New Dog: Not What We Expected... Advice?

<p>After reading the title of this thread, you probably think that we’re another family who’s gotten in too deep with a puppy and feels overwhelmed, and wants to rid themselves of their problem.</p>

<p>That’s not exactly correct.</p>

<p>My husband and I have wanted a dog for a really, really long time. My husband’s very much a dog person. Our modus operandi was: first cats, then marriage, then a house, then a dog, then kids. We’ve got the cats. We’ve got the marriage. We’ve got a beautiful house with a lovely backyard. My husband just defended his dissertation and receives his doctorate in May, and I just finished my exhausting drive towards taking my licensure exams. Clearly, it’s time for dog-shopping.</p>

<p>We’ve read books. We’ve read articles. We’ve talked to friends, and have scoped out all the local dog-friendly places, and we’ve puppy-proofed the house, and we’ve watched Dog Whisperer (even though we disagree on some things), and we’ve got the crate and the know-how. We’re all set.</p>

<p>There are three considerations towards figuring out who the right dog is, though…</p>

<p>1) The cats. We’ve got two cats, and they’re used to having the run of the roost. When they were kittens, and when I went home on medical leave from grad school, they stayed with my now-MIL and her dog for a month, and they actually did pretty well. By the end of the stay, one of the cats was perfectly happy to trot alongside the dog and play with it. The other cat, who is subtly manipulative and still yowls and hisses at my husband (but actually secretly adores him), would snooze next to the dog when she thought nobody was looking. We were as sure as we could be that with a good dog and some controlled interactions, they’d be just fine with a dog.</p>

<p>2) My last dog (the only dog I’ve ever had, actually) was quite literally a hellhound. She was a rescue dog with a moderately unknown history, flighty and skittish, an English Springer Spaniel, and she had rage syndrome. She’d periodically and without warning flip the arff out and attack whomever was closest. Veterinary professionals liken it to having a seizure-- she didn’t know she was doing it, and she’d be just fine afterwards, but we’d end up needing stitches just the same. My whole family has battle scars from dealing with this dog. We had her for close to eight years before her rage syndrome had progressed to the point that we were far past the point of being able to live safely with her, and we put her down. My brother and I still have some pretty significant trouble trusting dogs. I’m sure I exude tension like raw uranium exudes radiation, and dogs are like Geiger counters for that sort of thing, which leads me to my third point…</p>

<p>3) Anybody who’s kept tabs on my posts knows that I do not lead an uneventful life, and a side-effect of that much… excitement… has been that I’ve developed a pretty extreme anxiety disorder, for which I’m medicated and which is pretty difficult for me to control. I’m working on it, and I’m exploring some homeopathic and exercise-based options, but I’m physically unable to relax my muscles from a fight-or-flight state of readiness. This leaves me pretty whupped by the end of the day.</p>

<p>I insisted that we needed a superbly low-key dog, which was great, because my husband wants a BIG dog. Larger breeds are generally lower energy, so we kept our searches towards young puppies who were a larger breed mix.</p>

<p>We ran across a Lab-Newfoundland mix who we were told was 9 weeks old, sweet as can be, healthy, and was from an apparently reputable rescue organization. We made an appointment to go and meet her. We met at a local pet store, and she was just as calm and pliable as you could imagine. She had giant paws and big ears, sweet brown eyes, and was just kind of happy with the world. She was curious but not aggressive. She was happy to meet other dogs. She’d readily yield a toy given to her and didn’t show any signs of food aggression. She walked well on a lead, though the foster mom said that she hadn’t really used a lead before. She was smart, figuring out “heel” pretty quickly, and she took to us right away.</p>

<p>She had kennel cough when we met her last Wednesday. We were given some medicine to give to her, and were told, “Benadryl for Children is going to be your lifesaver here…”. We were also told that she’d had her first round of shots and had seen a vet, and that we’d bring her back when she was six months old, in about August, and they’d have her spayed. I noticed some bugs on her, and asked, “Wait, are those fleas?” and I picked one off to examine it. I showed it to the foster mom, who takes care of a number of dogs and who I figured would know about these things more than I would, and the foster mom got slightly shifty and said, “No, those aren’t fleas, because fleas jump. It’s not jumping.” Okay, I figured, but I hated to see the poor dog covered in bugs and mud, when she was clearly going to be OUR poor dog, and my husband was eager to get the dog as soon as possible, so we decided to go forward with the adoption that day, get her away from any other dogs with kennel cough, get her washed down with some gentle soap, and keep a close eye on her.</p>

