<p>We will be attending a bar mitzvah later this month and I need recommendations for a gift – I don’t want to give money. They will be having a bar mitzvah celebration in June in Israel, but we will be attending the buffet luncheon after services. They are neighbors and I like them very much, but we are not close friends. I don’t know the boy well enough to know his interests other than that he likes all sports. I believe the family has season’s tickets to all or most of the sports events here so tickets to an event wouldn’t work. </p>
<p>Especially since you don’t know the boy very well, I would go with money. My daughter was recently bat mitzvahed. My oldest daughter is a high school junior, so I am becoming quite knowledgable in the high cost of college. Believe me, totalling my youngest daughter’s monetary gifts and depostiing them in a 529 was the best present she could get. </p>
<p>She did, however, get one present that was absaolutley perfect. A boy from her summer camp gave her tickets to see The Apple Tree on Broadway this weekend. He will be accompanying her. It was the perfect gift because they played Adam and Eve in The Apple Tree two summers ago at their performing arts camp. A gift like that was meaningful beyond money. But otherwise, I’d go for the gelt.</p>
<p>There’s a book by Robert Slater called “Great Jews in Sports” that makes a really nice Bar Mitzvah gift for a sports-loving boy. Slater has several more books, including “Great Jewish Men” and “Great Jewish Women.” Maybe a combination?</p>
<p>If you do decide to give money, I learned on a thread here last summer that there is a number (18?) that is meaningful in Jewish culture, and that multiples of this number are considered thoughtful cash gifts. I happened to read this shortly before the Bar Mitzvah of my son’s good friend, and I used the idea. You might also ask the parents for gift suggestions. Another boy who had a BM last year was given several gift certificates to Radio Shack so that he could buy an Ipod, or something.</p>
<p>I may have to bone up on this. My 8-year-old son announced today that his new religion was Buddhism, and he was not going to be Jewish any more. This was the first I’d heard that he’d converted (and un-converted)!</p>
<p>We just had ours a month ago, and as opposed to my older ones, she received more money than any gift item. My suggestions are pads of paper that are personalized or my favorite (my d rolled her eyes) are binoculars. Target carries a $36 and a $50 pair and I put the gift receipt on the back. An I-pod pillow with an I-tune card or any other I-pod accessory is also great. The “great jews in sports” was a hit with some a few years ago.</p>
<p>He’s about to travel to Israel!! A lightweight organizer for his suitcase, a travel reading light for the plane, a photo album or scrapbook to assemble his souvenirs, and say “it’s for your trip.”</p>
<p>Does the boy have pre-teen or teenaged relatives in Israel? If he does, they appreciate CD’s of recently-released American music over there. I think they have an import cost tacked on. You could give him a short stack of CD’s (not the usual MTV crap, but subtler soulful artists like Alicia Keys, or "best of…Ray Charles, Simon & Garfunkle, James Taylor). Tell him to skim a few for himself, but then carry the rest over to Israel and give them out as “Thank You” notes for anyone who helps him during his trip (tourguides, cousins, etc)</p>
<p>A copy (for his parents) of Jeffrey Salkin’s “Put God On the Guestlist” A Guide to Bar Mitzvahs, if his family doesn’t yet have it. </p>
<p>If they are Reform, ask his parents if he owns a copy of Rabbi Gunther Plaut’s A Modern Torah Commentary. If they’re Conservative, then the Penteteuch by Hertz. Probably available at any synagogue bookstore. THey have the Hebrew, English, and commentaries for the Five Books of Moses. It is the BEST thing to take to college and will enhance many of his courses if he can have easier access to the stories he grew up with. Plaut costs around $40. Hertz, I don’t know. If they’re Orthodox, there’s another book to get.
I’m astonished how many kids end up the Bar Mitzvah process without this essential resource. It will serve them through college and for a lifetime.</p>
<p>You said you didn’t want to give money, and I’m right there with you on that. Others will give money. These days, a well-chosen gift is evidence of care and neighborly love.</p>
<p>PS, Don[t ask him or his folks if he’d “like” a copy of the Plaut, Hertz, or the orthodox version of the Five Books of Moses. Nobody “likes” to receive a crucial piece of reference software for their hardrive, but they sure need it.
