Need feedbacks on my appeal letter

College Life
1

Hi everyone,

I am being suspended for alcohol consumption and damage. In fact, I get a DWI and had an accident. I know I am responsible but I could not take a suspension. Therefore I am writing the following appeal letter to submit. Would anyone look at it and provide me some feedback. Thanks.

To whom it may concern,
I am writing this letter to appeal against the outcome of the formal hearing with Mr. XXX in the student conduct office regarding the violation of the two university policy – Alcoholic Beverage and Damage/Destruction. Mr. XXX has decided to suspend me from the university for a semester. I admitted Responsible to these violations but I found this outcome is unduly harsh to me uniquely. I urge you to uphold this decision.

Next semester would be my last semester at XXX school and I will complete 2 master degrees: Chemistry and Industrial and System Engineering (ISE). For my chemistry degree, I only have to defend my research topic and my thesis is close to be done. This thesis is highly compromised by my research adviser, Prof. XXX, in the chemistry department and he is looking forward to seeing my defense. The bigger problem is my degree in ISE, I only have to take one more class, which is optimization II, and this class is only offered in the spring semester. I have already consulted with the graduate program coordinator in ISE, there is no other class could substitute Optimization II. With suspension for a semester, my expected graduation date will be deferred for a year.

Another problem with suspension is that my identity. Being an international student, suspension means immediate deportation. Because of these violations, I have an arrest record for Drive While Intoxicated on me, which is a criminal record based on the laws of Virginia. After speaking with the International Graduate Student Services (IGSS), I found that obtaining a new visa to reenter the US is extremely difficult. IGSS has provided a letter explaining the issues I could be facing while applying for a new visa and reentering into the US. This even becomes a much more serious problem that my court date is set on XXth Feb, 2017. Begin suspended now, I will have to leave the country immediately and to miss my court date, which adds another layer of complexity on the reenter process. With these issues, this suspension potentially becomes a dismissal to me.

I understand that the chance of successfully appeal based partially on the likelihood of violation happening again. I have provided some letters of character reference to show that I have good character. I have been in the US for 10 years and have always tried my best to obey every state and school law. This is my first offend and will be the last. I have also committed to quit alcohol and never had a drop since the accident happened. To ensure this is a continuous process, I have committed to attend the alcohol anonymous meeting to stay reminded the consequence of drink again.

I have always suffered from emotional instability, financial loss, decreased performance in academic since the accident occur. I realizes that I am a part of the reason of all these but I always behave well, follow order, and treat others nicely. If I am giving a second chance, I would be even better. I am planning to talk to the language and culture intuition to seek the opportunity to present my story on this accident to the new international students. Drinking has always been issues but most international students are not aware of the seriousness of violating state or school police of alcohol. If I am not suspended, I would have this chance to present my story. I believe upholding the suspension would do more good than harm on me and the community.

Therefore, I ask you to be discretionary when making the decision.

2

FYI
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1946023-is-my-sap-appeal-letter-written-well-enough-p1.html

An example of an appeal letter and feedback from posters.

3

In the first paragraph, you say

Perhaps replace with “I admitted being responsible for these violations, but I find the penalties to be too harsh.”

When you say

, uphold is the opposite of the word you want. Uphold means that you want the appeals committee to AGREE with the earlier decision.

Don’t include information about your emotional instability. Do ask someone who is a native speaker to proofread your letter.

Regarding your master’s research, you say

. Compromised here seems to mean that your advisor has harmed the quality of your research. That word does not mean what you think it means.

So how many alcoholics anonymous meetings have you attended so far?

4

I don’t think the suspension is completely unjustified given you have had 2 DWI but I see where you would be particularly hard hit by the suspension… IMO you need to have a solid action plan in place to deal with your drinking issue (ex. seeing a counselor at school and going to AA meetings regularly). Also consider if there are things you could do on campus to help people learn from your experiences (perhaps find a way to help make international students aware of the laws and consequences of breaking them).

5

Can you work with someone at your school who is a native speaker of English to help you revise the letter? The grammatical errors might be excused since English isn’t your first language, but you have a few errors where the word choice changes the meaning of your letter.

For example, at the end of the first paragraph, you say: I urge you to uphold this decision.

I think you want to say something like “I urge you to reconsider the suspension.”