<p>The coughing subsided, the bugs were fewer after the bath, and Chloe, as we named her, perked up. She wasn’t wild about her crate in our kitchen, but it had a nice warm blanket, we’d let her out whenever we were home (we set up two safe zones for the cats, using some door gates with cat-openings in them to keep those areas dog-free), and we’d go for frequent walks and outings in the backyard to tucker her out. She was about at the teething age, so we bought her plenty of things to gnaw on.</p>

<p>Her energy continued to increase as the kennel cough subsided and the medicine was tapered off, and the bugs came back with a vengeance. And they jumped. They were definitely fleas. My husband took Chloe to the vet on Friday, and the vet examined her.</p>

<p>Chloe had all her adult teeth, we were told. Chloe was not nine weeks old. She was probably more like nine MONTHS old. She had fleas, and worms, and she was underfed. She probably wouldn’t get much bigger. In fact, she probably wasn’t part Newfoundland at all, she was probably a lab-collie mix, and she was going to be hyper.</p>

<p>We’d already started to realize the “hyper” part… She was startlingly higher-energy than she’d been when we met her. We realize now that Chloe was flat-out high on Benadryl when we met her. She was smart, certainly, and she was capable of being inaggressive and submissive at times, but she was also drugged up so she wouldn’t cough as much, and that’s where her imperturbable calmness came from.</p>

<p>Then on Sunday, she attacked my cat.</p>

<p>I don’t really know what provoked it. I had Chloe sitting next to me on the floor, and she was happily gnawing on a Nylabone. Our subtly-manipulative cat was nearby in the same room as we were, sitting in her favorite spot and eyeing us cautiously, though she was starting to relax and view the dog as a non-danger. I was feeling pretty optimistic. The other cat, who was surprisingly not taking as kindly to the dog, was sitting in safety behind one of the gates, kind of watching. His food and water were in the other safe-haven we’d set up, though, and the dog was smack between him and his eats. I think it probably went like cat startled dog, dog yelped, cat smacked with claws out, dog launched towards cat, cat tried and failed to stuff himself through the cat door in the gate, dog chomps back half of cat as though it’s a rabbit it’s chasing, cat freaks out and tears down the stairs, dog chases, cat knows where the rugs are downstairs, dog loses traction on the tile floor, cat outruns dog and heads back upstairs, and I finally catch the dog… but I only saw from the “dog chomps back half of cat” on forward.</p>

<p>It could’ve been that the cat provoked the dog. It could’ve been that the dog was just startled and it snowballed. I have no idea. Meanwhile, we’ve taken to only having the dog on-leash or in the crate indoors, and we’ve upped the exercise even more. Lots of fetch in the backyard. Two walks a day. Outside time whenever we can be outside. She’s still very high-energy, and a very poor fit for our lives… Specifically, for my anxiety and for our cats’ sanity, and eventually, for small children. My husband is mildly devastated, heartbroken that this dog is upsetting the rest of his family so badly, and he’s pursuing every avenue to try to ‘train’ the dog out of being hyper and attacking cats and the like. I’m not sure that training is the answer.</p>

<p>I feel cheated by the rescue organization… We were misinformed about the dog’s health, age, and breed mix (how could she possibly have been examined by a competent vet, if they got her age so obviously wrong? how could she have gotten worms, fleas, AND kennel cough if she were really living in a good foster environment? what was really going on during the first nine months of her life?), and her temperament was masked with drugs.</p>

<p>How would you proceed? What would you do in this situation? I feel as though it’s nearly criminal to renege on a pet adoption… This is not something that I’d ever seen myself considering. But I really don’t have the energy for another spazz of a dog. Dealing with our last dog was a full-time job. I set out to keep myself from being in that position, and I feel like I was tricked.</p>

<p>What would you do?</p>

<p>I would not beat myself up over “reneging” on the adoption if the placement wasn’t good for either of us (our family or the dog). I WOULD get the dog treated for fleas, worms etc. and set forth on trying to find a new home. I wouldn’t WANT to take her back to the rescue place if (as it appears) they weren’t truthful and didn’t take care of the dog.</p>

<p>BUT, I would contact them re: the issues and if necessary report the rescue place to “authorities” - I say that, because I’m not sure who you should contact.</p>

<p>You are not doing anyone favors by keeping the dog out of obligation.</p>

<p>Oh, and I wanted to add…SO sorry you are dealing with this problem! I’m sure it is a terrible position to be in. </p>

