Nervous about summer internship and life

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hello parents of CCers, </p>

<p>I have an internship with a tech company on the West Coast that has always been in the list of tech companies that I’ve always wanted to work for. I was really excited about the opportunity; however, about a few days ago (I have about 3 days until my internship starts), anxiety started to kick in, and now, I’m just scared to start my internship. </p>

<p>This is not the first internship I’ve had. I feel like I’m having some fear about this internship because my previous internship experience wasn’t … good in some aspects. At my previous internship, almost everyone I worked with was way older than I was, so I felt isolated/out-of-place because so many people there – even the interns – were simply so much older than I was. The professional relationships I established with my coworkers were, for the most part, better than I expected, but there wasn’t much beyond that. I also had issues getting along with my room mate, who was from a different country and more than 10 years older than I was. So, I ended up hanging out with people from my school at different companies. The situation just felt a bit awkward. </p>

<p>I’m nervous that something similar will happen with this internship. I’m not so scared about the work - I know that companies generally don’t overwork interns, but I’m anxious that I won’t be able to get along with interns there … and I feel that my anxiety may end up interfering with my ability to connect with others. I’ll have a room mate again, who from what I understand is about as old as I am. But … based on my experience in school, many people who are in the tech industry enjoying partying and bars, which I don’t really care for, even though I’m 21. I really enjoy the outdoors (running and hiking!) … I’m preparing for a half-marathon that I plan on running with a few others I know in a different state later this summer… but the passion for the outdoors seems to be an anomaly in the tech industry. And I know I have to take some time out of weekends to study for the GRE Computer Science test, because I plan on applying to grad school this upcoming fall, and I hear that the test is challenging to prepare for. </p>

<p>I know that my time as an undergrad is running out, and even if I do get into the grad schools I like, my time as a student is also running out and that real life is just around the corner. My parents aren’t getting any younger - in fact, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer earlier this week - and my mom is starting to bring up other life issues like dating and meeting girls, which is almost absurd because she was against dating when I was in high school. There are girls who I like at school, but I’ve never put too much thought or time into it, because in college I put so much time into school, research, and extracurriculars … I find it really difficult to manage my time and schedule, and I try my best. I had some trouble with school during my second year, but my grades have steadily rebounded from those lows. But the most important thing is that I really don’t want to lose focus during this “final” stretch of my career as a student. I want to go out with a bang … but, as I’ve learned in college, studying isn’t life, and there’s so much to life after studying… I still don’t know where I’ll end up and who I’ll be close to … people go so far and in so many different paths in life after college! But … I don’t want to end up … alone … in the real world after my time as a student ends … and I definitely fear about this because before college, I’ve never really been one of the “popular kids” … and I’m not really all that popular even in college.</p>

<p>What can I do to “lower” the anxiety that I have for this summer with my upcoming internship and life after school? I know that I have it better than a lot of people my age … there are students at my school who don’t even get interviews for internships … But it really scares me to not know what to expect even a year or two down the road. I’ve always been the type of person who plans ahead… but there are so many things in life … career, money, people, etc … this confusion with life definitely is contributing to my anxiety, I think.</p>

<p>Thanks for your time and advice! I would really appreciate some insight with all of your wisdom gained from life experience… and apologize in advance if my post seemed a bit unclear and disorganized …</p>

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<p>This is a time when a lot of students are nervous about the same things you are. You sound like you have a good, steady sense of yourself. Maybe more mature than some peers your age, in fact. As you already know from your past internship, the experience is not always what you expect it to be. The best thing about that is that you always learn SOMETHING – maybe you learn what you don’t want in a job or a roommate, but that is still learning. </p>

<p>What is the worst that can happen this summer? An internship like last year where you don’t connect with too many co-workers, and don’t connect well with your roommate… it is only a 10-12 week experience, so that is okay. And you will still have something good on your resume to help with your job search next year. Another thing that is in your favor… Computer Science is a field where experience counts for a lot (one year of bad grades probably isn’t too big a deal, it is very much a “what have you done lately” field). And maybe it will be better than that.</p>

<p>I think you are pretty well positioned for the current economy, and don’t worry about finding friends. Even if this summer doesn’t go so great, when you have a “real” job you can look into joining local hiking clubs or running clubs to find new friends. Good luck, you will have a good summer! Report back to us in a few weeks and let us know how it is going.</p>