If that one hits you right, just buy it for him. Don’t expect his eyes to light up, but trust me, that’s the gift for the long-range. If you want his eyes to dance, then go for the Ipods and other nice modern suggestions above.</p>
<p>In the case of a bar/bat mitzvah gift, I don’t think that giving money implies that less “care” is given towards the bar/bat mitzvah child. I just think it is the most appropriate gift, and the one that most families hope for. A 13-year old boy is generally not going to get excited over a travel organizer or scrap book. (Those are more apporpriate gifts for adults.) As for the talmudic books, many of those are presented by the synagogue or mens club/ sisterhood to the b’nai mitzvah at their service.</p>
<p>If you want to do something neighborly for the family, perhaps you can ask if they need any help during the final weeks before the bar mitzvah with car-pooling, meals, etc. Things get hectic and your offer would be appreciated, even if they don’t take you up on it.</p>
<p>I should add that both my daughter’s took a portion of their monetary gifts and donated it to the charity of their choice. Also, they were allowed to keep a portion of the “cash” they received (as opposed to checks) and spend it as they wished. (With this money one daughter bought a Tiffany necklace and the other bought Swarovski crystal figurines.) However, our rule was that they could not spend more on themselves than the amount they gave to charity!</p>
<p>Heard of a very clever set of gift certificates for “Body, Mind and Soul”</p>
<p>Sports Authority - Body
ITunes - Soul
Barnes and Noble - Mind</p>
<p>If you want to give something with more Jewish content…sound like family is well-off so maybe a nice tzdakah (charity) box? </p>
<p>The Jewish Books of Why – very good , easy to read, “quick” reference books about every day Jewish life and ritual (they’re a 2 book set that comes in a special binder.) </p>
<p>Mel Brooks CD’s of the 2000 year old Man (I think there are 3 of them) aren’t really “Jewish”, but have a lot of Jewish content. Would go well with the new re-issue of The Big Book of Jewish Humor.</p>
<p>Most book stores, including B&N, carry the Humor book and the Jewish books of Why.</p>
<p>The books presented to the children on the bima (altar) by the synagogue leadership are prayer books, costing around $20.</p>
<p>Rather, I was recommending the Torah texts, costing around $40, because they are a bit more expensive, unusual and helpful for college courses and papers.</p>
<p>I understand and mentioned that this is not a popular gift.</p>
<p>I have no idea what “most” families hope for. All my kids’ b’nai mitzvah money was spent long ago (college-related) but they still own and enjoy these books. Anyone who gave them a chosen gift is still remembered as the giver.
The OP said she didn’t want to give money. These are all reasons not to give money. THere are other reasons TO give money.</p>
<p>The books presented to the kids from the synagogue leadership/brotherhood/sisterhood vary from place to place. The synagogue I grew up in always gave the Torah text…and I think they still do. Our synagogue gives the kids the prayer book in 3rd grade, when they start their Hebrew studies.</p>
<p>I know one that gives The Jewish Books of Why (so…maybe I should take back my earlier suggestion…it’s just such a good set of “life” reference books) However, any book given with a gift receipt could always be exchanged (B & N won’t give money back with a gift receipt…just an exchange or gift certificate.)</p>
<p>Hm, thanks 2boysima, and that’s great to know of the variety of books bestowed on kids. I’ve had to move a lot so I only really know about 6 synagogues, not all. </p>
<p>I guess the only way to know for a particular child is to phone that synagogue’s office and find out what’s given there! The Jewish Books of Why are really wonderful.</p>
<p>My S received only money, with the exception of Harry Potter book. That was so extreme I vowed NOT to give money. I gave several sets of Lord of Rings to his friends. Also, stock certificates to something they know has been enjoyed. 2 friends had a star named for them. I took the certificates and had frames from Michael’s. For a close friend going to same overnight as S, I bought him duffel bag. I like the idea of large bag on wheels, with initials. Sports bags work for some. For girls I’ve given bracelets (Tiffanys heart, initials). Oh, I could go on and on.</p>
<p>With both of my older kids, a very popular Bar/Bat Mitzvah gift was a bookstore gift card, either from one of the bookstore chains, like Barnes & Noble or Borders, or (better yet) from our local independent bookstore. Sometimes they’d give or get gift cards from other stores that the child happened to like–perhaps a gift card from a sporting goods store…?</p>
<p>a nice watch
a nice suitcase
a variety of gift cards that add up to what you want to spend (i.e. bookstore, sporting goods store, coffee/ice cream, music, etc)
a fancy pair of sunglasses (of whatever brand is popular these days)
college savings bond
an engraved picture frame
an ipod if he doesnt have one
a digital camera
money in multiples of 18
money to a charity you think he would appreciate (i.e. if he has a pet, the humane society. if into music, one of the organizations that promote music ed in inner city schools)</p>
<p>I don’t know if kids still collect baseball cards, but my son loved his gift certificates to the stores that sold trading cards and autographed photos, balls and cards.</p>
<p>Someone mentioned a duffle bag; my son received one from llbean with his initials that he liked. A sports watch is also a nice gift. The kids don’t get excited with savings bonds, but when the bonds mature and I hand them back over to them, I bet they will be happy. Another interesting gift each of my kids received was shares of stock to a big or local company. Again, nothing in hand, but it was fun to watch the paper and see how the stock was doing. You just need to remember you own it if you every want to cash in. I know my kids have Home Depot and Coca Cola; I am not sure they remember at this time that they have it though.</p>
<p>Thanks so much for the ideas. I’m going to look into the book Great Jews in Sports and that type of thing first. The Mel Brooks Cd’s are a wonderful idea too. My son loved them when he first discovered them. Perhaps something for travel, or a personalized sports duffle. </p>
<p>I usually give money in this situation where I don’t know the boy that well, but the parents are extraordinarily wealthy (they have the largest house on the street – custom built MacMansion-- second home and maybe even a third), not that there is anything wrong with that. But because of the family’s wealth, college costs won’t be a problem for them. That is why I was looking for something a bit different. </p>
<p>Thanks everyone. You’ve given me terrific ideas – as I expected from CC parents.</p>
<p>That way they get something related to their heritage (plus in this case may help him appreciate the places he visits in Israel) and something they can use for fun (my nephew used his gift cert for Monty Python videos).</p>