In the second paragraph, you say: This thesis is highly compromised by my research adviser

Compromised is not the correct word here. Not sure what you’re trying to say, but this needs to be changed.

There are grammatical errors throughout the letter. In addition, there are parts you probably should omit, like saying you suffer from emotional instability.

Is there someone in the international office or in Advising at your institution who can help you with this?

6

I think some of the errors are okay and anyone reading it will just realize you are not a native speaker, which actually supports the strongest argument, that you are not a citizen and may face deportation after years of work.
However the “uphold” and “compromised” errors are crucial to correct because they say the opposite of what you mean

If you have proof or a witness to any treatment you are undergoing or any meetings you are attending, you could be protected legally. The Americans with Disabilities Act requires accommodations for those in recovery from substance abuse. I would try to consult with a lawyer. If you cannot afford one, there are some who work for small or no fees.

You are in a situation that US citizens would not face. It seems you have this one offense but admit to some problems with alcohol. I am hoping you have some kind of proof of involvement in recovery programs.

7

On second read IMO the biggest problem is that you have not taken full responsibility, have not set a course to be sure it won’t happen again, and you only seem to be truly remorseful in that the DWIs have had a negative impact on your life.

No doubt your are bright in the academic sense. But do you understand that people in a country that is hosting your for your education, could have been hurt or even killed as a result of your irresponsible and illegal actions. You have been caught driving DWI twice, how many other times has it happened?

You are a guest in the US. You did not bother to take the time to understand the laws. You did not obey the laws. And even your first DWI arrest, you did nothing to change your behavior.

I think you need to look within yourself before you finish this letter.

8

@compmom is this one offense…or two?

I think this student needs a lawyer. There has already been a formal,hearing at his school where he was suspended.

@MaelstromMonkey this is NOT a SAP appeal letter. This is a letter in hopes of getting a suspension overturned. Huge difference!

9

I read it as one offense. Not sure where people are seeing two.

I also suggested a lawyer, and if the student cannot afford a good one, there are lawyers who work in immigration (or education) for low fee.

It is crucial whether the student is in recovery and can show that.

I feel for anyone who has put years of work in toward a degree and is almost finished, and had this happen. Deportation may also be a significant hardship: we don’t have info on that.

My boss at a homeless shelter had this on his desk: “alcoholism is not a sin to be forgiven, but a wound to be healed.” Driving while drunk is dangerous to others and I am glad this poster did not have to suffer that consequence, or anyone else.

10

Am I reading this oddly?

I think this sentence needs to be removed.

11

apologies…this is first offense…

12

Thanks, I will look into it

13

@CheddarcheeseMN Thanks. I also noted from grammar mistake. I will correct them and report again.

I have been in 7 meetings but I have not drunken for a month

14

@happy1
Hi, This is my first DWI and I am sure it will be the last. How could I show my commitment in this letter?

I am wishing to take the full responsibility, anything that is other than suspension. Maybe I should emphasis that in somewhere?

I am trying to make the point that it won’t happen again by quitting alcohol. That is why I am going to the AA meeting. is there any part that I could to make it more convincing?

I also noted that this letter make me seem to be truly remorseful in that the DWIs have had a negative impact on your life. But I guess this is because this DWI hit my bottom and I wont like any consequence of drinking. Is there a way that I could show my remorse in a better way?

Thanks

15

@college_query Thanks, I will reconsider my choice of word.

16

@compmom
I had a lawyer for the court issue but the school issue is not their concern.

It is hard to obtain a written prove for the AA meeting because I have only attended 7 meetings and I have not seen a person went there all the time. But I had a month no drink chip, is there anyway that I could use it?

17

@thumper1 Could you tell me where is odd in the first paragraph? I am happy to look into it

18

@Jason0531 this sentence. Do you really want the school to UPHOLD their decision? I think not.

This was also pointed out to you in post 2. You want them to reverse their decision to suspend you. You do not want them to uphold it.

19

You don’t need to prove you attend AA, especially since it is anonymous, but in your original post it wasn’t clear that you had started to attend already. You could say, “Since my arrest, I have become a regular participant at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.”

20

@thumper1

Thanks, I was mistakenly thought that you mean other part of the 1st paragraph is odd. I took @college_query advise and change it to

I urge you to reconsider the suspension.

Really thanks for your insight