<p>Just thought to add: it is OK to seek another opinion/analysis if you are uncomfortable with or doubting what you are told. Good physicians will never take this personally.</p>
<p>No personal experience, but have had friends and relatives diagnosed with breast cancer. Trust your gut, bring a friend or relative to appts with you and take notes. Feel free to vent here and ask for help at home when you need it. take care and I hope you are in for a realtively easy ride of it.</p>
<p>I am very sorry about what you are dealing with. I had bilateral mastectomies with reconstruction 2 years ago. “The Breast Reconstruction Guidebook” by Kathy Steligo, helped me to understand my surgical options.</p>
<p>I have alot of experience with breast cancer. I will also pm you</p>
<p>Thank you everyone for your ideas and support. I just spent the evening emailing some people I know to tell them about it. It feels very strange, because I know the news will spread quickly. I am such a private person and now when I go around town, people will be looking at me. I have never wanted to be the center of attention, and it feels like I will be onstage.</p>
<p>We have a great support system here on CC
Some questions: Did you have a choice between lumpectomy and mastectomy and are you happy with your decision? Did you do reconstruction? What was your life like during chemo? Could you drive? How soon after did you feel well enough to go back to work etc.? Effect on children, both at home and away at school?.</p>
<p>Mine were babes at the time, so some of this may not apply:
I decided on lumpectomy based on the size and location of the tumor. I have never regreted that decision. It took several weeks to get back to “normal” after chemo. Radiotion after chemo was like falling off a log - so easy. I got annoyed at the marker on my chest and had major problems with getting my 4 year old to and from pre-school while I was driving 40 miles to the treatment center. This was before cell phones…
Everything has worked - 18 years post diagnosis of stage IIb cancer. You will beat this = we know you will!</p>
<p>Sorry, posted halfway through - I had a large section lumpectomy and years later decided on a free-flap reconstruction. My surgeon was wonderful - despite the fact that she reminded me of my daughter’s best friend. [Houston</a> Breast Restoration | Female Breast Restoration Plastic Surgeon in Houston](<a href=“http://www.breastrestoration.org/]Houston”>http://www.breastrestoration.org/)</p>
<p>siliconvalleymom’s post #13 strikes me as brilliant. OP, you have alot of people around you who want to help but don’t know exactly what would be useful. Tell them, and you’ll find you have an army of helpers.</p>
<p>As for your kids, once the initial shock passes, I think the best thing you could do for them is to give them specific tasks – small tasks, not burdensome. The “at homes” could do a small household chore that’s usually yours. The “aways” could email someone on your behalf, order something online for you, even set up that website that siliconvalleymom referenced (I don’t know about you, but in my house, only the teenagers would have the foggiest idea how to do that anyway!). But having something concrete to do always makes us feel a little more in control when faced with the unknown.</p>
<p>Hugs to you, and please keep us posted.</p>
<p>If you have a community (friends, neighbors, school/PTA, church, etc) that wants to help, I’ve found this website is great for organizing dinners, rides, etc. You can add as much as you need or as little and modify it. Our neighbor had a massive heart attack in Janaury and we used it to coordinate nightly meals and hospital visitors; a church member has terminal cancer and we are using it for meals & rides for 14yo daughter. </p>
<p>[Create</a> a free web-based community at Lotsa Helping Hands](<a href=“http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com%5DCreate”>http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com)</p>
<p>best wishes - you can beat this. </p>
<p>If you want to be empowered, I would find a local Susan G Komen Race for the Cure. I have been volunteering at our local race for the past 3 years with my HS Girl Scout troop and it is an uplifting experience.</p>
<p>Hugs to you. Sometimes I think that with our generation, it’s not if, but when.</p>
<p>You mentioned that you are a private person. Lots of families handle the inquiries with a caringbridge site. A person has to be given a link to read your site - a person can’t just google your name and read any details you wish to post.</p>
<p>Here is another alternative that I have only seen once. I man I know was widely known in his field, had a huge group of friends and acquaintances. He sent a very carefully worded mass email basically saying (in nicer terms), “my cancer is my cancer and please don’t tell me your stories or the stories of your now deceased friends or relatives.”</p>
<p>People I know say “unless the story ends well I dont want to know” . I am also private and wearing scarves etc… said"cancer" after a while I didnt think about it. Its hard because it is one more thing that is out of your control. So I tried/try to control what I can and not worry about the rest.