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<p>Not a parent but I wanted to respond as I went through/am still going through all of this. All of this is normal and I think that there’s a stage of life after college for the next 5-10 years which is very uncertain for most people; some people face professional challenges, others personal, and some face both. So you shouldn’t think that you’re the only person feeling this way. My advice is clich</p>

4

<p>Everyone feels some anxiety about starting a new job. Nothing for it except to plunge right in and don’t be afraid to ask others for guidance on how to handle a situation that is new and/or uncomfortable. </p>

<p>On the personal side, some companies have a more social culture than others. Attend those after work gatherings, office parties and let people know that you’d welcome company when you head to lunch - as a way of identifying people who have interests more in line with yours. Once you find a few people, they will introduce you to others and you’ll be fine. In the meantime, where ever you are living, there are clubs that draw people who share your interests. Check them out too. And the best way to meet interesting women is while doing the things you enjoy most - so you can share them. </p>

<p>Consider this an adventure - there will be down days, days where you don’t connect, days when you screw up, days when you wonder if you’ve made a mistake choosing x instead of y. Don’t be too hard on yourself on those days - everyone else has them too and they do pass. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Ditto M’s Mom. Consider it an adventure. Every new job start (or club for that matter) has anxiety and a breaking in period no matter how prepared you think you’re going to be for it. I never started a new job without angst. As years went on I learned that was the norm for me—no matter how much I knew I would eventually love my new job, those first days (or weeks) weren’t necessarily the best. I chalk it up to the learning curve for any new position.
If you don’t seem to find people with the same outside interests as you, ask around! Tell people what you do like to do even though it doesn’t fit your profile of them.Just because they don’t love running doesn’t mean they don’t know a marathoner. You may be surprised to find how small the world is at times and how much people love to help others connect.
And as for older people–one of my best friends has a good 30 years on me–we had the best parties and the best times!</p>

6

<p>I am impressed that you put yourself out there to try internships with new people across country. My son stayed on college campus for his internships. For some people, a short change of scenery is a adventure. Others know they are reserved, and the adjustment phase takes weeks.
The happiest scenario is when you go to a company with lots of interns and a social environment. It can take just one leader, a person who offers suggestions for evening or weekend activities. If there is no “social director”, then try to step up. Go to lunch room, ask about dinner plans, try to connect with a few others who are also new to the setting.</p>

7

<p>S2 starts an internship tomorrow. He’s nervous too. He’ll be the only intern/young person there. He’ll be living alone in an unfamiliar town in a rural area. I know he’s very apprehensive about how it will go. We’re hoping that the people he’s working for will put him at ease and he will settle into a routine. The one bright spot for him is that he’ll only be about thirty minutes from his college town so can go over on weekends to spend time with friends who are there for the summer.</p>

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<p>In life, you can change some things and not others. Worrying about the things that you can’t change is generally unproductive. In general, you can deal with problems as they arise - there isn’t a need to think about all of the potential problems - many or most which won’t materialize.</p>

<p>Do you have any relatives in the area where your intern is? Perhaps a visit with them might make you feel more comfortable.</p>

9

<p>You don’t mention the state or area of your internship, but I can reassure you based on my son’s experience with tech companies in Silicon Valley that your internship has the potential to be a fantastic experience. Most large tech companies treat their interns really really well. They have established internship programs with activities both during work hours (pretty much mandatory) and outside of work hours (optional) that will keep you busy and engaged. Is there an intern section on this company’s website? I’ve seen many pages of videos and forums for interns at specific companies (Intel, NetApp, Cisco, etc) that give a lot of information for new interns. Is there a Facebook page for this summer’s crop of interns at this company? Maybe you can start one if there isn’t one already.</p>

<p>If you’re a rising senior, you’re likely to find many interns your age. Some of them are going to self-confident, but some of them are going to be unsure of where they fit in - just like you. Some of them are going to enjoy partying, and others are going to be runners like you or will have other activities they enjoy - you’re likely to find one or two people share your interests.</p>

<p>You have a lot going on in your life right now with your father’s diagnosis and planning for GREs and grad school. Can you view this summer as a chance to relax a bit, do something you enjoy doing (I’m assuming you enjoy computer science), check out a potential employer, and see a new area of the country? Let the future go a bit, and think of all you’ve accomplished so far. You’ve done well to get an internship where many of your friends haven’t been so fortunate . Best of luck to you.</p>

10

<p>^ I agree with vballmom’s post. I’m also from Silicon Valley, where students commonly come to intern from all across the country. Many people involved in technology out here are heavily into outdoor sports, from biking to running, hiking, mountain climbing, and so on. </p>

