Being MOB has its ups and downs. It’s not 100% nirvana.
DD is getting married.
But my hope is that DS finds that SO…he is a wonderful person. Just hoping.
Both DD’s have said they would like to get married. D2 says she does not want children, but she has just finished college so she may change her mind. D1 definitely wants kids, so hopefully I will get to be a gma.
Being MOB is more about stress than fun. If the couple asks you to help with the wedding planning, you have lots of work to do and you’re as stressed out about the planning as they are – maybe more. If they don’t ask you to help, you worry a lot about whether they’re getting everything done at the right times. All of this goes on for a year. The wedding is one day. It doesn’t seem worth it.
I’m delighted my daughter is marrying the guy she’s been with for 5 years. They are well suited for each other, and it should be a very good marriage. But the wedding part? Yuck.
As for grandchildren, that’s my kids’ decision. What I would like best – to be a hands-on grandparent who can truly help out the young parents (who, in my experience, would need all the help they can get) and truly get to know my grandchildren at the same time, will not happen for geographic reasons, even if my daughter and her guy decide to have a child. They live 2000 miles away! And like you, OP, I’m getting older. I’m 62 and I have a messed-up knee. Even now, I couldn’t supervise a toddler outdoors because I can’t run, and I’m not sure whether I could safely carry a child up or down a flight of stairs. So even if I lived in the same neighborhood, I would be of limited use.
None of us will have all of life’s experiences, and many of us will miss out on things that we would have particularly enjoyed. That’s a hard thing to accept, but I’m working on it.
My MIL never got to be MOB but that’s because she had 3 sons 
Kids were supposed to be part of my picture but now that my health has tanked, we have no idea. I am my mom’s only (her step D, my sister, has essentially cut us out of her life) so she only has one shot for grandkids. I do feel a pang of guilt that I might never be able to give her any.
I know this isn’t particularly helpful but my dad’s mom (step mom) never had any kids. Never wanted any. She married my grandpa when he had 4 young adult sons and she has been the most incredible grandma.
My mom keeps her baby fever in check by babysitting the neighborhood kiddos. She’s VERY close to her former neighbor and has been in her son’s life since before birth. That’s essentially her grandchild in all but name.
It’s ok to feel deprived or disappointed. It’s ok to grieve a little about dreams that you had that won’t come true. I’m sorry that it doesn’t look like you will have some experiences that you hoped for.
It doesn’t sound like you are wallowing in self-pity or casting blame, either of which would be a problem. Some days you can look on the bright side and think of things to do and opportunities that you have to enjoy life. But some days you are allowed to feel a little sad. We all have those days, just about different things.
I have watched a friend find creative outlets for her grandma urges. She babysat regularly and became a nanny for a long stint with one family. She befriended young moms and came alongside them to offer craft time with their children.
She privately grieved for the grandchildren she was told she would never have. But she graciously accepted her fate and never pressured her children. I am proud of how she handled her situation, and she truly loved engaging with the children she babysat.
Oh, and a decade later, she has precious grandchildren of her own.
I have complete sympathy for you, @morrismm . I have only one child, an S. I would have loved to have had more children. I have a lot of unsatisfied mothering urges. 
I try to conceal from S the fact that I am desperately hoping for grandchildren. He and his GF --they have lived together for almost a year–are here this weekend, and yesterday I asked him–in private!–kind of lightly if he thought they would get married. His response was to say that he “plans” to marry and have children. He was deliberately speaking generally, which I completely get. I just smiled and said that was nice. This is the only time we’ve really spoken about it: I do manage to restrain myself.
In the meantime I will get to host two of my great-nephews for a week or so in August. They are a bit of a handful, but I am more accustomed to boys than their grandmother, my sister, and we have a good time playing board games together, hunting for sea glass on the beach, and so forth. I also work on civilizing them a bit. Last year the older one came to what their parents call Consolation Camp, and they said that when he got home he was sitting up at the table, putting his napkin in his lap, not putting his elbows on the table, and holding his fork correctly. I think this lasted maybe a couple of weeks, LOL. Actually, their mother, one of my nieces, and I have a very good relationship, and she has sent her dogs AND her sons to me for training, LOL.
My mother died at 53 before the first of 6 grandchildren was born. She wanted to be a grandmother but never got to. One poster laments her chances based on relationships that have failed or no interest in marriage. Well, at least her kids have experiences with romance. My 27 year old has never had a GF nor do I see one in the near future- his personality and working with 90% (or more) males. Met my H near age 30, my first boyfriend, and had only kid at 36. If he follows his parents path it is way too soon.
Know so many women with various stories. College friends never married or had kids. Fertile people for whom children would be deemed their only accomplishment. Woman who feels her D-s needed to have children so she could be a grandmother while she was young enough to do whatever she feels being a grandma entails. Couples who were lousy parents (my B) and produced three kids. Life just isn’t fair.
I’ll add my mother in law- her kids came to the US so it was trips here from India to see grandchildren. Foreign country, different language and ways of doing things. Certainly not what she expected when married off at age 18.
I’m in a similar situation. It gets worse when I look at my old high school friends’ posts on facebook - many married very soon after high school and so have over a decade head start on me in the reproduction race.