<p>We adopted our first pet ever from a rescue agency on New Year’s Eve. They had an “option” of a 10 day trial period. We had to sign a form re: that trial, but it was a comfort to us to know that if it didn’t work out, there was a WAY out. Happily, all was and is well.</p>

<p>I agree. You were misled and it is sad and unfortunate, but this is not the right dog for your family. I would feel badly about giving it back to this shifty organization, but it might be hard for you to place the dog yourselves. You might have to give the poor thing back. This is terrible. I know how excited you were to have her, but a drugged, older dog who isn’t even the breed you chose… geez.</p>

<p>^^^^^ Exactly! They out right lied to you and misrepresented the dog. It is not fair to you or your cats to keep this dog out of guilt. Regardless of who started it, how are you going to feel if the dog really hurts one of your cats? I would get a statement from the vet as to the condition and age of the dog when you got her. I would give copies to both the rescue organization and the foster mom- it is very possible that the rescue organization does not know the conditions the dog was kept in. And then I would start looking for a new home.</p>

<p>We’ve already treated her for worms, fleas, and the cough she’s got… She’s had two baths since she’s been at our house. We’re all flea-, worm-, and bug-free now, healthy shiny coat, and she’s putting on weight, which is good.</p>

<p>You’re right… I knew an outside perspective would help. We’re not doing this dog any favors right now. I hated to think about returning her to the place she came from when I don’t really trust them and I don’t think she’s being cared for properly. I’ll follow up with the director of the organization. DH didn’t want to, but I think we need to at this point.</p>

<p>I think this dog would be a fantastic dog for a high-energy family with a second dog that Chloe can play with, where there aren’t any cats…</p>

<p>I have adopted many pets over the years. Of the many, I had to return one dog to the owner after he attacked my son. It was clear that the danger outweighed the time I would need to help the dog feel safe in its new home.</p>

<p>I agree that treating the fleas right away is imperative. Try Frontline. </p>

<p>I would give the situation some more time. It’s not yet been a week, right? All involved need to make the transition. I had another dog who exhibited some issues initially and I had doubts, but kind and consistent discipline fixed the problems entirely. What a relief…she turned out to be one of the best things to ever happen to my family.</p>

<p>Please do not feel guilty and take the dog to another, reputable rescue organization with your story! To feel a bit better about this, make a donation to the organization. I’m very familiar with cats vs dog problems, and since this ADULT dog attacked your cat, it will take enormous efforts to change the dog’s behavior, for which you are not eady. What kind of a rescue organization would adopt out a sick dog with FLEAS? And the adult dog is not spayed? Horrible! Are you ready to take care of the dog in heat? I’m so sorry that you have to go through this.</p>

<p>I suggest that after dealing with this, if you still want to look at other dogs, take a seasoned dog owner friend with you. When we were looking for a dog, we took my sister with us to look at the “candidates”. One particular purebread puppy melted DH’s heart, but it took my sister, a seasoned veterinarian, just one look to tell us, “This is a very sick dog with a (specific) genetic disorder; you will be crying when you will have to put this dog to sleep in a few years or spend $20K on his surgeries that may not fix his problems”.</p>

<p>Gosh. I don’t know who to feel sorrier for. All I can tell you is we’ve gotten two dogs from a lab rescue group and they are <em>very</em> careful about placing their animals. They absolutely do not want to make a poor match for any of their dogs. Do you have a local SPCA? I’d start with a call to them.</p>

<p>And don’t feel guilty. It sounds like this dog, even after it gets healthy, would not be a match for you (or your cats). </p>

<p>I’d also plead with you not to give up on the idea of rescue dogs. We prefer adopting young adults. Yes, puppies are sooooo cute but also a lot of work. There are so many wonderful dogs, already housetrained, already well-mannered, looking for a good home. A good rescue group will not let you take a dog they don’t think you’ll love. We also always had “play-dates”–either half a day or even overnight–to see if we thought the animal was a good fit. In both cases, we said no until we found the one that was meant to be our dog.</p>

<p>I agree with all the above (but would send the dog right back to the rescue folks–it’s not your job to find a new home for a dog that may be difficult to place), and would also demand reimbursement for the vet fees from the rescue organization. Even if all this is attributable to the foster, the organization has an obligation to oversee those who foster its animals and is ultimately responsible for your monetary loss. You were defrauded, plain and simple.</p>

