Needing mental health advice for DS

Parent Cafe
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<p>My goodness. This thread has proven one thing–your trusted family doctor, not a public message board, is the place to start when concerned about a family member’s mental heath. Vitamin D! Fish oil! Hormone therapy! Sleep apnea! A great book! Exercise! Merely recommending one’s personal favorite therapy or pseudotherapy is not terribly helpful. I defer to CC’ers for expertise in many areas, but not medical care, where the plethora of informed and uninformed opinions, while well intentioned, is confusing at best. </p>

<p>OP, I hope your son is able to find relief soon.</p>

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<p>Actually given that when many of todays Drs were in school, nutrition was about as comprehensive as citing [Healthy</a> Eating Plate and Healthy Eating Pyramid](<a href=“http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/pyramid/]Healthy”>Pyramid versus Plate: What Should the USDA’s Food Chart Look Like? | The Nutrition Source | Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health), it pays to be proactive and take responsibility to research treatments.
No one is going to care more about your health than you.
Nutritional deficiencies are common & if you can manage your health without relying on big pharma, why not? :slight_smile:
[Nutritional</a> and herbal supplements for anxiety and anxiety-related disorders: systematic review](<a href=“http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2959081/]Nutritional”>Nutritional and herbal supplements for anxiety and anxiety-related disorders: systematic review - PMC)

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<p>Agree with recommendations on how to find a therapist, but I would not underestimate the value of just being a caring family member and listening to him. Encourage him to talk over what is happening, and try to keep your own feelings and judgements in the background. A lot of um-humms and "that must be a challenge’ comments can give him a chance to vent. And just sharing the load can do wonders. Also, remind him of other stressful periods (college applications?) when he exhibited strength and stick-to-it ovness, and suggest that anyone finding themselves in this kind of challenging situation would have feelings about it.</p>

<p>Try melatonin for sleep. Health food store.</p>

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<p>My post has too many typos. My point was that a qualified medical doctor would run tests and find the cause, a psych will hand you a pill and say let me know if it works. Maybe run all these suggestions past a family doc and see what they say. Trying to navigate the different types of medical doctors can be daunting.</p>

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<p>If your insurance covers or you/he will be paying out of pocket, I have a suggestion for how to find someone to see in a city far from home and school. Go to the website of local colleges and see the names of doctors on the psychiatry staff at the colleges. My nephew is an example of a psychiatrist who has a private practice and also works part time at an LAC on their psychiatric staff. This would give him someone who has strong experience in his age group and someone who understands the stresses that college and internships can place on young adults. Especially in the summer, my guess is the physicians who help serve a smaller college may be taking private patients and could be a good fit.</p>

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<p>If getting time off from work is an issue, a professional with evening hours would be helpful. </p>

<p>I agree - exercise could helped too. John Ratey usually writes about ADHD, but I liked his book “Spark” on exercise too - [Amazon.com:</a> Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain (9780316113519): John J. Ratey, Eric Hagerman: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Spark-Revolutionary-Science-Exercise-Brain/dp/0316113514]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Spark-Revolutionary-Science-Exercise-Brain/dp/0316113514)</p>

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<p>Why does he think he’s underperforming? Has he gotten bad reviews? Has he talked to his boss?</p>

<p>What are his fears? Is he afraid that he’s not to succeed in the the internship or is he worried about succeeding in full-time employment?</p>

<p>Is he working in the same field as his degree?</p>

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<p>I think he should be seen by an internist who can first assess him physically. Perhaps there is a physical cause for his anxiety and sleeplessness. This person could then help him find a mental health provider if he needs one.</p>

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<p>OP - New jobs and co-ops can be stressful. It would hit some people harder than others. I hope your son finds some good help.</p>

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<p>I agree with peacefulmom, he would be seen quickly by a regular MD who could rule out thyroid or other issues and recommend a psychiatrist/ therapist. The MD may be able to start him on meds as well.</p>

