<p>No need to feel alone. My son is choosing one of his safety schools too!</p>
<p>My son is still trying to make his decision. Fortunately, he can choose between three midwestern LACs, one mid-atlantic LAC, and an in-state public. We got merit aid, need-based aid, or both at all except the in-state public. The lesson I would pass on to 3.0-3.3 parents is to look at schools beyond your geographic area; remember that lots of LACs want males, especially out-of-state males; and file the FAFSA, even if you don’t think you’ll get aid. You may be pleasantly surprised at the results you get.</p>
<p>Emmybet,
Thanks for your very helpful comments. I can’t imagine myself at Berry but my son really felt comfortable there and felt the students were among the friendliest he met on the college tours. He enjoyed the classes he sat in on and likes the idea that drinking on campus is not tolerated (though students do drink off campus). You made a good point about the state school transfer option if he is unhappy. He was accepted to two and can transfer in December if this school doesn’t work out.</p>
<p>Academically and physically the school seems a good fit. The facilities were outstanding and the school is flexible enough to have staged a student run production of “The Vagina Monologues” so it does appear that the school is open to a variety of ideas. The work part is really appealing. The president of the college was in the cafeteria (food was great with vegetarian options) and sat with us briefly. My son felt very comfortable with him. There was no hard core sales job which I really liked.</p>
<p>I guess I will be saying good-bye to the schools I fell in love with (Hendrix, Wooster and Earlham). It is his decision!</p>
<p>momofthree congrats on the decision! </p>
<p>hornet and nemom last year neither of my twins chose the most highly ranked school to which she was accepted. For one I had anticipated her choice but for the other I privately mourned the other three schools that made her short list. So I know the emotion you are feeling hornet. Remember when Dorothy whispers to the Scarecrow that she is going to miss him most of all? That’s how I felt.</p>
<p>Hey, now there’s a new thread idea: “Parents saying goodbye to schools THEY loved for their kids.” We’ve all got 'em!</p>
<p>We can’t win, folks! And I say that with a smile, believe me. I definitely have my disgruntlements about the education my D1 is getting at her “top” school (although she’s thrilled, and guess what? It’s HER life!). I’m daydreaming now about what if D2 squeaks into a competitive school … but maybe would be happier at an unranked one with wonderful programs … and merit aid … but XXX school would really be SO awesome … etc.</p>
<p>As people have wisely said, they can only go to one school. So if all goes well, these kids will have a choice, and that means some schools will be dropped. On college visits I bite my tongue so hard it bleeds - I can never tell what she’s thinking, and I know she’ll be affected by my opinions. I NEVER know what she’ll like, but I do know that she has solid, even if personal, reasons for every opinion she has. And from the schools she’s liked, she’s built a good, thoughtful list.</p>
<p>Having one in college already has me very conditioned already to the “Oh, that’s great!” or “Oh, that’s too bad!” stock response to how she’s doing. Sure, we problem-solve, and I’d run 1000 miles in a minute if I thought she was in danger or really screwing up. But it’s HER life. I tell myself that about both of these kids daily, hourly sometimes. </p>
<p>Last night was our Academic Letter ceremony. Suddenly after school D2 announced she wasn’t going, and what was I supposed to do, force her? This was a nice perk, something I’d hoped she see was an affirmation. But right afterwards she had a concert, and doing them both (including arguing about it) was just going to stress her out completely, and singing is way more important to her anyway. At least I know her name was announced. I saw many other kids coming from one event to the other and I mentally kicked her butt for not going, but then I reminded myself that these things just aren’t that important. Am I really going to care in a week, a month, a year, if she went to this? No. And I’m not going to let the name of a college trigger shame or remorse for me for the rest of my life on her account, either. I see that in friends all too often.</p>
<p>Love the kid on the couch, and love the school they love. </p>
<p>(But she IS going to the National Honor Society induction next week, if I have to drag her bodily!)</p>
<p>Historymom, I am so relieved that my son did not choose his reach school! I began to worry about whether he could handle the workload. I know that at his safety, he will get a good education. The safety school, however, does not carry a “brand name”. It worries me a bit.</p>
<p>Mom3, if he is a very good football player, think about the Ivies. The level of football is not that of Michigan, etc, but neither is the level of expected commitment. And they all give major preference to football players. The games are not well attended by Big 10 standards, but draw much more than usual D3 games.</p>
