<p>NYC Flux: A bit of back story…I was an emancipated minor. I’ve been financially indepedent since I was 19. I don’t quite have the exteme lack of safety net that you do but not too far off. I used to live paycheck to paycheck, sometimes I’d even make it back into the black but there were months when I lived in the red. I’ve had a car repossessed, been let go from a job (as a single parent) etc etc etc No need for pity for me just wanted to let you know where i’m coming from so…</p>
<p>When I was in that spot I can remember thinking to myself, I am smart. I have my education, and no one can ever take that away from me. You too have skills in your backpack that you can use. You are a survivor and probably always will be. So take solace in that fact. I know all about the fear of not wanting to go back to where you came from. If you’ve been poor and/or unemployed the last thing you want to do is go back to that. But remember, you aren’t that same person anymore. What’s the worst that can happen…you lose your job. Ok so that would be terrible but chances are if you know vba/excel/sql you can pick up a contract position fairly quickly. Or you could wait tables etc. The point is I get the fear, but you can’t let it consume you. I’ll also tell you something-that fear never goes away. I have probably a fair amount of savings now but that still doesn’t stop me from being cautious. Yes I do allow myself more treats these days and my lifestyle is upper middle class, but I still shop for sales, go to trader joes not whole foods, don’t spend more than $15 a bottle for wine, and eating out is usually the diner or some other relatively inexpensive place.</p>
<p>I guess what I am saying is that even with $15k in the bank the anxiety over money probably won’t go away. Rather than obsess about it, take a moment to think about all the tools you have to take care of yourself in the event the worst would happen. You hopefully will realise you have a lot more skills than someone who has never had to fend for themselves and these will hold you in good steed no matter what.</p>
<p>BTW- Post on CraigsList for tutoring services and you’ll have a ton UES parents swarming at your door. If you want some guidance on how its done, go hang out at Borders one saturday and read “Hack the SAT”. Tells you exactly how its done.</p>
<p>Oh and if you want an interesting read try “The Millionaire Next Door”</p>
<p>But if they disappear, you’ll pick yourself up and regroup. Life involves setbacks. My older D just had an unexpected setback and she has had a life that has been a straight trajectory of high achievement and success. And ya know, we know things will work out. She is pro-active and in a very short time, has some things in the fire. Sometimes, crappy things happen in life and it is a challenge but you can jump the hurdles and things get better. You are on a good streak. I hope no setbacks occur, but if they do, you can forge ahead and succeed and know that in life, crap can happen, even to the best of people.</p>
<p>NYCFlux…my PM box fills up constantly and I can’t keep up with sorting through it to delete messages. I actually don’t even really like using it as it is one more thing to check besides my personal email, two work emails, and Facebook. If you feel a need, you can click on my member name and opt to “send an email”. However, while I do not know the nature of your PM of course, I will say that I cannot handle the quantity of PMs that get sent to me from CCers asking for advice, etc. I could volunteer all day long as my job. I try to “volunteer” on CC and help students and parents (in addition to my own interests on CC) as a college counselor, though I know this is not a college counseling issue in the cafe. I try to post on certain forums on CC (this doesn’t apply to the cafe so much) in an effort to help many at one time on a volunteer basis when I can. But I can’t help on an individual basis with PMs as a volunteer as counseling/advising is what I do for my real job. As it is, I did try to help here on this thread and have lost time with my job today and need to get to my paying students and parents. If you have something you wish to tell me in an email, go ahead, but I can’t write back all the people who sent messages from CC. With the message board itself, I can participate as much or as little as I can but I can’t field all the individual emails and PMs sent to me each day. I cannot promise to write back. If you still wish to send whatever it is, please email me.</p>
<p>Sent Email. Basically elucidating some things I did not want to share here publicly. Anyways, I do think this thread has been very useful. I want to thank everyone for their input – lots of good advice here.</p>