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<p>Meds, really?</p>

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<p>Many large employers have a program that provides confidential counseling for emotional problems. Mine calls it the employee assistance program. I only bring it up because your son’s problems are work-related, and they might have a uniquely helpful perspective. And could maybe function as a referral service.</p>

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<p>From what the OP wrote in the first post I’d say to ratchet this down a bit. Before talking about taking medication, seeing a doc, quitting, etc., he should start with simply scheduling some time with his manager and just asking how the manager thinks he’s doing. It sounds as if he has some anxiety because he has a perception the others are doing better than him but if he’s really a > 4.0 GPA engineering student at a top school I doubt the others are much more capable than him. Some of them might have more experience but that’s fine and typically wouldn’t be considered an issue in the eyes of the manager because of course they know more form a practical perspective if they have more practical experience. Your S will too once he gains more experience. </p>

<p>Don’t forget that loneliness may play a part in all of this. To counteract that he should make sure he gets involved in some things where he’s at.</p>

<p>It sounds like he has self-confidence issues or at least some misplaced perceptions and these might be able to be mitigated with some actual feedback from the manager. He can first ask how the manager thinks he’s doing and then if he wants he can express his concern that he thinks the other interns might be outperforming him and the manager may have some positive feedback on that point as well - i.e. that your S is doing fine relatively speaking. Worst case, the manager may be able to guide him as to how to perform better if there really is a performance issue.</p>

<p>Maybe he just needs some information to counteract his self-confidence issues.</p>

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<p>If your S decides to use his health insurance he can call the number for behavioral health and ask for assistance in finding a therapist who can see him within a few days. The insurance rep calls various therapists and requests that that provider sees said client. That said, once your S has an appointment, even if it is not for a few weeks, he possibly will feel more hopeful and the wait may be OK.
If medication is what he is thinking than I would suggest a NP who could do talk therapy as well as non complicated meds.
Best thoughts his way.</p>

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<p>I find myself, interestingly, in sympathy with riprorin and GGD. He’s in a stressful situation, and it’s not going well. How does that make him in need of medication? Did this situation set off some sort of biological change in him?</p>

<p>I totally understand the need of someone to talk to, be it family, friend, or therapist. But I’m flummoxed by the idea that one’s brain needs modification because something in life is legitimately difficult to deal with.</p>

<p>But I guess that’s the new normal.</p>

<p>PS-- when my H was an in-house pediatrician, enormously stressed by the exigencies, real, not imagined, of keeping babies alive on not nearly enough sleep and in a broken healthcare system, and he voiced the issues of how impossible it was as it was being run to his colleagues, the answer was not to change the system, but yes, that he should “take meds, like everyone else does.” He quit medicine.</p>

<p>Not saying, of course, that your S should quit what he’s doing, just that someone needs to question a world where impossible situations are justified with “take meds.”</p>

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<p>How has your son handled transitions in the past? Summer camps? Starting high school? Starting college? Did you ever move to a new area?</p>

<p>It’s a great skill to learn. Transitions happen throughout our lives and to learn to navigate them is a tremendous skill. </p>

<p>There have been great suggestions on this thread. Exercise, joining groups, joining a church, forcing yourself to call others to do things, talking with his supervisor about his job performance. It is so hard but we all do it and we all survive.</p>

<p>Homesickness hurts. Physically and emotionally. We all want what’s familiar.</p>

<p>I wish him and you the strength to work through this.</p>

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<p>Thank you to all for your responses! I have not been able to respond until now.</p>

<p>So many of you had very helpful suggestions. It was a great place for me as a mom to start, using information that was helpful to his situation, and disregarding what does not seem applicable to our situation. Having never been through this before, it is great just to have a bunch of different ideas of where to go from here.</p>

