and suicide rates skyrocket, as no one knows or cares about what is happening on the other side of town. The bleak, dismal scenario portrayed in The Giver alerts the world about the importance of expression.
The history of the WHite House shows many examples of confidentiality’s problems. Safely hidden behind the walls of the White House, many government officials actively engage in scandalous affairs. Richard Nixon, a president, engaged in the notorious Watergate scandal, illicitly eavesdropping on the Democratic offices. Had it not been for the media, this vicious scandal would not have been elucidated and many more government officials would have taken this event as a precedent to corrupt the country using the magnitude of their authority and the sanctuary of government status.
Both literature and history awaken our senses to the iniquities of a world secluded by privacy. Only by openly expressing ourselves can we protect our character and ideals.
</code></pre>

2

<p>BUMP…help!!!</p>

3

<p>Well, I would advise you to do three short examples. Two will give you a ten but if you want more…
And also learn some SAT vocab words and use them in your essay. I see you have done that. Topic sentences are fine and the thesis is OK also. I would give this a 10 or 11.</p>

4

<p>Does this essay fill up the space given for you to write in? If not, I give this an 9. Else, it is an 11. ;)</p>

5

<p>lol i think it fills up about a page and a half…do you really think length is that important???</p>

6

<p>ummm…length is really important. You don’t have to be a great writer to get a good score. You just have to conform to their standards. Not the brightest writers are grading this essay, so keep that in mind!</p>

7

<p>Then your score is a 9. Make it longer! :)</p>

<p>The CollegeBoard does not really care about what you say. Remember that the Writing section is joke. ;)</p>

8

<p>I can already predict you what examples are going to be in my essay tomorrow:</p>

<ol>
<li>an east-european movie from the 90s which received lots of prizes and which is the perfect epitome for topic x</li>
<li>an asian novel, recently published, which is the perfect epitome for topic x</li>
<li>a tragical personal experience which is the perfect epitome for topic x</li>
</ol>

<p>Never practiced section 1. 11-12, here I come.</p>

9

<p>lol shadowrider how r u so sure about length increasing your score?</p>