New 3.0 to 3.3 (GPA) Parents Thread

Parents Forum
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<p>PinotNoir - I just saw your post. Thank you for chiming in. You are absolutely right that there are many helpful bits all over CC, and very nice people. You are absolutely right that anyone wants to see their child have as many possible options and chances for rewards like scholarships and other perks.</p>

<p>Having spent about half my life in the urban/suburban northeast and the other half in the rural Midwest, I will say that for me the time has come when worrying obsessively about a 3.9 instead of a 4.0, or a 720 instead of a 730 is of no interest to me. Having had a top student for my 1st D, and being one myself, I just don’t think it’s relevant in life. Some of my colleagues from my top university are CEOs of big companies, or college presidents. Some are poets, or working in “some job” somewhere. I just can’t get worked up about that kind of hair-splitting. My H put himself through that same top university, and went to a state med school, then a top-ranked training program. Now he deals with the ping-pong between the “status” of academic vs. community medicine on a daily basis. If he based his self-esteem on where he stood on that scale, as so many do on their kids’ college choice (or even their test scores!), he’d be a wreck. He knows what he’s chosen, what he values, and he’s comfortable. But the pressure those kinds of attitudes and conversations put on him along the way was sometimes overwhelming.</p>

<p>Of course people have good intentions and care in all of these threads. But I prefer to read threads on this subject specifically because it’s about the person, the individual, who isn’t trying (or maybe even able) to conform to an externally defined notion of success. Instead, they’re trying to find meaning and relevance for themselves.</p>

<p>Kids are all different, and there are no easy answers or routes to anything, whether you “make it” in the top tier, or “settle” for a less-known, lower-ranked school. There are currently threads on CC that would make anyone paying a penny for a private school of any kind feel ashamed of themselves, that it’s a huge waste of money. It can’t be that simple.</p>

<p>What I know about this second child of mine is that she has to follow her own path, and it has to be about meaning for her, not external standards. And the outside world won’t necessarily appreciate her talents and gifts, so she both needs to express them well and find places that fit what’s best for her. These threads here are the only place I can talk about that.</p>

<p>I’m not telling you what to do or even disagreeing with you; I’m just saying why I prefer, in her case, to stay in these threads. And personally, I’ve maxed out on the high achiever stuff. I know this website is all about “college,” but even in that world I just can’t get into the statistical volleying and the lists of achievements. I’d rather just talk about meaning, and life, and how we really feel. For me it’s all about helping our kids move on in this very variable and mysterious life.</p>

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<p>My two cents. I ventured into the other thread one time. And I was disheartened by the posts bragging about scholarships, or bemoaning the fact that their child <em>only</em> got 20K in merit at a school my S would have loved to go to, but his stats did not get him that kind of merit.</p>

<p>So no need to cheery pick posts, it’s full of that kind of thing.</p>

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<p>Gweeta, re your son preferring to work with his hands, there is a story of a plumber who does some work at a Manhattan apartment and gives the owner the bill. The owner says “I have to tell you, this is more per hour than I charge as a partner at a large law firm!”</p>

<p>The plumber replies; “I know. That is why I am no longer a partner at a large law firm.”</p>

<p>Has your son read “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”?</p>

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<p>EmmyBet - thanks for your post. My kid fits solidly in this thread, at least as far as GPA goes, and he certainly marches to the beat of his own drummer through life - LOL. You’re right - I did bring up the “3.9 or 4.0” example, and that may have given the wrong impression about what I was expressing. My comment was just about how normal it is to think “gee, if it were just a little higher, more doors might be open” no matter where your kid is on the spectrum. I was just saying that I don’t feel a need to put down parents of kids with lower GPA’s or take shots at parents of kids with higher GPA’s, and seeing the thread turn that direction just felt a little like hearing one friend saying something bad about another friend. I haven’t posted on this thread enough to feel like I have any claim about what direction it should go - I’m a lurker, not a contributor for the most part. I’ve followed it from the beginning because I was looking for good ideas about where my son should apply, and because it’s got a fun and friendly tone. Here’s where I launch into a nice refrain of Kumbaya I guess, but I feel just fine about my kid without needing to get snarky about other people. I can appreciate venting and humor and all that, I just didn’t love the tone, so I commented on it. Just a little observation from an observer…</p>

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<p>Pinotnoir, please post often; no individual or group “owns this thread” and you can feel free to voice disagreement.</p>

<p>It is true that this thread, as a side aspect, provides an outlet for parents who have gotten sick of bragging, in real life and on CC, and are too polite to reply directly to the braggarts. On affluent towns especially, this can become overwhelming at times–you meet parents who should just change their child’s name from “Jason” to “Gifted” to save everyone else the hours of listening to how Jason is Gifted. </p>