<p>On another point, given your current anxiety condition and your trust issues with dogs, I would seriously reconsider whether bringing a dog into your life at this time is the right thing to do. Sometimes even the best laid plans need to be revised.</p>

<p>P.S. Part of the contract we signed said that if the dog didn’t work out, we had to return it to the rescue group. They really are all about doing right by the dog.</p>

<p>Do not feel guilty about returning a dog that isn’t working out! We got a dog from a shelter nearly 20 years ago and suffered through her lack of compasion. (No cuddling, no fetching - she just existed…we now realize she was probably abused as a puppy and was emotionally shut down). </p>

<p>My college roommate fosters rescue dogs in her home and specializes in a few breeds. From her facebook postings, I think seeing a dog in a home environment and speaking with a foster person who knows the breed quite well is probably the best way for you to go, not just a dog that you meet at Petsmart one afternoon.</p>

<p>Aibarr,</p>

<p>I’ve had alot of experience with rescue /adoptions (adult dogs into adult cats homes, also) and this really can be just fine. You have had her only a week- she is just feeling better and starting to really look around her new home and test situations out. Try as hard as you can to think of her as a complex soul who is trying to make sense out of everything, including her good good fortune! She sounds really beautiful, and this mix can end up being a wonderful loyal and brilliant and no holds barred companion. Just as young puppies can take a good half of a year to settle down, so she will. I feel very strongly that the love you have will win her confidence and , eventually, energy, over and you will be very bonded. The disruptive cat chasing is normal for many dogs at the beginning. You cats will be wary and protect themselves pretty well. Over time it will be fine. Giving her the max in exercise right now is great, and get a few consistent training methods and routines for the most immediate problems in hand (chasing the cats) and don’t worry about the rest just now. ( there are lots of ideas for the cat issue-from basic ( spray bottles of water to electronic collars… ) The fleas will be gone really quickly with frontline, the worms a bit later. Good luck. You don’t need to have adopter’s remorse.</p>

<p>Your dog needs to go back to the rescue organization. You are not the right people for the dog; he is not the right dog for your household. In addition, I would contact whomever you can at the rescue organization to say that they have a clueless foster home. (It’s possible, however, that the clueless foster home is actually the entire rescue organization. It happens.)</p>

<p>I don’t think you should be adopting a puppy. I think you should look for an older dog that has a known personality and needs a nice home to finish our his/her life. I don’t think a really big dog is the best idea, either. They eat a lot, they poop a lot, and they take up a lot of psychic space. (I’d recommend an older poodle, but that’s because I’m partial to poodles; some poodles are high energy, and some are not. There’s a 75 pound full brother to my poodle who’s a very low-key couch potato; my girl is high energy and 50 pounds soaking wet.)</p>

<p>Texas is notoriously full of “rescue” organizations that actually euthanize more than half their dogs. If you can be firm about exactly what you want and insist on a short tryout, I think you should be able to find a sweet dog who will enhance your life, not wreck it. Clearly this is not the right dog for you. (He actually sounds kind of appealing to me, but that’s because “hyper” nine-month-old lab/collie mixes generally end up being amazing agility dogs. But that’s usually after two or three years of intensive training.)</p>

<p>I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this. This story could have been written by a close friend of mine. The pooch was a mild mannered one for a short time…but when he perked up, he was a maniac and attacked their cat too. The place where they adopted him had a “return policy” and they returned him. The dog needed to live on a farm or someplace where he could run and run freely…and where there were NO other pets. The friend had put this on her application…they needed a dog who would get along with their cats…and other possible pets.</p>

<p>Take him back.</p>

<p>My friend “lost” her adoption fee…but she gained her sanity back. They also continued to look for a pooch and have the BEST dog on the planet now.</p>

<p>

Given that, do you know of any families where Chloe might fit in well who’d be willing to take the dog? If so it’d be better than returning her to the less than forthright adoption place.</p>

<p>If you want a more mellow dog with a defined personality you should consider adopting an older dog rather than a puppy. Puppies are high energy by nature, go through the teething phase, which can be destructive, are testing the limits to decide who’s top dog, and aren’t really past all of that until they’re 2.5 to 3 years old. </p>