<p>D1 schools now almost always force football players to sit out their first year, turning colleg einto a 5 year plan.</p>
<p>Northeast-your concern is one I share. I am dreading the “where’s that?” from others (have already been through this to some degree with child one). I think my son has chosen a school where his skills/abilities will put him in the middle of the pack and hopefully he will have better success than at the reaches he was accepted to. One of my coworkers has a daughter attending a “tier three” school. Her choice was a decision for the kid to not be in over her head workwise. It has worked out beautifully. The girl made Dean’s list last semester, her confidence is soaring and she is taking more risks with some challenging courses. If this young woman chooses graduate school, she will have much better choices than had she struggled with low grades (and lower confidence) at a more selective school.</p>
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<p>This is what I was thinking about. I wonder if a 3.1-3.4 from no name brand tier 3 is better than a 2.5-2.9 from state flagship. I don’t know. Our state flagship, Rutgers, has national brand recognition.</p>
<p>As far as the puzzled looks, even as my son was applying, some people asked which schools he is considering. Dead silence when I dropped some names. I think that after he is in for a semester, I’ll get less of those puzzled looks. I know the feeling, hornet. At least my son does not concern himself with this, because a lot of kids do. My older son told me things like, “The kids at school say that all of those schools are $#C%^. If it isn’t an Ivy, or NYU, go to Rutgers.”</p>
<p>I do worry about employment opportunities from this school, and getting into grad school. Then I keep telling myself that GPA for grad school matters and a higher one from a no name safety might be better than a lower GPA from a higher tiered, name brand school. Also, of paramount importance to me is my son’s happiness. I don’t want him to be miserable and struggling in a place that was a poor academic fit.</p>
<p>I’m not so concerned with GPAs although my oldest who was in the upper 20th percentile of his college class currently has a good GPA/dean’s list etc. Freshman fall was abit of an eye opener because he was the classic smart slacker, but even freshman fall wasn’t horrible…just an eye opener. Personally I’d rather have a kid in a college where they are succeeding, engaged, doing well, getting respect from the profs and what will come in the future will come. I couldn’t say with certainty that he will stay in that region of the country either for work or for grad school if he goes that route. His dad and I are encouraging him not to go imimediately to grad school and to look for employment with a company that will reimburse further education. I agree that their emotional happiness and academic success is paramount. The rest will come. We get alot of “where’s that” but it’s half way across the country and I really believe most people ask because they are curious and not because they are judgemental. It may be different in the NE where everything is so close. There’s alot of corn and a set of mountains between us and our oldest son.</p>
<p>momofthreeboys, I agree with you about succeeding, getting respect from professors, and so on. I know that the rest of “the stuff” will come. Now I will need to convince myself in my doubting moments. I think I am going to copy your post and tape it to my fridge! Thanks for posting this.</p>
<p>I just want you to know that I just got a phone call from the non-household name school. What a pleasure. I won’t go into all of the details, but this was a lovely gesture and made me feel very good.</p>
<p>NE-it all will work out. I know of so many kids that went from lesser known schools as undergrads to some top grad schools. When we were visiting my son’s unknown school, I saw a list of law schools and alumni attending-great schools listed- Yale was where one was attending. I also saw John’s Hopkins listed as a med school admission in another list. I do think internships, stellar GPA and high MCAT/LSAT trump school name in the grad school admissions. It is up to our kids in how far they want to take their education. For my son, I doubt Ivy grad schools even register with him. He has a great opportunity at his choice.</p>
<p>
Yes, this is already becoming a factor. Of all the friends, family and co-workers I have mentioned our son’s choice to, the only ones who had ever heard of Goucher College are (1) my mom, (2) a friend who grew up in Baltimore, and (3) other parents of HS seniors or recent seniors–the CTCL inclusion has raised Goucher’s visibility, but only among people who are actively scouting schools. It’s a little disheartening to keep saying the name and getting that quizzical little “come again?” head twist.</p>
<p>But, of course, I need to get over it. And I do really think it could be a great place for him.</p>