<p>This thread is like pinot noir–far from the most exclusive or exotic, but good, satisfying and perfect for every day enjoyment. Yes, the periodic note of fed up crankiness will pop up, but a glass of malbec or sauvignon blanc provides some variety.</p>

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<p>ok…glad I could make a few smile, even if it was unintentional…</p>

<p>I am the reason they invented spell check, although even that would not have helped in this case!</p>

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<p>yabeyabe2 - nice way to put it, thanks! I do understand (and have!) the need to vent, jokingly or seriously, from time to time about all sorts of things, annoying parents included. A little early in the day to break out the wine, but I like the way you think!</p>

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<p>yabeyabe2, LOL. We never call a plumber unless I’m breaking out the life vests!</p>

<p>I’ve recommended that book, but it’s a little too “groovy” for him (at least so far).</p>

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<p>It’s nice to meet you, PinotNoir. What year is your child? I hope we’ll hear more from you.</p>

<p>Yabe - we can always count on you for a great spin on anything.</p>

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<p>Two comments:
Grade drops-my older child (not a kid in this GPA range) took a nosedive her second semester senior year and had fun. Of her 6 classes. several dropped to C’s and there was only one A (orchestra). Her class rank went down about 30 places. She did not loose her spot to Grinnell College or her scholarship. She said her decision to chill was the best decision she had made. In the fall she was refreshed and ready to roll. </p>

<p>I would check with the child’s college about what is the most they would tolerate in terms of a drop.My B-C child (senior) is continuing his B-C performance to the end. I advised him to not make any D’s for the semester and he should squeak by.</p>

<p>Second thought- hands on kids- Warren Wilson College is a very hands on school (also very liberal). A few of my community college students have transferred there and loved it. </p>

<p>My Hi-jack-comments welcome and appreciated:
Berry College in Georgia is a beautiful school where all kids are guaranteed a job. My husband and I talked with several kids as we roamed about the campus last month during my son’s overnight. Some had learned electrical work, carpentry and brick masonry as their work experience (choice is up to the kid). They even have jobs in computer networking and the milking parlor (dairy). The school is tier 1, 112 US News (for what it is worth), does a lot of advising and testing for undecided majors and has a 686 Million endowment. The catch? The school has a strong christian presence (it is not affiliated with a church but espouses christian values), does not allow alcohol on campus and does not have support for gay students (gay drama student we talked with did not feel shunned and had gay friends on campus as well as straight ones). My son really liked the work aspect of the school. I am a bit nervous about the reported conservatism (admissions told us there was no religious pressure but majority of students were faith active). There are 7% internationals and they do have an interfaith council to support nonchristians-school had a shabbot service last year, hosted an interfaith day. I’m going astray but it seemed like a good fit for some kids and they welcomed my B-C kid with a nice scholarship. The cost after the scholarship was only a few K higher than our NC state school. My son is leaning toward this school (it would not be my choice - we are not a very religious family and live in the most liberal town in NC). Any thoughts/comments are welcome. There is not much out there in the CC comments or online. There were a few comments in other online sources about the Chick-Fil-a scholarship program which is housed apart from the rest of the campus and is very religious.</p>

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<p>Hey, asking a question isn’t hijacking! This is a pretty open-topic thread.</p>

<p>What I’m reading in your post is that you’re happy with the school except for the religious/conservative overtones. Has your son visited? Is he comfortable with the vibe there? Sometimes what they like in a school can overcome what they don’t like. And it can go both ways - my older D was excited that she’d fit in more in terms of not being a religious minority where she goes to college, but actually that hasn’t meant anything over the 3 years she’s been there, after all. But she still has the “right school” vibe, regardless.</p>

<p>Relevant to your situation, I do know another boy who went to a school he liked, thinking he could ignore or overcome the very Christian/conservative bent. He, too, was from a Christian background but not very religious, and definitely more liberal than the norm there. He found it very stifling for that very reason, way more intensely religious than he’d ever imagined, and transferred after one semester. What made this possible is that he had also been accepted at (but turned down) a good state U, and they could quickly take him in. From your post, this sounds like a possibility for your son, too. </p>

<p>If he’s visited, even done an overnight, and does feel comfortable, and the programs feel best for him, maybe he should give it a try. But find out from the state U if he could do a quick transfer if things are oppressive there. </p>

