Need your help in my BU roommate essays

<p>It is three weeks before the start of your freshman year at BU, and you are talking to your new roommate for the first time. Since you are trying to get to know each other, what are a few things you would want to share about who you are?</p>

<p>“Hi!”</p>

<p>My prospect roommate, you will find living with a soccer fanatic. I will tell you my football life. Let us start from the time I first watched FA Premier League match. In this game, Arsenal gave me a taste of magnificent football. It dominated the game with high possession and incisive passing. All gunners (Arsenal’s player) had techniques to stick the ball at their feet. Among them, Thierry Henry is my most beloved player. By dribbling skill and creativity, he can score a goal that no one else in the world could score. Being mad on Henry and Arsenal, I got up at midnight to watch soccer game frequently even in third grade. If you have the opportunity to London, Emirates stadium (home of Arsenal) is an admirable place to feel the allure of football, though Henry has left it for years.</p>

<p>Besides watching soccer match and playing soccer, I have come up with several new ways to play football games for pleasure in recent years. After feeling tedious about traditional mode, I wanted to excavate something more interesting. This year, EA SPORTS developed a new player impact engine for FIFA 12, but it had greater promotion in match’s comicality than factuality. On social network, somebody uploaded a hilarious video about results of the engine. Inspired by that, I intended to make soccer game more entertaining. If soccer is out of control in match, player will run towards the ball automatically and ignore whatever in the path. When I set a player lie on the path, the opposite player who chased the soccer would collide with him causing him bounced about 3 meter. Different arrangements could result various effects: two players could tangle together with dancing or turn a couple of somersaults. Besides, I worked out a new function of player ability to make games more intense and found an online Football Manager league to share more delights. In the league, I can select players from database to build my dream team and plan flexible tactics to compete with Football fans from all over the world in matches.</p>

<p>Would you like to play football or FIFA 12 with me? No matter whether you are fan of soccer or not, I absolutely expect to meet you when semester starts.</p>

<p>Advise at your will. I’ll help you in return.</p>

<p>Well I honestly don’t know what they’re looking for in these essays. My personal opinion is that you focused on one thing that doesn’t really show too much about yourself. I know in the Stanford one their supplement is a pain in the ass you can tell they look into it so they’d definitely like to be able to learn about you from that one.
I like the way it’s written though you managed to mix colloquialism with formal writing which is perfect for this. It’s hard not to write too casual or too formal. I’m just not sure if you revealed enough about yourself, but let’s get a second opinion from someone who knows more.</p>