<p>NYCFlux…I got your email and wrote you back. I knew some of your story from a prior membership name and you added some more. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>NYCFlux, if you feel that you’re spending too much and you’re doing it more often than you’d like, then simply stop doing so. Tell yourself that for the next week, month, whatever, you will only bring food from home and not eat out. I’m not quite sure why, if you feel you’re spending too much on X, you simply stop doing so? I don’t mean this harshly at all.</p>
<p>NYC - My bf and i used to eat out (and I don’t mean at like Burger King) like once a week, and we would cook foods the other nights. Now we go out to eat like once or twice a month, and cook food the other nights. We still go out from time to time, its just much more economical this day. We went out last night and the bill came to about 45 dollars, including tip. That’s about average for us… sometimes more, sometimes less… so now we have that once every couple weeks, instead of once a week. We also have declared Thursday as pack a lunch day. That one day saves us each like 25 bucks a month as we are packing instead of purchasing a lunch. We take turns packing lunch for 2. I like to pack us PB&J’s, haha! :)</p>
<p>Those are just some little suggestions, but I mean that’s saving us like 3 resteraunt meals, or about 150 bucks, and about 50 bucks on lunches. So that’s like 100 bucks each. We’re still eating the same amount of food, just not from the same sources. We also pick about one night a month where we have a dinner party at one of our houses. We invite some other couples over and cook a big dinner for everyone and playboard games. For less then the cost it would be for us to eat out that night, we can have a nice night in and feed a bunch of our friends as well. I believe one of the other couples will be hosting next month.</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter what “most people” spend on food, clothing, etc. I think your approach is asking others what you <em>should</em> spend, as opposed to deciding for yourself what you want to live on and then figuring out ways to live on that amount.</p>
<p>sstrugglingteen…
My job is online. I am self employed. I make my own hours and they are not 9-5. I have been on CC for 8 1/2 years. I am also a college counselor and so CC’s topics relate to my job, and I have many posts (not all) where I volunteer to help others, rather than just those who pay for college admissions advice. </p>
<p>I have no problem that NYCFlux posts often and am very glad he has come to get some advice as he can’t rely on his own parent for such advice. I did not question how much he posts on CC, but rather how he was able to do so in his job at an office during the work day. Ya see, I CAN do that as my job is on the internet exclusively and I work for myself and I typically work seven days and nights per week and so I may work some times and take breaks some times. If I were at a regular office job as an employee with more limited hours than my job and the job was not entirely online, I don’t think I could post during that work day so easily. That was my question, NOT how much a member posts. </p>
<p>As far as financial situation, mine is far better than NYCFlux’s and I am old enough to his parent. Without getting into details, our situation this one particular year is unusual financially and not in a good situation, but this is atypical from the life I have led to date. Not only that, but I have emergency funds at my disposal. My point was that NYCFlux has a significant income for a single person right out of school with less financial obligations than someone in my station in life and I tried to put it in perspective, not to mention that I have two kids about his age who support themselves when not in school and make less than him.</p>
<p>Worry less about what other people do and how much they spend, because the money is coming out of YOUR bank account. Like people have said–eat more homecooked meals. So much cheaper and you don’t have to tip. If you’re worried about “keeping up appearances”, learn to cook things that sound fancy. (AllRecipes.com is a great source for recipes. You can also pick up cookbooks cheaply at thrift stores.) </p>
<p>But really, anyone who tries to make you feel inferior because of a sack lunch isn’t a person worth knowing anyway.</p>
<p>I haven’t read all the posts, so maybe I’m repeating here:</p>
<p>Clothing? I remember getting suits and good clothing for cheap on the lower east side–Orchard Street. Can you still get a good suit (last year’s model) then walk down the block to get it altered for a bargain? For other everyday clothing, 14th St. can be good.</p>
