<p>cattails - I hope this initiates a process of healing… for both of you.</p>
<p>Again, thank you all for your support. I’m on southern California now, just a few blocks from my son. We had dinner together last night. He’s better than I expected, but clearly depressed. I’m so glad I came. We’ll have lunch and dinner together today and then I’ll head home. He’s continuing to see the counselor and is in touch with the Dean who is arranging for incompletes in 3 of my son’s 5 courses. DS will be able to finish the course work home after June. And he’ll be able to walk at graduation in June. </p>
<p>There are a few things I’m pondering and wonder what any one else thinks: </p>
<p>1) Graduation festivities. There are dinners & lunches for the graduating class. DS isn’t interested. My son’s other parent (my ex) is insisting on making reservations for the dinners. I’ve tried to say lets leave it up to DS. But my ex doesn’t seem to care what DS wants. Any suggestions? (let my ex go alone to the dinner and lunches - I’ll take DS and his GF out for a nice dinner? Sounds good to me but maybe a little rude). </p>
<p>2) DS switched his major at the beginning of this term. He’s been hoping that he could double major in math and CS but it was a math course he failed that killed the chance of majoring in math. He waited until the beginning of this term to switch his major to CS. I’ve been wondering if letting go of his dream of majoring in math (something he’s wanted forever) was the tipping point. He’ll only be 3 or 4 courses shy of a math major. Any words of wisdom that might ease the pain over letting go of being a math major? I mentioned a math course at a local university he could take this summer and his eyes lit up. I hadn’t seen any hope in his eyes until I mentioned the course. Though I do wonder if its too much to ask considering he’ll have 3 incompletes to finish up. Any words of wisdom? Thanks so much.</p>
<p>He can always take those three or four courses but it’s good to have the completion down for his undergrad. He could also go for a graduate degree in math.</p>
<p>As far as the issue with your ex and celebrations…I agree that I would probably let son decide. On the one hand, it is important for him to know that you all are proud of his accomplishments and do not see this semester’s problems as a failure. On the other hand, only he knows how he feels and how the dinners, etc will affect him. </p>
<p>My son also changed majors a little late in the game and dropped a major that he wishes he had stuck with. He is taking some courses this summer (graduated last week) so that if he wants grad school, he will have the required courses equivalent to a major even if it doesn’t say that on his diploma.</p>
<p>So glad your time with him has been good. I know you feel better having been able to see him and give him some hugs.</p>
<p>Just thought I’d post an update. After visiting DS, while it was clear he was depressed, I felt as if he was getting the help he needed and things would be ok. However, during the past two weeks he didn’t respond to phone calls, text messages or emails, in spite of pleas to respond with at least a word or two. Yesterday I finally got a response from him via text saying he just could not talk because he feels so bad. He’s yet to tell me if he will walk in the graduation ceremony which is in less than two weeks. He wouldn’t answer questions at all. After much thought I’ve emailed the Dean to see if I can get any answers, knowing they may not be able to tell me anything. I emailed knowing if I tried to call I’d burst into tears and wasn’t sure I could get through a telephone conversation. DS is done with classes, seniors at his school finish classes a week early - this is finals week for him. Finals need to be done by Friday of this week and there is nothing until graduation the following Friday. I’m more than ready to just go and get him and forget graduation. (I’ve asked the Dean if my son will be able to walk in graduation since DS won’t answer the question). At this point, I wish when I’d learned DS was depressed, I’d helped him get a medical leave of absence and brought him home rather than hoping he could finish up the year. I really think it would have been better to do his senior year over again in 2010-11. If I can’t get answers from DS, I’m just not sure how to approach graduation(, even if the Dean says he can walk in graduation in spite of several incompletes. </p>
<p>I posting really for myself, filling time as I wait to hear back from the Dean.</p>
<p>So, so, sorry that you and your son are going through this. If he were my son, I would go get him as soon as he is done with his school work/finals/papers. (Unless he is the one who wants to stick around for graduation.) Sometimes, you really can not go through the motions and pretend to be happy and festive. It sounds like medical care is needed right away. Also, even if he does not want to talk to you, it would be better for you to be around for support. As to x-H, his feelings are secondary to your son in this instance.</p>
<p>Ask you son to check in with a brief text or email of hi or similar on a regular basis until you see him. </p>
<p>So so sorry. I really hope that he gets some help on this. One important thing to remember is that none of what has happened so far is that big in the grand scheme of things - keep telling him that.</p>
<p>anothermom,
its been my feeling too that it may be too hard to go through the motions for graduation. (I know its hard for me to think of celebrating with the other graduates - there is a dinner and a lunch for graduates that we’ve made reservations for. I can’t imagine making small talk). I like the idea of getting him as soon as he’s done unless he really wants to walk at graduation.<br>
I’ve asked DS to check in via text or email or phone call and while he’s agreed in person, he’s been unable to over the past 2 weeks. I do keep track of some of his on-line activity (facebook and a couple other sites he frequents, so at least I know he’s there but it different than hearing from him or getting an answer to a question I have).<br>
I still haven’t heard from the Dean I emailed today - but I’m figuring the Dean may have to check in with DS before he gives me any information.<br>
I will keep telling him that this is just a bump in the road.<br>
thanks so much for the support.</p>
<p>Hope you have talked with your son and heard from Dean. Our thoughts are with you. I agree it would be very hard to go through the motions if your son really does not feel like being there.</p>