<p>I’ve always thought the key to happiness is the ability to enjoy the moment. Try not to be anxious about what might happen next week, next month, next year, or a decade from now. You’re headed west to learn some new skills with a new group of people. Focus on the good things you encounter each day.</p>

<p>Since this is the West Coast you’re going to, you might also check out a meditation or yoga class to help with the anxiety. They abound…</p>

11

<p>I am sure it will be a wonderful opportunity . You will have some of the best weather in the world , and great people are attracted to California . Being nervous and anxious doesn’t lead to anything productive no matter what stage of life you are at !</p>

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<p>Was in Silicon Valley last year. This year, I’m in Seattle. I must say that I will be enjoying the 0% income tax in the State of Washington. The State of California seems to have an absurdly high state income tax.</p>

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<p>Nope. Did have this last year, though. </p>

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<p>I’ve heard that it matters for grad school. My low was pretty low (~3.1), but every semester since then my semester GPA has edged up .2-.3 points from the previous one. </p>

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<p>The company I worked for last summer was definitely not social. They only organized a social in the afternoon during the first week and midway through took us to a baseball game and had everyone do a group volunteering activity on a afternoon towards the end of the internship. Some companies in the tech field do so much more. The company I’m at this summer is also not known to be very social. In fact, I don’t think that they do much community service. </p>

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<p>I actually hung out some times with Cisco interns last summer. They had an incredibly social environment - weekly activities and “bullpen”-style offices full of interns. I almost accepted their offer because of this … though the mass layoffs at the company last summer and the relatively low benefits and pay (their hourly salary given to me was 30% lower than the company I worked at last summer and this summer) eventually led me to decline their offer. </p>

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<p>I am fairly introverted, especially when I’m around strangers. How might I approach this if people know each other already? </p>

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<p>I really hope to get to know these types! :smiley: I just get the vibe that people in this field like partying and alcohol … perhaps it’s because of the school I go to.</p>

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<p>UPDATE: </p>

<p>Hey parents, </p>

<p>I’m about 3 weeks into my internship. I really like it. The work is challenging and engaging, and the interns at this company are pretty social. I’m really trying hard to hold up my part as well socially - I’ve tried organizing a hiking trip in the mountains and a go-karting social, though I try hard to toe the line between being social and having time to myself, which I still enjoy. I’ve also managed to find another intern who likes running and will be running with him to train for the Seattle Half-Marathon. The interns in Seattle, not just at my company, party hard, and which I try hard to avoid without coming across as being weird or antisocial. It’s just that even without parties or getting drunk, I’m usually out of my apartment during the entire day on Saturday and Sunday. That, keeping up with household tasks (groceries, laundry, cooking etc), being at work for about 10 hours a day, and studying for the GRE is really draining mentally, physically, and financially (I also try hard to save money … like 50% of my income)</p>

<p>Though I have to admit that not all is going perfectly. My parents want me to call home every night (they don’t realize my life isn’t easy and my job isn’t a 9-to-5 one), which sometimes isn’t possible because of the 3 hour difference. This was especially true this weekend … a group of interns decided to go out for a movie on Friday night after work and I didn’t get back till after 11, hiking on Saturday went from 9 to 11, and on Sunday after go-karting and lunch, i had to take care of household stuff. Today, I called home and my parents freaked out … they complained that I didn’t care about family and that I was too risky (I had rented a car over the weekend to help drive to events) then turned the phone off on me. I also get the feeling that my dad’s cancer treatment is not going too well, but my mom has not been upfront about it at all and I’ve been too distant from home to tell for sure. There’s also added stress because my sister is taking 2 spring term math classes and is not doing well at all in them (if she continues this way, she will end this semester with a semester GPA of around a 2.5).</p>

<p>I guess what I mean to say is that I feel like I’m struggling with balancing my life out. I know I have a lot on my plate and I’m trying to take advantage of what life has to offer. I’ve never been a social kid before and I’m trying really hard to get to know people. I know that I’m 21 and basically this is my time now to take advantage of life. However, I’ve always been pretty close with my parents and I don’t want this summer to destroy that (and I really don’t think that I’m that wild for someone in college) … I’ve always valued my close relationship with my parents, but it’s becoming difficult to maintain because of the time zone difference, distance, and my work/life schedule. </p>

