need help

<p>Hello CC,</p>

<p>I got into Notre Dame early this past year and i plan on attending in september. Recently, something bad has happened in my family, and a family member has become sick. Given her age and her condition, she doesnt have alot of time left. </p>

<p>i go to a boarding school, so i do not live at home. Can a college rescind you for withdrawing from your boarding school 2 months shy of graduation? If it's for a good reason like wanting to be with her in her final few months? </p>

<p>She has been like a third parent to me, and I cant stand to be away from her in her final few months. She means way too much to me. </p>

<p>I WILL graduate and get a diploma...i have already talked to a guidence counselor at my local public high school and she said i could transfer credits and graduate. As long as i get a diploma, i would imagine everything should be ok.?.?</p>

<p>can Notre Dame rescind me for something like that?</p>

<p>i already asked this in the Notre Dame thread and i got mixed answers. Please give your input.</p>

<p>Call them directly, or email them. They can answer the best.</p>

<p>I am sorry to hear about your grandmother.</p>

<p>Call Notre Dame's admission office to find out what your options are.</p>

<p>Call Notre Dame first. </p>

<p>You have seriously extenuating circumstances (a close family member reaching the end of her life). But Notre Dame is a highly selective school.</p>

<p>Since you seem eager to get your diploma, I think ND would be more willing to understand. You want to be close with your family, but you don't want to give up academics in the process.</p>

<p>I think this merits individual attention. Call and email the admissions office; ask to talk with your specific officer (and give a background so it gets prioritized). </p>

<p>I'm really sorry to hear about your sick family member and I hope that you can reach some sort of consensus with ND. If you contact them before actually changing anything, I'm sure they'd be reasonable about it.</p>

<p>K- as a person of reason, do you think this is what your grandmother would want? Even the possibility of getting rescinded I am sure would be something she would not want you to chance.</p>

<p>As well, you could pull out of school and she could indeed live longer than expected...would you then hold off on Notre Dame?</p>

<p>I think you really need to think about turning your world upside down...and I don't mean to sound cold, but when someone is dying, they often don't want lots of people around, don't want people to give up their lives for them, and don't want people to make sacrifices</p>

<p>If you were my child, I would not allow you to leave school...even transfer for something that is so unpredicitable.</p>

<p>It would not be unkind of you to stay at your school and have a year that would make your grandmother proud....</p>

<p>Something else to remember, you won't be able to sit with her all day after school, nor will she want you if you left school, left all the end of the high school year events, etc., do you think that would make her happy?</p>

<p>Before you make this huge leap, think about what your grandmother would want.</p>

<p>My friends grandmother just died. For the last month she was basically comatose, didn't want company and didn't want to feel guilty for putting people out.</p>

<p>Most elderly people take pride in how well there grandchildren are doing and do not want to do anything to put them out...and it would not be selfish if you decided to stay at school, not at all</p>

<p>Please talk to Notre Dame. I highly doubt that transferring schools will put your admission at risk, but only ND can verify this. Since ND is a Catholic school, I imagine they take to heart Jesus' words, "When I was sick, you visited me" and would support what you plan to do.</p>

<p>Your desire to be able to spend time with your grandmother during her last days makes sense to me and is a reflection of a loving, compassionate heart. The U.S. is one of the few places in the world where it's considered normal to shove people onto the sidelines and isolate them as they are dying. In many places, the family gathers to assist and express love to the dying person. People who have been able to spend lots of time with dying relatives have told me that it was a time that both they and the ill person treasured.</p>

<p>I am writing this as my closest friend in the world is dying hundreds of miles away in a hospice. I have a plane ticket to see her tomorrow, and I am hoping to make it to see her again before she dies.</p>

<p>A member of my church recently died in hospice -- with his graduate student and high school-aged daughters and his wife holding his hand. He was comatose, but his family still believed that their presence made a difference to him. His older daughter -- the one in grad school -- flew home from grad school, and spent 10 days at his bedside until he died.</p>

<p>I remember when my own beloved grandmother was hospitalized in what was her final illness. I visited her a couple of times, but didn't know what to say or how to act since she was comatose</p>

<p>It was only afterward that I learned that touch and hearing are the last senses to go, so it can be a comfort to dying people to hear words of love and to have their hands held or feet rubbed </p>

<p>I think it's a reflection of how our society marginalizes old people and very ill people so that that many old and ill people feel guilty if their loved ones make some sacrifices to be at their bedside while they are dying. That is the last act of love that one can give to a person: spending time with them when they are dying. </p>

<p>Here's a link to some information about how to support your grandmother.
How</a> to Comfort the Dying - wikiHow</p>

<p>Well, I just asked my mother,who lives with us in her old age, what she thinks. And this is something that we are all discussing because my MIL is 93. When the time comes, would my mother, who has been there for my Ds, would she want them to leave school in order to be with her?</p>

<p>She out right said no. It is not about marginilzing her, not at all. Its about her wish and her pride in seeing how well her granddaughters are doing, and how their lives are, and what she knows she contribuited to them being who they are. She said she didn't need them there as she passed to know that they love her, for her its the phone calls, the showing the outfits for the dances, the telling her stories now. She said that she would feel not great if she knew they sacrafised so much for her.</p>

<p>If they came back, she would actually be mad at them! And yes, we have talked about this as a family...and we have discussed how we will handle it after when my Hs mother passes</p>

<p>Back to the OP- yes it is laudable you want to go home, but make sure it is something your grandmother would be okay with. Would she be okay with you missing your prom, graduation with all your friends? That is also about HER...</p>

<p>this situation is so bad. i just want to graduate now. </p>

<p>i think as long as i tell them (and contact them as soon as i make the descision) i will be fine.</p>

<p>If the OP would rather be with her dying grandmother than go to her own prom or graduate with her boarding school friends, that to me reflects her own values and priorities and I believe shows a lot of love and compassion It also would allow her grandmother to give her a final gift: the gift of showing how to leave this life, something all of us will have to do. </p>

<p>Madlaxer, I sent my dying friend a list of some of the things that she has done that have made big and small differences in my life. My friend's husband read them to her, and he just told me that my friend's eyes lit up when she heard what I had written.</p>

<p>This also could be something that you could do for your grandmother. I've read that one thing that dying people grapple with is figuring out the purpose of their lives, and it can be very helpful for them to hear the ways that they have helped other people. In some cultures, as people are dying, others read to them lists of large and small things that they have done for others. In fact, in Burma, people make a "metta" (lovingkindness) book in which each night they write a list of such things so that when they die, their loved ones can read the lists, and remind them of the kindness and love that they have spread.</p>

<p>OP -- you may find it helpful to a counselor to help you make the decision about what to do. I wish you peace no matter what you decide.</p>

<p>thanks all. Im gonna call tomorrow and ask my guidence couselor what to do.</p>