<p>$ for furniture? You don’t need much. I knew plenty of people who furnished their entire apartments with stuff thrown out on the street. Also, buy used from private parties. Except the mattress.</p>
<p>I agree that your stress level towards money needs to relax. Try yoga (for free, on TV).</p>
<p>I think NYC might have prevalent bedbug problems, so I’d be careful of anything soft–mattresses, yes, but also sofas, armchairs, etc. But I think hard furniture isn’t a problem and, as sopranomom points out, you can find some really nice things for free. I found some fantastic things for my apartment just by checking Craiglists “free” section for a couple days running.</p>
<p>Hard furniture is no guarantee. Bedbugs can live in the cracks and crevices of furniture as well as baseboards. Never pick furniture off the street in New York.</p>
<p>I am going to challenge the view that one can spend based on ones own financial goals only, and ignore one’s social peers, and that all it takes is willpower.</p>
<p>Humans are, as Aristotle said, social animals. Much of what we spend our money on is goods and services that enable us to participate in a social group. And in addition, its hard to not use your social group as a standard for how hard it is reasonable to try to be frugal.</p>
<p>Humans are also, most of us, far from perfect of will. We often take the easier path, or the short sighted path. And certainly eating out is USUALLY easier than preparing food. Its great for those with the discipline to always do the harder, better path. But I don’t think that assuming everyone can leads to the best advice for those who are different.</p>
<p>Where am I leading with this? A. Many people have provided the OP with advice on HOW to make preparing meals for himself easier, etc. I think thats more useful than “just do it”.
B. I think this adds to the rationale for OP to move, ASAP, to a cheaper neighborhood. That will NOT only save him on rent. It will ALSO give him at least the beginning of a social circle different from his Ivy friends, people who will have standards and habits of spending that make more sense for HIM, given his income and safety net needs. For him, living with those high spending folks, is like someone on a diet living in a gourmet restaurant - sure to someone with perfect will power it wouldn’t matter, but for the rest of us, avoiding temptation would be the logical path.</p>
<p>I agree totally with BBD’s post. Peer group pressure cannot be discounted especially in NYC where a lot of singles don’t cook.My son jokes that whenever he gets into the elevator in his building after work, he is surrounded by takeout delivery people and the exotic smells make him extremely hungry so it is tempting just to go to Seamless Web to order something rather cooking it yourself.</p>
<p>Another budget busting venue is the bars. I am told that instead of buying a drink for yourself, most young people take turns buying a round of drinks for everyone. You may just want one drink for the night but are forced to buy 5 or 6 drinks (depending on how large your group is). One night out can easily exceed $100.</p>
<p>NYCFlux is in finance (and perhaps needs to be more social and out there to keep up the networking) and his friends are fellow Ivy classmates working in finance, this particular demographic is not known for watching their budget carefully. If NYCFlux is able to save in this environment, it is commendable.</p>
<p>I suggest that you don’t worry about saving money now and concentrate on getting a job that pays more, including a bonus.</p>
<p>cbreeze: Yeah, the demographic is basically Ivy League finance/accounting graduates. I don’t know many non-Ivy students simply due to the fact that I’m somewhat introverted and only had Ivy exposure. My girlfriend is non-Ivy (but from a decent top school, nevertheless) but she and her friends are still decently well off. </p>
<p>I try to limit my spending but it’s just hard to maintain friendships when it’s always the same old “I can’t tonight, guys” story. Even my non-Ivy friends are somewhat heavy spenders (and have no loans, for instance), or still live with their parents and don’t pay rent.</p>
<p>It’s a bit saddening because I want to “fit in” and be healthy and happy just like any other kid – but sometimes I feel like my peers and I come from completely different worlds and I feel like I can’t relate to anyone and vice-versa. I’m definitely moving when my lease is up, that’s for sure.</p>
<p>If they’re going to see shows, or to nightclubs with cover charges, then you need to say no. But you really can go to a bar with them and drink club soda. Yeah, it’s a bummer, but if they’re worth socializing with, no one is going to criticize you for that.</p>
If you’re worried about “keeping up appearances”, learn to cook things that sound fancy. (