<p>What can I do to better strike a balance?</p>

14

<p>Call home every night?
Wow- I think they are way spoiled.
Do they have a smart phone? Perhaps you could text every other day.
Does your company have any non profit organizations they sponsor?
Volunteering with them could introduce you to different people or see a different side to ones you already know.
I volunteer with People for Puget Sound and have been working to clean up the Duwamish River. Many people don’t realize Seattle even has a river!
You might feel too tired on weekends to get involved, but working outdoors could be a refreshing change from your workweek.
[Opportunity</a> Search](<a href=“The Best Volunteer Opportunities in San Diego | VolunteerMatch”>The Best Volunteer Opportunities in San Diego | VolunteerMatch)</p>

<p>Do you like music? What kind? Seattle has lots of different venues to hear music especially in the summer.</p>

<p>I also think you need to moderate your expectations of how much you can do.
You are very, very young and have enough time to move through your life at the speed that is comfortable for you.</p>

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<p>It sure sounds like life is good, which it should be. At the same time, your schedule sounds exhausting. (keep in mind, I’ve been out of college for a REALLY long time.) Work, running, studying, activities/parties on the weekends… and then worrying about your parents and sister.</p>

<p>In order to strike a better balance, it seems you have to practice a dirty little word. “No!” Or “sorry, not tonight” or “how about next weekend?” because you’re forgetting how important other non-internship parts are to life. I’m not saying you need to call home every night, unless that’ll help your dad feel better, but I don’t think it’s so crazy-important to join every outing either.</p>

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<p>I’m lucky to get a phone call once a week, lol!</p>

<p>My kids often call as they are walking from one place to another. It keeps the phone calls a manageable length. Maybe you can do some multi tasking like that. I mean, how much can have happened in the last 24 hours since you talked to your parents?</p>

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<p>Thanks for the update! Glad you are having such a great experience.</p>

<p>I was about to say (before I read to the bottom) it looks like you are not only worried about your internship, but about your family. Your update confirms this.</p>

<p>Two of my CS boys interned at West Coast “dream company” firms and I was so happy to know they were doing well and having a great time. I never would have expected a phone call every night! An occasional call, or text, was about it. Or I would see their posts on Twitter or FB and know what they were up to (if I couldn’t decipher the jargon, at least I knew they were alive.)</p>

<p>Maybe just text your parents every day? Try to live a balanced life. :)</p>

<p>Sending thoughts and prayers for your father!</p>

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<p>Everybody has thier own ways of dealing with distress. You need to find your own way, our advice might not help. My D. tends to get that way. She has discovered that she needs to be out of her apartment with people. So, if she needs to study, she just goes to the library and study there, it helps. If this is not available, she would meet up with some of her friends or even talk to some on a phone. But she knows who will help and who will make it worse. As her condition usually starts actually being around some people, who she calls “intense”. So, knowing what triggers it and avoiding the trigger as much as you could and knowing how to stop it are the things that you have to figure out for yourself. It is different form person to person. What keeps me personally happy every day is good amount of chocolate every morning and huge amount of exercise in a evening, I stick to both religiously. The best is early morning swim, but you might not like it. Again, it is very personal.</p>

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<p>“I can’t call every night because my schedule is variable. I’m so excited to have friends to do stuff with!!! How about I text once a day and call every week at a set time?”</p>

<p>When my freshman went off to school 1000 miles away, we only asked for a long weekly call at a set time. I think that is more than what is required for a 21-year-old, although parents love you and want to hear from you all the time. I talk to my mother more than weekly, and I think it’s great that you want to keep close ties. However, “call every night” is tied too closely.</p>

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<p>To the OP, I missed this thread the first time around, but I can give you some parental advice on calling etc. I think a call every day is unreasonable on the part of your parents. That said, you can not say to them that they are unreasonable (insulting). What you can say is that you have limited time, time zone issues etc., and that they should have respect for your lifestyle as you do for their needs. Tell them (don’t ask - you are an adult) what works for you, and I think the daily text with weekly set call is reasonable, and that is that. If they do not respect your needs, you should tell them that they are coming off that way, and that they should think about what they ask.</p>

<p>Although you did not say, and I do not really ask, I am wondering if your parents come from some “old country”, and have a different view on respect for the individual than might be common “American” ideas. I know that in many cultures from the old country, you are expected to do whatever your parents ask, and this is a big source of conflict, especially when viewed with a more permissive “American” eye to common behavior. You may have to educate the parents a bit. In my experience, all that a demanding parent will do with their demands is drive away their child.</p>

<p>Best of luck to you.</p>