There is a backstory which I will spare you, but if:
you were offered the loan of a couples vacation home (a couple you were once close to, but now only the husbands are close), and you knew that the wife did not want to loan out the home to anyone (new to them, very very expensive home), and you knew the couple have been having disagreements about this for a year and he recently got her to agree… and you have been offered this home to use (with the exception of their master bedroom) would you use it? I feel incredibly awkward using it and am in disagreement with my spouse. Thanks for input.
I don’t want to be involved in another couple’s drama. I’d politely decline.
I’d decline because I can understand the wife’s private issues with the situation. Everyone’s version of clean is different and she knows she would have to clean everything again on her next arrival. If I knew the home was already a vacation rental or used by others I would accept on one condition, that I pay for the cleaning service that they use.
It’s very time consuming to wash all the linens and towels and clean a house upon departure. People would cut a lot of corners because they are on a time schedule to depart. So, it’s probably about people using her beds and linens and the cleaning factor. Most guys don’t get it:)
It sounds like this is an invitation that came from the husband to yours and your husband wants to take up his friends invite.
Sometimes I let my husband win the argument if it means a lot to him. I’d be inclined to pass but sometimes I know I need to let him decide what to do.
@2mrmagoo - I am with you all the way. Vacations are for relaxing. I’d rather be home. I think DH would get my perspective, but if he didn’t, I would not go. Way too uncomfortable and the last thing I want is entanglement with a friend who is now estranged. You know what is best for you. The guys can do things independently if that is the way forward.
Agree that I would only go if you can pay for the cleaners. Besides I don’t want to stay anywhere that I have to throughly clean before I go, that’s not a vacation.
Well… it sounds like your guy isn’t very sensitive to discord, and you are. Also that maybe he feels like his buddy went to the mat to make this happen, and that your hubby would now be feeling rude if he turned it down. I guess I probably would go ONCE, would carefully leave the place spotless, but would tell your hubby that this is a one time thing and you will NOT do it again because you know she isn’t happy about it.
I assume you don’t have kids to take along. If you do, I might say no – too much risk of something breaking, and then the situation gets worse.
Nope.
Not a chance. From my POV no good could come of it. I would politely decline.
Thanks all. I needed that reassurance that the backstory wasn’t clouding my view. I appreciate the input.
Agree with everyone saying not to go. Nothing good could possibly come of it, and a lot of bad could.
I’d definitely decline. But be sure to send a nice handwritten note or card to the couple expressing your appreciation for the offer. It’ll give the husband a little air cover with his wife for going to mat for your own husband.
agree with @JustaMom - no good will come of this.
As Howard Wolowitz once said, “How about it, honey? Want to get in the middle of another couple’s argument?” to which Bernadette promptly replied “No thank you.”
Seems your husband isn’t sensitive to the other couple’s dynamics. I’d bet he just sees it as a nice invitation. How did you learn the wife is hesitant? Did she say or do something in front of you?
The husband said something to my husband a week ago about his frustration that he can’t lend it out, as he feels a bit guilty about having a house like that sit empty etc.
Then a few days ago the invitation came via text. My husband takes people at their word, and I appreciate this quality. I’m more of a read in between the lines, especially when our relationship (mine, with the couple) has changed. My intuition is usually fairly strong. Knowing she really doesn’t want to let other people use the house is just one part of the myriad of reasons I don’t want to go, but alone I think it is enough of a reason.
Only you know the dynamics and how your relationship has changed over the years with the wife.
Or how picky she is. Or maybe how tired she is of washing sheets for visitors (LOL).
We have friends with a vacation house that they would happily let us use. But only because we are VERY good friends and we leave things cleaned up (sheets washed and changed, dishes washed and put away etc.)
Our friend’s house will NEVER be rented to anybody through a service. (Which is how a lot of people pay for their vacation homes–it might be part of your friend’s discussion too and part of the contention.)
HOWEVER–if my H is close friends and wants to go (maybe the location, length of stay, money savings, amenities are too good to pass up) and has a green light then I wouldn’t discount the opportunity to enjoy the property…
It might be green lighted for YOU because wife knows the place will still be in one piece when she returns and she really IS okay with it.
Based solely on the way you described it, if my H wanted to accept the invite, I’d go with.
And, I’d make sure to leave the place immaculate. As if we’d never been there.
So it isn’t personal about you. What does your husband say about you knowing she doesn’t want to rent it out? And is he willing to spend the last day there washing sheets, making sure the kitchen is clean, etc?
I wouldn’t stay in a vacation home if I knew one spouse didn’t want to let people use the home. If your H wants to go, he should go with the guys.