<p>When I adopted my current dog, a boxer, I ‘interviewed’ 6-10 boxers at the rescue place. I watched their behavior for energy level, defensiveness attitude including when I put my hand on the hindquarters (where abusive people tend to hit dogs), when I suddenly raised my hand in it’s face, and when I just grabbed its face. Although they were all of the same breed (known for being all around great family dogs), they were all different. Since their backgrounds were unknown that was yet another variable. Some of the dogs had a ton of unbridled energy, which I preferred not to deal with, some were very defensive, which can create some unknowns on behavior including possible biting, but I selected the dog that was “juuust riiight”. This was about 4.5 years ago and he was probably about 3.5 years old when we got him. He’s been an absolutely perfect dog and great addition to the family. </p>

<p>

That’s just it - dogs are individuals and aren’t cookie cutter. Even our perfect dog described above did some ‘testing’ when we first brought him home. Fortunately he was basically well behaved and a quick learner but he still took off once outside (I chased and tackled him) but he hasn’t tried that again and really only wants to be around us. He grabbed a shoe one time after we first brought him home (it was hard not to smile when we saw him there with a shoe in his mouth) but after telling him ‘no’ one time on it he’s never touched a shoe again and there are even usually some in his sleeping area. He ‘tested’ us in a few other ways early on, in the first week or two, but learned what he could and could not get away with. </p>

<p>There’s as much ‘testing’ and learning of the new household by the dog as there is by the new family (which includes the cats). This is normal and can settle out in short order as they all figure out their ‘space’, what they can and cannot get away with, and establish the territories and routines.</p>

<p>If you decide to keep the dog then not all hope is lost yet - she may still end up being a great dog who fits in well once every member of the household figures out the routine.</p>

<p>Don’t expect her energy level to decrease anytime soon since she’s still a puppy at around 9 months or so - regardless of whether she’s growing much more or not. Of course, as she’s cured of the worms her energy level will increase back to the norm for her. If this is something you’re not willing to deal with then she’s probably better off in another home (ideally not through that rescue group - maybe another). </p>

<p>Even if you give her up, don’t give up on dogs altogether. Dogs are great members of the family IMO. Just make sure you do more research on dogs and understand what you’re in for regarding the breed (or cross) and energy levels and behavior and the age (i.e. puppy vs old vs in between) and energy level/behavior. If you do adopt another dog don’t just take the word of the rescue person and if you get a dog from a breeder don’t take their word either - have an agreement whereby you can take the dog to the vet of your choosing for a check-out before committing. (Note - I didn’t do this with our rescue dog but I knew the rescue person pretty well).</p>

<p>Good luck with it.</p>

<p>For a large calm dog, ask about retired racing greyhounds. My sisters have friends and neighbors who have adopted track retirees, and report that they are (for the most part) happy to do nothing but lounge on the sofa all day.</p>

<p>Agree with all who say rehome the dog now. Giving it more time won’t change fact that this is the wrong dog for your family. A high energy dog is not going to be happy with a crate and a leash all the time. This is a dog who needs an owner who runs on the beach, goes for long walks, throws a frisbee for it, has a high energy lifestyle with lots of time. I’ve owned a springer spaniel, a cocker, and an American eskimo. I will not own another spaniel again. They don’t fit our lifestyle anymore. The eskie was great and a good fit for us. Agree with happymom regarding greyhounds although I’m not sure who they are with cats.</p>

<p>I also agree that the dog needs re-homed. You sound like a great pet owner, but the match is not there regardless of the agency misleading you. I would give it a month, and then start the re-homing process; you could think of this month as a month of fostering this great dog I also think that a large dog for you may not be really what you need. Why wouldn’t you get a smaller dog, like a cocka-poo or a West Highland Terrier? I don’t think you want any dog from the sporting group, and they have hunting instincts, and no dogs from the hound group, as they have barking skills. You need a more casual dog that yearns to live with cats and humans and is almost slow. With your natural high stress levels, I would think that smaller is better too in terms of safety for you (big dogs can pull you over if a squirrel zips past them on a walk) and ease of care (smaller dog, smaller messes) and your cats may not feel so intimidated with a smaller dog. Good luck.</p>

<p>aibarr, I agree with those who are suggesting that you re-home the dog. I understand your qualms about returning the dog to the rescue organization. Is there another in your area? Often, the rescue organizations are breed-specific, so maybe there is a separate organization for the breed mix you actually got–rather than the mix the dog was represented as. If I were in your position, I’d try a golden retriever, obtained directly from a breeder. It’s really admirable to go with rescue dogs, but maybe that could be the next dog after that, for you. I understand the dog-issues. I grew up without dogs, and married into a dog-family. (We currently have our second English Springer Spaniel.)</p>