<p>On the parental side, sometimes it’s hard to see our kids want something that doesn’t really fit with our feelings - I say this with all empathy and respect. This kind of choice that’s more ideological, or maybe even what some would feel “values-based” really isn’t all that different from a kid whose choice doesn’t fit our “quality” standards, or some other disconnect with our own taste. It’s hard, but it sounds like you all are able to talk about it. I do hope he is happy wherever he goes. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>You know, those loony parents quoted in 3129 are raising their kids to be just like them. I was rotflol when I was reading it. </p>

<p>Our D#1 was a very high achiever and also perfectionist. Most of these kids are driven from within; it is in their personalities. We sure did not ride her to be like that! We also did not create her like some of these parents do (other than the procreation kind of create) – lightning struck our family, believe me!</p>

<p>They are also not easy to live with nor to raise. She had/has the mind of a lawyer (who went to Harvard Law) and when she was 11-13 she had a hobby of tripping me up on technicalities over things I had said 3 wks or months earlier, and also the longest memory for who had done which chores last, and also for the 6 times before that (Though I think all kids have that kind of excellent memory). She could argue like a Jesuit.</p>

<p>She got 1590 on SAT first time she took it and I had to spend a half hour telling her I was not going to allow her to retake to get the other ten points. I also told her that there was not a school in the world that would declne to accept her based on that scoore, but there were plenty who would not take her if they could see the fuss she was raising over those damn ten points. </p>

<p>So, with a kid like that, of course you wind up going to award events and special contests and such crap. It was really weird to sit there and listen to all these other parents trying to one-up each other based on what stuff their kids were doing, prizes they had gotten, and so on. I felt like I was on another planet. I was really worried, because I was thinking, my kid has to go to college with these peoples’ children, are they all as obnoxious as this? Will she become like them?</p>

<p>Well, to a certain extent she already was like them – the internal perfectionist part – and I guess that is just part of her personality. But at least she wasn’t a monumental egotist. And we raised her to be thankful for her gifts and all the Catholic message about social concerns and everything, and she did internalize that. </p>

<p>But I really wish parents of very smart kids did not feed the beast. Their kids came into the world very capable already, no need to encourage it. Look at the post from the Mom whose son is fighting her over wanting to take yet more AP scie courses. Sure she is bragging in a backhanded way, but her son is the one being a pita about “challenging himself.” I am glad I do not have to live with him and I pity his wife in years to come. </p>

<p>We went back to Normal Land with the other two.</p>

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<p>They have a forum for just about everything…mods how 'bout one called…“Parents of Normal Kids.” RTR you made my day! BTW, my son just “chose” his least selective college to go to and mailed his declines and I just cancelled a visit that we were going to take next week. At least he should be able to maintain the GPA required for his merit scholarship and I won’t have that hanging over our heads. We approve because it is a really great place, but of course I had a secret favorite that I now need to “let go of” since S3 wants a huge state school with a great football team when we start looking for him.</p>

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<p>Mom3, hold on to that secret favorite! My son wanted a big sports school until he stayed at one for a basketball camp and decided it was just too big to be comfortable and a small school with an extensive intramural program would be better for him.</p>

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<p>^^good point yabeyabe2…he’s off to the state flagship for football camp this summer…maybe that will “fix him.” He is so very different than his older two brothers, hard to believe he came from the same genetic pool.</p>

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<p>mom3, would he have a chance to play football at your favorite? I know a lot of boys who could never play at the flagship level who enjoy D3 football, which also allows them to study more.</p>

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<p>yabeyabe2…I’m not a huge football fan (in a family of UofM Go Blues one of which still gets up on Saturday morning to watch them a 9 AM in the morning on the west coast) but I don’t know what will happen with S3. He’s was a HUGE freshman, happily plays defense and a 3 sport athlete and is very smart and is supposedly going to top off close to 6’4" and 220 or 230 and all muscle according to our family doc - the smartest of all 3 of my boys and a grade grubber to boot go figure my other two don’t like to sweat and fit very well in this thread with regard to their academic ambition - and the coaches are all over my youngest. Part of me hopes Div. 1 and Div 2 keep their mitts off him…money or no money…I guess time will tell. I’m no sports mom so hopefully he’ll just fly under the radar to a nice Div 3 school. Unfortunately by BIL was a Div. 1 recruited football player as was another “dad” in our social circle (UofM) so S3 might have dreams and those two certainly encourage him. Sigh.</p>

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<p>

I love this.</p>

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<p>

momofthreeboys, our son is on the verge of picking his least selective school too (even including our state flagship, according to a Website That Will Remain Nameless But Is Named After An Ivy League School). I’m thinking of starting a thread just for parents of students who picked their least selective/highly ranked option.</p>

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<p>That’s interesting nightchef. I was feeling very “alone.”</p>