Both the applicant and the parent are uncomfortable with the responses as written and the OP has asked for guidance. Of course, the final answers should be the work product of the applicant. There is no problem in offering suggestions, guidance, and examples.
Especially important to refine the response to question #4 as it is non-responsive.
The responses listed by OP are not written well, but do show personality.
I find this to be a teaching & learning opportunity. When someone reaches out for assistance, I prefer to offer help. The applicant should use the guidance offered to assist in refining her written responses.
P.S. It is also worthy of note that the applicant is a rising high school junior. Writing at this stage of one’s education should be much more clear and concise.