NOLS has financial aid and also has the potential to provide paid work at some point.
interesting article about gaming:
Does he actually have an Internet addiction, or is he just an introvert who prefers to spend time on his own rather than with other people?
If the issue is that he is using video games and the Internet as coping mechanisms for depression, the solution is not to convince him to play less or pressure him into trying to leave his dorm room (because he’ll just find something else to fill the void, or nothing, which would be worse). The solution is to treat the depression. There’s no real magic “fix” - if he’s telling you that he needs some time off to take a break and figure himself out, pressuring him to stay by assuming if he would just do X he’d be better isn’t going to help him, either. If he really is depressed, he’s probably tried that already anyway. (I struggled with depression in college and graduate school; socializing with others does not magically make it better, and in fact can make it worse.) If he’s just really introverted, he’s got to come out in his own time.
People on the Internet are real, flesh and blood people. I am assuming that all of you are living, breathing specimens sitting in front of your computers, as am I. Social connections made online aren’t necessarily less valid or fulfilling because they are entirely online.
I wouldn’t make the conversation about his “Internet addiction.” If the root of his unhappiness really is loneliness and feeling like he’s not fitting in (rather than depression or something else), then you could suggest ways for him to reach out and meet people or advise him that friendships beyond high school often take some effort.
^I MUCH dislike that article - or rather, the media’s interpretation of that article. I’ve seen it a couple times now. For some reason, the media glomped onto the gaming aspect, but the study was a study of all leisure time activities, and the young men in the study spent FAR more time watching TV (17 hours a week), and more time socializing (8 hours a week) and doing other leisure activities (8.2 hours a week), than they spent gaming (5.2 hours a week). The only notable thing about video games is simply that the average amount of time spent gaming went up by 2 hours per week from the 2004-2007 cohort. But that makes sense because there are far more games and more extended experiences (including online multiplayer on consoles) in 2012-2015 than there were in 2004-2007. Online play through console services didn’t really start to explode until the mid-2000s, and mobile gaming didn’t become a thing until much later, during the advent of smartphones.
Yet nobody says that young men are spending less time working because they are spending more time watching TV or socializing. Economically speaking it’s far more likely that young men are, on average, spending less time working because of higher unemployment rates (which would drag down the average) and higher underemployment rates (people working at lower-income jobs may be more likely to be part-time), as well as the rise of the gig economy.
I’m somewhat biased (but knowledgeable) because I work for a major video game company and part of my work is studying social connections via online multiplayer gaming. But what we find is that people consistently report making meaningful, long-term friendships online via gaming. People bond through gaming - and all kinds of other online activities.
My son is a comp sci major who has always spent time on the computer. He did a lot of art projects but he also spent a decent amount of time gaming with friends – some local and some OOS. After a while it occurred to me that they were socializing, just not in the manner that was typical for my generation. They couldn’t all get together in person and they don’t seem to call and chat the way girls do, but they did plenty of talking online.
My son took a gap year after high school and worked, and he spent time gaming then too. He’s a rising college junior who still does a lot of computer activities. But now that he’s older, he and those same friends get together regularly in person. They take long weekend camping trips during the school year and week long excursions over winter and summer break. They’ve spent a week touring historical sites, gone to the beach for spring break, spent a week in D.C., and toured Canada. Next month a couple are going to HI. It’s a different type of socializing, but it seems effective in building friendships.
I think sometimes kids just need time. If your son wants a gap year, I’d encourage him to take one. Instead of making the computer use an issue, schedule outdoor family activities. My son knows how to camp because we took him and his sister on weekend trips. It served to get all of us away from the electronics without making the electronics an issue.
I would second the recommendation for the NOLS program, especially if your son has enjoyed working at a camp this summer. He will have an outdoor experience that will benefit him for the rest if his life. Continued therapy too. Good luck!
Sounds more like he is using his time on the internet and gaming as an easy way to get pleasure instead of the greater effort required to get out and socialize with his his school peers. His success in academics speaks against this as being a full blown internet addiction and more of the path of least resistance. Either way this behavior is very isolating and fuels depression. Be wary of a year off without any sort organized plan for his time and socialization. Him living at home will be very isolating. His high school peers are all still away at college.
My CS son flunked out of college due to his internet addiction. The pleasure they can derive from surfing the net and gaming can be very enticing. Structure with verifiable limits on computer use can be helpful.
Maybe kids who spend a lot of time on the Internet should try some online classes. I’m serious. There is a lot of interaction if the class is a good one.
@mnm111 exactly! This is what I think is going on with my son. He did fine academically, so maybe this doesn’t fit the definition of a true addiction, but socially, I think he was very isolated.
Did your son go back to college? How did he manage his internet addiction?
@Massmomm my son spent last year at home going to CC. It was a tough year socially, but he did very well academically and seems to have matured considerably. We tried therapists for his internet addiction, but they were not very helpful. He now uses a system of timers to remind him when to get off the internet. This has helped. When he was away at college, he could spend many consecutive hours without even noticing how much time had flown by. I think he seems a bit empowered by the improvement in his executive function. He goes away again to college in a few weeks. I’m cautiously optimistic.
I want to echo the suggestion to think about working at a national park. I know someone in a somewhat similar situation to your son who did this for a year. It was fantastic. Work can provide an important sense of accomplishment. Nature is very important, and many of us do not spend enough time in it. Two of the main concessionaires are Xanterra and Delaware North. They provide staff who work in the hotels, restaurants, shops, etc. In many parks, like the Grand Canyon, they provide subsidized housing and food. I believe entry-level workers there pay a little under $100 per month for a dorm room or cabin. Internet is very limited and slow, if available. So it forces a suspension of that activity. It also provides a great opportunity to experience the grandeur of nature. Good luck!
If you think the video games are a cause more than a symptom of the problem, isn’t there any way to forbid or at least incentivize him not to bring his gaming equipment with him to school?
@b1ggreenca I don’t think the games are the cause, and it’s not just gaming. He also watches videos, and his computer is his work computer. His real issue is that he feels socially isolated.
Does he have a few core friends at Oberlin whom he gets along with enough to hang out with once in a while?
What was it about the theater EC at Oberlin which caused him to lose interest? Did he have any particular recent incidents which has made the excess electronic usage worse…such as falling out with close friend(s) or a breakup?
And though he did well academically, that doesn’t necessarily rule out internet/electronics addictions considering some students have the intellect/academic acumen to coast to straight As even at schools like MIT and yet, spend far more time with addictions whether it’s electronics or alcohol/partying than is good for their physical health or maintaining a balance in their lives.