<p>Last night my family had a horrible fight. I wont go into detail but it ended up with my brother hitting me in the head with a pipe and me going by ambulance to the hospital. There was a lot of fighting prior to this so I was hoping my injury would have them forget about their arguements and focus on making sure i was all right. But it didnt. My dad now says he is moving out and my brother wont talk to me and my family doesnt want to talk about it. The soonest time we could see a therapist is in October. But they just make our situations worse. I dont no what to do. I just want to keep my family together. And I feel responsible because it all escalated from me and my brother arguing. I also want to retaliate to my brother really badly because of what he did but I cant because that would just make things worse. But I cant even look at my brother anymore. </p>
<p>If your family is having problems getting an earlier appointment with a therapist, more than likely, there will be a cancellation, and your family can get in earlier if they keep calling and asking about openings.</p>
<p>See if you can get an individual appointment with a therapist who specializes in adolescents. You probably can get a referral from the therapist your family is trying to see. That way, your therapist can work with the family therapist. </p>
<p>Your GC also may be able to help connect your family with therapists who can see you before Oct.</p>
<p>If the reason for the Oct. appointment is that’s the soonest that everyone in the family has time for an appointment, encourage your parents to make an earlier appointment for those family members who are able to go earlier. Even if just one person – you – goes, that can make a difference because when one person changes or gets insight in a family, that changes the balance of power, and everyone has to adjust.</p>
<p>I’m sorry this is happening to you. If your family situation has gotten to the point of your brother hitting you on the head with a pipe and you having to go to the hospital in an ambulance, things are obviously way out of control and you need to get some help for yourself. It is not your fault that this happened. YOu can’t control what your family does, but you may be able to get an earier appointment for individual therapy. Therapy may not help your family, but it can help you. Don’t retaliate. That will make things worse. But do get some help for your emotional and physical well-being.</p>
<p>" It is not your fault that this happened. YOu can’t control what your family does,"</p>
<p>The above is really important. When there are the types of family problems that you describe, everyone has a role in causing the problems. So, in a perfect world, everyone in such a family would get the help that they need. Do not blame yourself for causing all of the problems. Do, however, do whatever you can to get the counseling that you need as soon as possible.</p>
<p>I agree with Northstarmom and Heron. Try to get an appointment before October, even if you’re the only one who can go. </p>
<p>To repeat: it’s not your fault. It’s not your responsibility to keep your family together. You did not cause the situation (everyone in your family has a part and you are not the adult here). You cannot control them or their behavior or the situation in general. You cannot cure the problem on your own. You, and your family, need help to make things better. If you feel that a therapist you saw before “made it worse” maybe you could find another?</p>
<p>In the meantime, take things one day at a time, one moment at a time. Breathe deeply, or do any relaxation or meditation that helps you calm dwon and center. Work out physically - it’s good for the emotions as well as the body. Many communities have crisis lines where you can call anonymously and talk to a counselor. Take care and good luck.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry, John. You must be really scared right now. Maybe your dad just needs some time away to cool off; don’t assume this is permanent. You said you can’t even look at your brother, and honestly…that’s probably best. It sounds like you and he definitely need a break from interacting with each other. </p>
<p>How is your mom doing? She is probably very scared, too. It sounds like maybe your parents took sides in your and your brother’s argument. If that’s the case, she may be blaming you or your brother (or both of you) for this. </p>
<p>I agree with the others that this whole big blow-up is not your fault, yet in some ways, everyone in the family likely shares some of the blame. If there is something in particular that you know you did wrong (or said wrong), it would make you feel better to apologize to your mom for that. You may have said the wrong thing to your brother, but you and he are likely not to the point where you can have a civil conversation yet. By apologizing to your mom for your part in all of that, you might find that she has a different perspective and will understand better how to comfort you. You are a young man now, and with your dad not there, you can be a source of strength and support for your mom, too.</p>
<p>Do you have any friends who are really involved in a church…who maybe go to youth group meetings or something like that? If so, I’d suggest asking if you could go with them to a youth meeting. Youth pastors are usually trained in counseling and they love and understand young people. You could ask the youth pastor if you could call and talk to him sometime or maybe get together. I hope you will consider doing this!</p>
<p>“I’m also surprised the hospital did not make a report and that they did not call in a social worker.”</p>
<p>You might have been referred. Did it happen late last night? Don’t be suprised if your family gets a call Monday. Case Mgrs don’t usually cover on weekends.
BUT you can call the hospital and ask to speak to a case manager/social worker. Explain that you were seen in the ER but you think you need a referral for some kind of outpatient mental health intervention because of family issues that brought you to the hospital.</p>
<p>According to the hospital report “It was late at night and I tripped and fell down my stairs.” Thats what my parents said happened. My fathers an attorney so he new exactly what to tell the hospital.</p>
<p>What your father did – lied – is an example of the dysfunction in your family. I hope you can see that you aren’t the only person in your family with problems. Whenever there’s a family with lots of major problems, everyone in the family has some dysfunction, even if they had to act in a dysfunctional way in order to survive in a dysfunctional environment.</p>
<p>Please do whatever you can to get the help that you need. That could include talking to your GC – and telling your GC the truth of what happened. When family dysfunction reaches a point in which blows are being struck, that’s an emergency situation, and more than likely if your GC knows about this, s/he can help your family quickly get some help.</p>
<p>John, is there somewhere else where you can stay for a while? A friends house? You father is NOT helping you by protecting your brother from the Police. No wonder you are scared! Please call a trusted friend, teacher, or at the very least child protective services and ask then to take you in for the time being.</p>
<p>You also could call the hospital that treated you, tell them the truth about your injury, and ask them to get you help. Check your discharge papers, which probably has the name of the doctor who treated you. I believe that if you tell them the truth, they will have to let Child Protective Services know, which would be to your advantage as you are in a dangerous situation. </p>
<p>Your family may complain if you tell the truth (though it’s very possible that the hospital can get CPS involved without telling your family you called. Frankly, the story should have seemed suspicious to the hospital), but you would be doing the right thing. The wrong thing is what your parents have been doing – hiding the truth.</p>
<p>You also can get help from the national domestic violence hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE</p>
<p>Its not as simple as you guys are making it out. Calling Child Protective Services or involving the Police will split my family apart which is what im trying to stop.</p>
<p>John, we know you want to keep your family together but it doesn’t sound like it’s safe to do that. You’ve already been hurt badly enough to be sent to the hospital. If your dad is lying to the hospital, your family’s problems are not being dealt with. </p>
<p>Being split up might not be the worst thing that could happen to you. It might give everyone a chance to calm down, take a deep breath, and evaluate what the problems are. If you’re all together and there’s this much tension, someone may get hurt again.</p>
<p>You need more help than we can give you here. I agree with the earlier post to call the Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE.</p>
<p>Providing that you are in fact safe from violence… maybe the family taking a break from each other until October when you can get some counseling is a good idea. Sometimes distance and time help ease conflicts… or cool down tempers enough so that a reconciliation can start taking place. </p>
<p>My thoughts are with you… it’s not fair, it’s not right that a child feels he/she has to “hold” the family together.</p>
<p>I agree with the posters who suggest staying with a friend for a few days. Maybe that could both give you a safe place and help your family realize how serious this situation is. And do call the domestic violence hotline - you can do that anonymously. Be safe.</p>