<p>“I guess what I forgot to mention is that he is adamant about us not calling but as a parent I feel so outraged that no respect was given to the fact that this is HIS room too and HIS things were treated like garbage,”</p>
<p>I agree with your S. Yes, it is frustratiing and horrible to hear what your son is dealing with, but it is his responsibility to deal with it and to therefore learn the lessons that come with meeting such a challenge.</p>
<p>I have been watching my S deal with a very similar situation. It’s hard for a parent to sit on the sidelines and watch, but this is the way that we allow them to grow up.</p>
<p>sounds like a few of his freshman crowd bordering on miscreant hijinks may indeed not be there in another semester as they may also be malfunctioing and irresponsible as students…and we sometimes forget to tell our children when they leave home that it could be sophomore year or later before they find their core group of college friends…and that the in-between first year or so can be a bit of a revolving door of trial and error and happenstance re who you are thrown together with. I made a point of telling my son that the most extroverted people on his freshmen hall might not be the people he counted on the most later…that there was likely some kids he might overlook who were standing back, holding back a bit but who were going to be incredible friends once people settled in. My second son is going to college in 09, and is a bit shy…and I have talked to him about managing a certain amount of loneliness as a norm as a freshman…and being OK with having friendly relationships with others for a while rather than close friends…and that life as an adult will have lonely stretches.<br>
I am impressed that your son was doing “fine” till they went over the top and became really destructive…and your stepson was getting along with some clearly immature young men AOK. Your stepson sounds resilient and like he is OK on his own two feet and makes good judgments. As the mother of two sons, I have come across the “boy code” as well…of not ratting out crazy boy exploit behavior to parents. I like the way your stepson talked this matter over with you, and one thing you might weigh is that you should also be restrained and see how far he can handle this one on his own in order to preserve this relationship with your stepson…where he will call you up when he has hit a wall to discuss pros and cons of how to handle things. And know you won’t overreact or meddle. Example in our household was when our first year son who was a bit restrained in high school became hugely social in college, got sick, and got mono actually, and mismanaged his sleep/study hours while recovering. He had to make a decision his second semester in college to suck it up, make an apt with a Dean, and get documentation to drop a class he was almost failing…a class we had paid good money for that he finally conceded he could not complete well. He was proactive, and we felt good that he called home and admitted he was over his head and he had made a plan and faced up. He was embarrassed by this but he did call us up and was sensible. Not exactly the way he wanted to first meet an Academic Dean…but we actually had zero to do in the process. Next semester he repeated and did amazingly well, worked out often, started going to bed on time four nights a week and getting up for breakfast and assuming a body clock that made sense, and learned that college was going to be like a 9 to five job or he would flunk out.<br>
Preserve your role as trusted sounding board, I guess is my thought. You already have that great resilient kid.</p>
<p>It sounds as though your son chose a reasonable method of handling the situation. That’s good.</p>
<p>I don’t think you need to intervene, but it was probably a good idea that he talked to you before taking action. Sometimes, those kinds of conversations yield new and better ideas about how to handle a problem. But in this case, he already had a good idea.</p>
<p>I think that your son is doing a fine job of handling the situation, and as long as nothing has been stolen or permanently ruined other than posters and linens, I would not intervene in any way. if any of his valuables has gone permanently missing or destroyed, I would encourage, but not push him to bring that up as well with Res Life. It is a sad situation, but is quite common and can be a true learning experience for your son.</p>
<p>Keep this memory, and if you are still mad 3 years from now, write a letter to the editor of the school’s newspaper when he is a senior, or better yet have him write the letter.</p>
<p>Thanks, yes I too give him kudos for handling things as he has and applaud him for his obvious maturity. I spoke with him tonight, his meeting with the housing director was postponed to tomorrow morning because she ended up going home early and was not feeling well. Tomorrow even if she doesn’t go in, the other person who is her partner as head of res. life will be there and will meet with him. Will keep you posted, I have calmed down somewhat but it still peeves me to think of that bratty irresponsible behavior! I am glad he will soon be away from it and it will be done with. Thanks again everyone!</p>