New Parent Here. Roommate Advice

Parent Cafe
21

One word of advice about camera for anyone thinking about this - check the applicable state laws re: sound recording in addition to expectation of privacy re: video. This is a general summary of what one might expect - do check the current state statute and how it was interpreted in the past.

http://www.detectiveservices.com/2012/02/27/state-by-state-recording-laws/

Some of the OP’s issues sound believable. Kiddo had a roomie that had some strange tendencies. Somehow, kiddo’s new phone disappeared from their locked room. After the winer break, a janitor found it in the cushions of their dorm lounge sofa. Many butts sat in there, so an iPhone would not have gone unnoticed. Weird.

However… This is summer. Kids usually get new roomies every fall unless they opt to room together. The timing of the thread is odd.

22

To me, this entire question has a whiff of a jumping-to-conclusions puzzle.

The roommate turns off the alarm clock – because the alarm clock is ringing!

The roommate changes dates on a wall calendar – because they are dates for joint activities that have actually changed!

The roommate buys the stuff the daughter was reviewing – because they are required supplies for a joint class!

The daughter’s things are missing – because they are consumables the roommates jointly purchased!

23

Thank you to everyone for you input. I really needed some other perspectives to help me think about the situation.

To clarify a few things, this young lady has been assigned to my daughter to be her roommate for the next year in the dorm. Also, the wall calendar is on my daughter’s side of the room and it is large calendar that she designed and created with washi tape that she places post it notes on with all of her own due dates, projects, etc. This is a system of color coding and post its and flags that works for her, and she frequently moves tasks around as needed. No, they are not joint tasks at all and someone did move all the due dates and things around. It is not the end of world.

She already knows she will just have to use a planner and put it away. As far as the copycat issue, my daughter was not even in the room. She went to the floor lounge and the girl followed her in there.

Now, ironically my daughter said it seemed like a nice conversation as the young lady was asking her about the things she was looking at. But the next day to arrive back at the room with 10 shopping bags full of clothes and makeup the exact same colors and palettes that my daughter was viewing.

Well, again, it is not the end of the world, but in my book it does at least get a nod for being a bit creepy. What’s next? Oh look, I got my hair cut and colored like yours? I did not mention that the young lady also wants to know my daughter’s schedule and volunteer work aspirations because she tells her I want to do the exact same thing you are doing. Okay, it’s creepy now.

But again, my reality check in my mind says it’s a little creepy, but suck it up and carry on. The clock is across the room and I am sure my daughter is not turning it off immediately. She is going to have to learn to do so. I even researched and found a vibrating wrist watch/clock that she could wear to bed so maybe that will help. I promise this is not a jumping to conclusions scenario as it’s been going on for some time.

The missing items are certainly not joint items. They are her personal hair and makeup items stored in her chest. Some of the makeup items are quite pricey. Sadly, there is nothing in the room that is lockable.

Maybe that’s an idea for fall. A small chest or trunk to lock? As far as the hidden camera, thanks for the idea, but no go. I’m not sure that’s even legal so too much liability there. As an aside, I feel a bit ashamed asking about these things as we’ve already successfully helped one child through college.

This is new territory for us. I am tempted to say it is related to gender, but would that be fair? Too many variables in the mix with different children, different universities, different dorm situations, different roommates, and different activities.

Thanks to everyone again for your thoughts on the situation.

24

Ten bags of clothing and makeup?

What university starts fall classes in July?

25

This story is nearly identical to the plot of Single White Female", with the exception of the dead dog and the boyfriend. Just saying…

26

@sseamom I was thinking the exact same thing.

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Yes, no kidding that much stuff the girl purchased. I think that was the one thing that finally unnerved my daughter. Not that she bought that much stuff, but that it was everything identical to what she had been looking at. My daughter was not mad, just shocked as the girl continued to pull stuff out of bags and show her. I really believe this young lady has some issues to work through and I don’t want to label her negatively. I just have to think of what this situation might potentially be throughout two additional semesters and empower my daughter to know the right thing to do to change the situation to a healthier one whether it is continuing to room with her or not.

And my daughter is ending the summer session now and will start fall classes in a handful of weeks where she is assigned to room with her again for two semesters.

28

I would tell your daughter to be checking out any and all possibilities for changing room mates before the fall semester starts. Your gut instinct is trying to tell you something is “off”. And the pricey makeup going missing could be theft. I would get your D to be the squeaky wheel and find a way to move out immediately. There are so many possible pitfalls in letting this continue.

29

If you can afford a single room then let her go for it.