<p>He is a healthy, slender kid who exercises daily (which I have reinforced to him). He has to share a bedroom with another student who snores, which ends up waking him up in the night. As many of you know, nighttime is a terrible time where everything seems worse and bigger, making it hard to get back to sleep (in addition to the racket of a snorer). He is clearly not getting enough sleep. Has been taking melatonin and following suggestions for sleeping presented here.</p>

<p>He has utilized the employee assistance program that is provided by his father’s employer. He interviewed the first recommended therapist, but that didn’t seem like a good fit, so he called back for another recommendation. The second therapist sounds much better suited to his situation, and he is scheduled to visit in the next few days. I think he just needs someone face-to-face to help him problem solve some of these issues, so I am glad he will pursue this option.</p>

<p>You all nailed it. He is homesick, and lacks his support system in his new place. He probably does not handle transitions as well as he could, so hopefully he will learn some ways to do so. </p>

<p>His supervisor has very little time or advice for him thus far, and I think he wants to proceed cautiously in approaching her with any issues. I have reinforced to him that the supervisor knew everything about him, interviewed him, and selected him among everyone else, so he shouldn’t worry so much about how he measures up to others. But I agree much of this may be his perception versus the manager’s perception.</p>

<p>The two issues that are hardest: (1) he (seemingly) has less education than others and not enough to complete some of the proposed projects and (2) sleeping with a snorer (although this one person will be gone at the end of the summer) which interrupts his sleep.</p>

<p>He is still having lots of hard days, but is enjoying the new surroundings and has had some okay days, so that’s progress.</p>

<p>Thanks for all the good wishes!!</p>

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<p>Do you have the ability to do skype with your son? If you can use audio or video too… better yet. Sometimes it is just nice to have a connection.</p>

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<p>Ear plugs can be very helpful at eliminating sounds, including snoring. Glad your S found a therapist who will see him so soon. Hope they make quick progress</p>

<p>I think it’s not unusual for perfectionist engineers to feel under qualified initially. Our S had some such feelings when he started his job because he had had much more classroom work than actual field work. He did two summer internships plus worked in the lab part time JR and SR year. Interviewer considered his experience to have been two years. S did get some orientation and training. Fortunately, he has learned to transition and adapt quite well, so he has fit in pretty well at work, where he has now been for two years</p>

<p>Best of luck to your son!</p>

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<p>Momlove, so glad you came and updated us. My H has had a stressful year at work and has had trouble “shutting things off”. Rumor is that his roommate also has a snoring problem but I can’t believe that is true ;). He found that listening to books on tape or podcasts helps turn off his mind. He plugs in a simple mystery book and he is asleep in 5 minutes. I checked and they also have sleep sounds for your iPhone. Those could be helpful too. My D has had loud roommates also and found putting her earphones in helped a lot. </p>

<p>Internships can be tricky. Companies want interns but the supervisors are BUSY and then they have to find things the interns can do and supervise them. Some people do better than others. S was lucky to have internships where it was easy and sometimes that happens. His first internship had full time employees to help the interns, lots of interns and specific tasks for them to do. His second was the same, they had permanent interns and specific tasks for them. </p>

<p>D was not so lucky. Her firm hadn’t had interns in years. They were busy and didn’t have specific tasks for them. All of their work was on some 3d modeling program, which one of the interns didn’t know how to do. So his task was to learn the program. D knew it so she was able to complete more tasks but it was hard for the other intern. H told her to keep plugging away and the summer got better as they knew her and what she could do and she could suggest tasks she knew she could do also. She’s graduated now but sometimes her tasks are looking over flow charts to make sure they are correct. Not that much fun but something that has to be done. </p>

<p>This was a long winded way to say that internships are hard and how your S is feeling is not unusual. It’s also hard when you are homesick and overwhelmed. I’m sure it will get better, it did for my kids. S found that joining a work group helped, he joined a bowing league even though he is not a bowler and not his idea of fun. D worked out at a gym and she found classes to take. But it takes time. He will get there. Hang in there.</p>