I’m 26 and never had a girlfriend due to Asperger’s. Any tips for dating after college
Whenever I’m talking to a new girl, in 2 minutes she starts looking at her phone or interrupting me when I talk. I believe this is because of how I look because I’m overweight (210 lbs at 5’9”) and guys who are unattractive ain’t taken seriously.
I would say if this girl is new to you (I’m a girl) , she probably expects just small talk from you the first time she meets you. She wants to have a conversation with you and not to feel like that she is in an interview for “the one”. Relationships take a lot of judgement and thinking over time, not in 10 minutes.
Appearance is a little involved with attraction, but not entirely. You want to look like that you can have fun with this person and agree to go to the places that she wants to go to.
For finding someone after college, you can use dating apps, ■■■■■■■■■■, or just any public place you want to go to. Then, sit down to a girl that doesn’t seem busy and seems friendly and introduce yourself. If you guys click, then you guys should exchange contact info. Dating can happen any place and during anytime
Do you have any female friends that can provide advice, in terms of what they find attractive in a guy (personality-wise)?
Are there any books you can read (with positive, healthy advice) re: dating as a person with Asperger’s? Potential dates appreciate an authentic, interesting individual who knows who they are. Having consideration for others is also appealing.
If you feel concern about weight (many people do, it’s common), figure out how you can improve your health. This often results in an optimal height/weight ratio. Are there physical activities you can pursue (walking, weights at home) to start building strength and endurance?
The best relationships have common interests - what are your hobbies and pursuits? Can you meet other young singles at them? Social distancing is still a thing, so that makes things complicated. Some museums have social mixers for other currently unattached people. Check if any are going on where you live in the near future.
Volunteering at a cause that you care about (animals, food bank, veteran’s affairs, seniors, etc.) is a way to meet people of substance. Who know other people - and can expand your circle of potential dates.
Also, don’t discount fashion. Do an online search, something like “personal style guide for men,” and read up on how you can develop your own fashion sense. This is one of the first cues you send out to others about who you are and how you live.
All good things…
You had a lot of good advice in this previous thread. Try reading it again and take steps to implement some changes. You might benefit from seeking a therapist to help guide you in the right direction.
And please seek the advice of a nutritionist. Being overweight isn’t healthy for most people, physically or mentally.
It’s up to YOU to meet people. I sense that you feel that other people aren’t being receptive to you. You need to make steps to change that.
BTW, there are people with Aspergers who have partners. Change your mindset and acknowledge that there are steps you can take that might help you more easily engage with others, and women in particular.
I’m looking for someone who is right for my personality. I lack the ability to flirt because it’s a natural talent that requires quick wit and a silver charm. My approach is simply having a conversation as friends and then asking “I really enjoy your company. Do you want to go on a date next weekend?”.
I never make excuses. There are things to people that will be like a fish trying to climb a tree. I’ve spent $700 on online dating coaching regarding cold approach and flirting techniques and it hasn’t improved my ability to banter and reparteé with women. My brain can’t pick up the right response to a comment and I have a hard time telling the difference between sarcasm and reality.
I would change the approach to “I really enjoyed your company, do you want to grab a cup of coffee next weekend?” “Date” can be a strong word for some women.
If the cup of coffee goes well, make plans for an informal lunch, then maybe take it to the date level.
My brother has your condition and is also your same age. I would say you could join a church group or any adult organization where it seems like the people vibe with you and you could see yourself becoming good friends with these type of people . You can also join a gym, or even go on an adult only vacation that would have a lot of singles on it. You could probably also go to the movies by yourself on either a Friday night or a saturday and see if anyone in the theater is in the same situation . You can also ask a close family relative or friend and be like “hey , I’m looking for a date for an event,. Do you know of anyone that would go along with me?” . My last suggestion is to take a class at a local college for fun and become friendly with a girl who seems nice and go from there! The bottom line is to become friends with someone who doesnt seem intimating or surrounded by a bunch of people and then you develop the friendship first and then when time passes, you can be like “hey, can we talk about our future?” good luck!