As i said in the pm, this is a great place for support kept me feeling “normal”</p>
<p>I remember years ago reading snippets of the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. One of the differences in our communication styles is apparently that when men are confronted with a problem, their instinctual response is to offer a solution, while women tend to share similar stories and experiences in an effort to provide support. That’s an extreme simplification but I think there is some truth to it. </p>
<p>I completely agree with those of you who have said that only those stories with a positive outcome are appropriate and helpful. I have a friend whose H just went through treatment for lymphoma and I was so glad to be able to share that my mom had lived through the same diagnosis and treatment 6 years ago and is now doing great. The good news here is that all of us know many, many women who have confronted BC and are still going strong. My thoughts are with you.</p>
<p>I was fortunate to have had “only” DCIS and my treatment was lumpectomy, radiation, and now Tamoxifen. My sister is currently undergoing treatment for BC. She had a bi-lat mastectomy and will have reconstruction surgery sometime next year. Her treatment plan is chemo (dose-dense ACT) and a full course of radiation and a hormonal after that’s all over. </p>
<p>Confidence in your medical team is paramount, IMO. If something doesn’t feel right, you don’t have to stick with them. You’ll be seeing the oncologists for years to come, so choose someone who relates to you and treats you. You aren’t a statistic.</p>
<p>I found out, as has my sister, that you’ll hear all kinds of stories, often how horrible the treatment was, the side effects, etc. Remember that the outliers are the ones who usually make the most noise. Sis has done ok - the first weeks were bad & then things got better. She is one chemo away from being done & while it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows, it was doable. </p>
<p>BC.org is a good site, especially for info (and message boards) on recon and lymphedema. </p>
<p>Take time off. Let people help. Your job is to recover and heal. Take care and best wishes to you.</p>
<p>My mother had a stage I Dx 10 years ago, she had an immediate mastectomy plus tamoxifan, she says she would not do chemo after watching her sister go through this in the 80s, but things have changed so dramatically since then! She is happy she went with her Tx and never even thinks about it.</p>
<p>Everyone is different, do your research and then go with your gut.</p>
<p>My SIL was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer at age 40. The surgeon said he knew one person with as much lymph involvement as she had who lived more than five years.</p>
<p>My SIL passed away at age 50–from a heart attack. She never had a single relapse of cancer.</p>
<p>My only advice: never let statistics or a doctor determine your destiny. I wish you the best as you journey down this path.</p>
<p>
Brilliant!!!
Plus, “Please don’t send me any inspirational tracts unless I ask.” The most hurtful thing that happened when I was diagnosed was a co-worker of my DH who sent a huge book about how negative thinking caused cancer. Ummm, thanks a lot.</p>
<p>It’s nice to hear from everyone.</p>
<p>As I go through this process of lots of testing and doctor appointments on the road to determining treatment, I have decided to take control of a part of the process that I can–my general health. After years (a lifetime? 
) of struggling against the urge to eat junk food, I find that I now easily gravitate towards healthier food. And I am continuing to make time for exercise, so that I will feel stronger going in.</p>
<p>^^ Smart lady!</p>
<p>MB66- How timely your post came up for me. I had a biopsy on 4/7 and found out yesterday it was positive for low grade invasive ductal carcinoma. I have an appointment tomorrow for an MRI to determine what type of treatment. On Thursday I will have an appointment with a breast surgeon and next week with an oncologist. It’s all happening so quickly, it’s hard to process. I have not told many people yet as I don’t really know what the treatment will be. We will need to support each other on our journeys back to health!</p>
<p>Stay strong, JudyL.! One of the things that I think about when I get scared is that we are living in a time with good medical treatment that wasn’t around in our parents’ generation.</p>