<p>Additionally, I suspect the OP has misused a few words. </p>
<p>Did you really work with passwords at the consulate? Or did you mean passports? </p>
<p>I don’t know what you mean by studying a foreign language “intramurally.” Intramural, translated literally from the Latin, means “within the wall.” It’s usually used to describe a within-school competitive activity. Thus, you won an intramural debate to represent your high school. I don’t understand what you mean in the foreign language context.</p>
<p>Nor do I understand what you mean by professional badminton lessons. Were you training to become a professional player? Or do you just mean the lessons were taught by a professional? If the latter, delete the word professional. </p>
<p>Personally, I’d recommend this approach:</p>
<p>Put things like SATs and languages on one line. Like this:</p>
<p>SAT I: score(CR); score(M);score (W); SAT II: scheduled in November
Languages: X (Certificate) German (Mittel_); Beginner in Chinese should just say Beginner. (Again, I don’t understand what you have written as your explanation.) </p>
<p>Then put your activities into groups. Something like this:</p>
<p>Debate: Blah, blah,blah. (But not too much!!!)
model UN: Blah, blah, blah. (Again, not too much. No need to say you were one of the smallest ministries, for example. )
Consulate internship: If the only legal documents you drafted were powers of attorney, just say that. If you did more than one kind, then just say drafted legal documents.
Piano:
Badminton: </p>
<p>Try a redraft and post it or shoot me a PM if you prefer that.</p>
<p>Bottom line: the advice to be more concise is correct. In the first revision, try saying less about each individual thing–e.g., the mentoring program discussed issues currently facing the UN without listing half a dozen examples. Post 8 contains excellent advice, IMO.</p>