Need some advice! (Be completely honest)

College Confidential Community
1

I live with my cousin and aunt whenever school is out or on vacation ( I live on campus). Over the past couple of years, I grow more and more towards not wanting to go back whenever I have breaks due some reasons but the main one is babysitting.

My cousin had her second child about 2 years ago. He’s a great kid along with her other child as well. The problem is that each time I come home for either Thanksgiving or December break or even just a weekend, she automatically thinks that I should babysit him while she goes to work or off somewhere.

40% of the time I don’t mind doing it but over Thanksgiving break, she really took even more advantage of me (I feel). The weekend before Thanksgiving I babysat for a night while she went to a wedding. I had agreed to it a couple weeks back. While babysitting, I realized that I just can’t do it anymore. She came back around midnight and I was upset because I was exhausted from school and work. The following day, I got up early so that I could go back to school when she said shes going to the store for a little bit. a) She didn’t ask me to watch him, she just up and left unexpectedly.

When I was in high school, I had to babysit and watch her first child almost everyday. I couldn’t do a lot of extra curricular activities because of this.

Each time I tell her no to watching the second child, she always wants an explanation for it and there are times where I make up stuff and leave the house just so that she can realize that I mean it. I don’t feel like I have to explain to her why but if I don’t she says that I don’t have anywhere to go or things to do so I should just watch him.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll babysit for her if she needs it but she takes advantage of me not going anywhere on weekends to leave him for me to babysit.

P.S. Her and my aunt took care of me during high school and they do not pay for my tuition in any way or help me financially anymore.

What is your advice on how to handle this?
Note: Her and I have 2 arguments about this because she gets upset whenever I say no.

2

First of all it sounds like you are fortunate that your aunt and cousin were there for your during your HS years. It is hard to repay them for doing that so some help in terms of babysitting is probably a reasonable ask and I think you know that. I might suggest that if you are feeling taken advantage of maybe the three of you can sit down together for a civil discussion and see if you can come to some kind of agreement as to what is appropriate. If that doesn’t work you might want to minimize the time you spend there. Don’t go back other than for school breaks when the dorm is closed. Maybe see about getting a job over Christmas break so you are busy. And perhaps you can find a job on campus over the summer if you don’t want to be at your aunt and cousins.

3

The way to handle it is to make other arrangements. Make plans to spend the holidays with friends. Then you just say you sadly won’t be visiting this holiday because you have been invited to do X with X, Y and Z, but you hope they enjoy the holidays. Then don’t give in if they beg you to come there instead. You are an adult now, and can choose who you spend holidays with. If you are able to finance it, you could also try some short-term study abroad programs. My daughter’s university offers them during every break, including winter break, spring break, etc. Then you could say you are not visiting because you are going on this educational trip (for credit).