But my kids are scattered across the country, so even if they did have any plans to marry or have children, I wouldn’t get to spend much time with them anyway.
Funny timing - today I got a message from my son in Beirut - he thinks he’s found “the one.” Time will tell. He falls hard for girls and then usually ends up disappointed.
My kids are single and as far as I know have no serious romantic partners. They are are 27 and 29. Their dad and I married when I was 28 and he was 43, so it may be awhile.
I have grand nieces and a grand nephew whom I enjoy. My sister is a grandma and helps watch them a few days/week. All her 3 Ds are happily married. None of my other 5 sibs have anyone engaged. My BIL’s D just announced her engagement but no projected wedding date or location.
There were a lot of single 20+ males and females at niece’s wedding last night.
I understand your disappointment, but don’t give up hope. My D who’s getting married is >30. She would like to have children, but health problems make that unlikely. Dh &I hope she and FSiL will be open to adoption, but won’t say anything unless asked.
I agree with previous posters that being MOB is stressful and not always much fun. Wedding planning has brought out the worst in my D and I cannot wait until the wedding is over.
I will welcome partners and grandchildren if they appear. I know my daughters would like to have partners. D1 has said many times she doesn’t want children; D2 has said she does. I will neither push nor resist.
I too have one child. I would have liked more, but health issues interfered. Meanwhile, previously I mentioned that he and his long time g/f broke up. We had talked of engagement rings, and she definitely wanted children. Her family was wonderful. There was another thread about getting attached to the SO, and I definitely cried and mourn her.
Life goes on. Next weekend I will be visiting son and meeting the new g/f.
Back to theme of thread. I worked in a hospital thru my 30’s. Many male peers got married @ 40, and women got pregnant after 35. Lots of adoptions in my family. Adoptions are a wonderful gift.
The only truly happy thing that takes place in a courtroom.
I had my kids in my 30’s when I felt ready. Now, however, as I near 60 and none of my kids seem inclined to having children, I feel sad and wish I’d had my kids younger. I had my first two kids before I married and only got married at that point to give H health insurance and a say in our lives in an emergency. The thought of my parents deciding if my life support should be shut off if I stayed single pushed me over the edge. When I met H, we were 22 and 25. We married 11 years and one week after meeting. I guess I am saying that I would be okay with kids before marriage, as long as my child was self-supporting.
Oldest son is 27, gf of 9 years is 2 years younger. She grew up in a very dysfunctional family and doesn’t want kids. A few years ago, a HS friend of theirs got a girl pregnant. When S’s gf showed me a picture of the baby, I cooed and asked what the baby’s name was and she said “Remember to use your birth control!” D is 25 and keeps saying she will adopt, but I am not a big fan of adoption. Her current bf wants kids and I hope he can change her mind. My next 2 younger sons have never really had any relationships, with either men or women, and I am afraid they will start receiving social security still living in my basement. S17 has had a couple of gf’s but swears he HATES children and wants none. He is only 18, so time can tell.
If I don’t have grandkids by the time I retire, I will volunteer for one of those programs where you go to the hospital and hug babies and read to them.
I think some of you need to spend a few weeks in the Salt Lake suburbs. Just a few minutes in Target makes me tired. Grandmas are 40 LOL.
I’m in the same boat @morrismm. I don’t expect any grandchildren and hoping for them seems a bit counterproductive. In fact, DD won’t date anyone who wants kids, but she is only 24. If it happens, I will be thrilled but also happy my kids don’t have the stress of a child. I will live my life and allow them to live theirs.
I didn’t think I want children either. We were married for 5+ years before we decided to have D1. It really just came over me that I wanted to have a child. I still remember when I told my colleagues at work that I was pregnant, they were all surprised because they really didn’t see me as a nurturing mother type. Having kids brought out a softer side of me. I always said having kids were the best thing I ever did in my life. I feel it is my biggest accomplishment. I tell my kids that all the time.
FWIW, many of the people I know in academia didn’t have kids until at least their mid-30s. Many later than that. It wasn’t the plan for most of them to wait that long but that’s life.
My doctor friends are in the same boat.
My sister at 30 has decided that she wants children after a lifetime of “no, absolutely not!” (I do fear that if she does have a child, my parents and I will never know him/her.) Her fiance is in his mid-40s.
This is not to the OP, but just a general statement: my parents have been incredibly supportive of whatever we want to do. Not have kids? Ok a little sad but that’s your choice. Adopt? Great! Have bio kids? Great! Mr R’s family on the other hand basically expected us to be baby makers as soon as we got married. (This applied to all 3 kids.) They haven’t respected the fact that I’m dealing with a lot of challenges so it’s at the point where we’ve left them completely in the dark about what we’re going through for a potential pregnancy.
Essentially, they make it seem like it’s my fault that I’m not providing them grandchildren- as though that was my only purpose for marrying their son.
I don’t think anyone in this thread is doing that. Not at all. But maybe there are lurkers. It’s a cautionary tale I guess.
Also re: MOB. Weddings and planning suck. I loved my wedding but part of me really wishes we would’ve just eloped.