Second, I am aware of the rape of someone I have met, through a relative of theirs. I do not know how the victim would feel if they knew I knew about it. I do know that when that person does occur in conversations, where there are questions about their behavior and motivations, and mental state, at some point I just say “you can’t discount what happened” and try to stop putting standard expectations on someone so traumatized (not to rank such things, but details are very scary and sad).
I think if I was told that instead, the person suffered a great trauma, I don’t know if I would have been so defending of them if I didn’t know the details of what happened to them to their relative…
As for post #18, men can be raped too and certainly have similar issues dealing with it at best. But it sounds from post #16, the supervisor is harassing women and targeting them.
The situation is really difficult - the only other thing I can say, based on the field the OP is in, is to try to get some advice from a very trusted colleague. If the program wasn’t attended, where would that put the OP? If there is fear of revealing information to a general set of people without any control, could it be best to not have a recommendation on file from the program?
Good luck with your decision. I am not religious at all, but I’m sure the spiritual aspects of the situation coupled with employment issues complicate matters greatly.
This person sounds like someone I would NOT use as a reference. He sounds abusive and inappropriate. If at all possible, I would not want anyone talking to him for that reason.
@Onetogo2 I completely agree the supervisor’s recomendation was inappropriate however for clarification, a Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) supervisor is an instructor over a cohort, usually for a year. Students go through group and individual therapy as part of the process before they are certified themselves. The supervisor is in an instructor role, not job supervisor.
I do think OP should report this to the CPE’s supervisor’s supervisor.
If there’s a supervisor’s supervisor, yes, I’d certainly report and ask the males and females who also took this training to also report. This guy needs to be re-trained and/or removed. He is insensitive, abusing his authority and who knows what else. Yuck!
This is a man’s perspective for whatever that’s worth. If I had been raped, I don’t think I would tell anyone ever. If I had told someone, I would insist on strict confidentiality.
Imho, it is wholly up to the victim when to reveal and to whom. Having such personal info shared is a rare privilege. This supervisor is clearly abusing the privilege and his writing shows he has NO sense of boundaries or respect or understanding of confidentiality or trust.
Every person who reads the evaluation will know, regardless of your desire. If you are only able to add a rebuttal, it will still be there for everyone to read. This needs to be expunged, in its entirety to give you back the power to discuss this when and with whom you feel comfortable. To simply add a rebuttal is unacceptable, it leaves you open to further violation. Go over his head and do not feel bad
rhandco: Yes I am well aware that men can be raped, and I would advise a man in this same situation the same way. But in this case, it is clear that this man is insensitive to women in general, which is why I said he should not be mentoring/consuling women.
Rothlisburger, I think that is more your own perspective rather than a man’s perspective. I know many men who would feel differently, but your point just underscores that this is highly personal decision and it must be up to individual to decide who to tell and what to tell and under what circumstances.
Get righteously angry KK. And let his supervisors and his whole administration know that he is a sexual predator. He got off on knowing your pain. seriously. especially given that you needed to challenge some of his other evil remarks. Religion needs to take this more seriously and start helping weed out their bad actors.
I agree with esobay – this man has too much power.
And…
“I think his intent was to acknowledge growth. Part was doing a half-butted job of evaluating an entire year referring only to incidents in the last month. And some passive aggressive response to my pointing out at our last session that some of his jokes and comments to the other woman in the group over the year was inappropriate (the two male students backed me up on this).”
Sounds like he has some issues he needs to work through himself!
It seems clearly inappropriate to mention such a personal detail on a form that would be seen by anyone other than you. This man seems to have a habit of making inappropriate remarks, and it may well be his payback for you calling him out on this issue earlier. He may be malicious, clueless, or both. In any case, do your best to get him to write a more appropriate evaluation.
@roethlisburger CPE is an extended course with 6 units required for certification as a chaplain. It’s primary focus is on exploring how your own issues help or impair interactions with clients and peers. The rape obviously is relevant to that, and transparency and self reflection are vital to the CPE process. I shared it in part to get rid of shame and place it on the rapist where it belongs. And because I’d been working with a patient who had Ben raped.
@HImom I used him as a reference for a volunteer chaplain position and he wrote a glowing recommendation. The evaluation is REQUIRED as part of my application for the additional units I need for certification and any chaplain paid positions I apply for for the next ten years.
I’d try to get the supervisor of this guy at the meeting as well. It is clearly over the top and highly unprofessional for him to have this level of detail in his form. I can’t see ANY circumstances where what he wrote is in any way appropriate, NONE. If it’s just you and him, I can’t see that you have much leverage and how that would be at all productive.
Yes, have his supervisor there. If you tell him you feel violated by his explicit way of dealing with your progress, he will just take it as a sign of YOUR failure, not his own. You next evaluation may very well include less detail about the circumstances, but more negative evaluation of your progress.