<p>I guess I’m lucky, because I was very naive going into the college process with my daughter 7 years ago. I didn’t understand the tiers but knew that she wouldn’t be going to an ivy league school - the rest were just names to me. She graduated from her very small unknown school three years ago and is right now contemplating going to grad school at one of those name brand colleges. They want her, but she’ll have to see if she can afford it. </p>
<p>We live in an area where kids go to all kinds of schools and there’s not much talk about how one school is better then another. It’s also not that unusual for all range students to start at the local CC and transfer to a four year college.</p>
<p>I like explaining where my kids colleges are and what makes them special - it’s fun to be different!</p>
<p>This is all great stuff! I’m thrilled this conversation has continued. </p>
<p>Name recognition: I grew up near Boston and was sick to death of the brand name schools. I was fortunate enough to go to U of Chicago. Talk about no name recognition! I had fun finding out who was going to say, “Oh, OK…” and the ones who said, “Oh, wow.” What surprised me is I had the same problem IN CHICAGO. “Oh, you go to U of I Circle?” I got used to it, and yes, it is fun to be different, and a little mysterious.</p>
<p>My D1 who was so proud to get into Tufts gets blank stares everywhere (unless they’re in a medical field and see the journal articles). I think she was a little miffed, thought it was more “famous,” but she’s used to it now. AND she learned that in Boston when you go there you can get the “Oh, yeah - you couldn’t get into an Ivy.” I mean, MAN, people don’t get it wherever you go!</p>
<p>I’m not sweating the grad school thing - lower GPA from a higher ranked college? Great opportunities at a smaller school? Really how can you predict anything? </p>
<p>I do know that being unhappy will be deadly for my D2. She is a feeler, values relationships and sees everything qualitatively. She’s looking at theater programs: her dream is BU, but she’d be thrilled to go to Adelphi, after meeting their INCREDIBLY supportive faculty and students. Talk about different reputations! I get a little shaky because on CC no one’s talking about Adelphi, even in the theater threads (although I hear from some people that it’s great). But if she feels it, she feels it. She’d be proud to get in - it’s auditioned, with about a 15% acceptance rate (which is high for theater, ouch). She’d like not to go to one of our local state schools, on principle, wants something fresh and different. BUT if she went to visit and got the same vibe there she got at BU or Adelphi, she’d go like a shot.</p>
<p>And my D1 found some reverse discrimination when applying for internships - Tufts was held against her because people thought she’d already had too many great opportunities. They wanted kids from schools where they weren’t already getting the great chance at top experiences. How about that? She’s just a kid who needs work, after all.</p>
<p>You can find a negative for anything. I don’t want anyone to feel that they’ve settled, but that’s different from feeling good about how things have ended up when you’re past the dreaming phase.</p>
<p>kathiep, great news about your daughter!</p>
<p>nightchef, an eye doctor that I know went to Goucher. I would have known “Goucher” by name by meeting this alum without CTCL, or CC. BTW, a friend of my DH’s might have a child going there this fall (not sure yet).</p>
<p>EmmyBet, I am did not know that Adelphi had a good threatre program, but Adelphi has name recognition in our area. BU and Adelphi are definitely very different schools.</p>
<p>Most people know almost no colleges beyond sports schools, Harvard, Yale, Princeton, MIT, Stanford and Cal Tech. when I was an undergrad at Penn, people frequently thought I meant Penn State.</p>
<p>yabeyabe, I agree.</p>
<p>My son just got a strange email. We visited a OOS public U that he never applied to. They just sent him an email to send in his deposit and to register for their orientation!</p>
<p>We had our children after most of our friends, so got the pleasure of watching as their kids went to high school and off to college. We had many friends whose kids flunked out, dropped out, came home, transferred from stellar name colleges only to return to the local lower tier university or never finish a degree. And by many I would say about one in three or four…so I was wholely focused with S1 on finding a school that he loved, where he would stay for four years and where I knew that as long as he went to class and did the work he could be successful. So, yes, he shot “low” and to this day I don’t regret it one minute. He found his place and hasn’t come home for the entire summer since freshman summer. He will graduate next year. He will finish. He has grown in many ways at his little not well known college. I think that the joy of going to that graduation will far, far outweigh any concerns that he shot low or that his school isn’t well known. He has done what not every kid will do…get a BA and a double major to boot. We shot higher with S2 with identical stats and he did get in to better places but at the end of the day I’m not entirely sure that I’m as worried about that as three years ago.</p>